Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

Hey, a wknd of the kids is enough!! Do not fret if couch isn't to their liking --LOL -- I'd wander out of my room about 5AM to start coffee before chores, which would bring them to reality.

FEM they so flip-flop with their mind. Many times if you just talk about the weather, you don't know anything is wrong. Then, you go to something and KNOW ain't nothing right!

Yesterday I visited...first she told me she'd make applesauce that morning before her hair apptmt (yes, I still have that done for her by a beautician on site) and she related that she had been on a trip the week prior with 2 other ladies. to the mountains and they had taken a bus & hiked in the woods. WOW (she can no longer walk more than a few steps with a walker) but, was in a good mood. 30 min later, she was angry that I wouldn't take her home, said I didn't want her & said our conversation was over --- yelling P_SS on you! loud enough that the nurses station came to see if all was ok. Later, she won't even remember it!!!

OK, let me go home to a few goats who belly under fences.

It is frustrating for sure, especially when they think that you're one of the 'bad guys.'

GG - the only meds they sent her home with is anti-depressants. She's been on those for years. I think she needs anti-psychotic meds or something of the like. Unfortunately, it seems that meds can't change a persons base personality. (my mother has never been the kindest person, she's always had her 'secrets' and she lies like most people breathe) It's so very sad.

She is now finding out that at this time in her life she gets to reaps what she sowed. And she never sowed any seeds of love and loyalty. She alienated every brother and sister that she has - hasn't spoken to them in years and she holds grudges forEVER. Her latest victim is my brother - her first born child. So, despite the fact that he's done everything for them for years - she wants nothing to do with him now. She gave me the sob story that every one in her life has abandoned her. Not true - she has pushed them all away.

Thanks for the prayers GG.

But, life goes on and farm life proves that! Maybe that's why we love it so much. It does have a way of keeping everything in perspective. It's hard to have enough time to feel sorry for yourself when you have 30 goats and nearly 100 chickens to feed, hay that needs to be hauled, gardens to weed, and produce to preserve! I hope I'm healthy enough to do it for the next 30 years!

Happy Wednesday, ya'll!

Y'know, last year I got a bill from the doctor that treated my mother in the hospital when she passed... 5 years ago!!!! I think what happens is that sometimes the computer blips and throws out something that should have been paid but was never printed and sent out. Anyway, I forwarded the bill to the lawyer to do what she wanted with it. I haven't heard anything else from either the lawyer or the doctor since.

I have to say that sometimes, I miss her crazy stories; it was better than television, lol. There was the one where she told me that her aging pug dog was just a baby and was going to get a lot bigger; oh my, yes! The Germans used them during the war to go through the tunnels and flush out the resistance.

Holy Cow - 5 years! That's ridiculous.

Had such a productive day today. Started this morning by picking up 60 bales of hay. It's not the best looking hay, but the goats are eating the sample bale. DH's back has been giving him problems and he's on medication for it so he was absolutely NO help unloading. I got it all done without too much of a problem. One of the reason I bought the hay from this guy is that his bales are manageable as far as weight goes. I was able to stack them to the roof in the feed room without any help - I did it allllll by myself, lol.

Thought I should get started on some fall gardening so I weeded two of the 4 x 8 beds and got some broccoli planted in one. I think I'll put some carrots and napa cabbage in the other one. Also caught a big ol' hybrid rooster and put him in with one of the meaty hens from a year or so ago, and another meaty cross from some hatched eggs last year. I'm hoping to raise a few birds that will be big ol' heavy eating birds. Might not grow as fast as a Cornish cross, but I don't really care about that - just want some freezer birds.

I've got a few silkie's hatching right now. I don't think more than 3 or 4 will hatch, but that's better than nothing. One of them that is already out is just a peepin away in the incubator. It's such a sweet sound. I candled the 21 ameraucana eggs that I put in the incubator last weekend and 20 of them are doing well. I took one out that was an early quitter. And, just because... earlier in the week I bid on some turken eggs on ebay and wouldn't ya know it - I got 'em! The eggs came in today and I'll put 'em in the 'bator in the morning. Woo hoo!

Stoopid buck got out of his pen today so I had to drag him away from the girls and put him back in his pen. I put him in, locked the gate and watched him go right to the back of his pen and crawl through a gap in the fence. Stinker! I had to catch him all over again and put him up.

Gracie, now 8 months old is becoming the 'best' dog ever! Today, when I was catching the meaty hens, I was having a problem with the last one. Gracie kept following it. She knew exactly which chicken I wanted and she's a whole lot faster than me. Sooooo, after I missed it for about the third time - I told her to "get it" and get it she did! She caught that chicken by the neck, lol! I was afraid she was going to kill it so I told her to 'leave it' and she did. The chicken ran away, again, squawking indignantly! I finally caught her and put her up - but was really impressed with Gracies ability to know exactly which chicken I wanted.

Oh - and when the buck got out the second time he and the does headed way outto the back of the pasture and Ms Gracie brought 'em up. I had to help guide/direct her just a little because it was the first time I'd ever let her 'work' the goats. She amazes me every day. This dog is soooooo flippin smart. She seems to be able to read my mind.

More mama drama lately, but I'm just too tired to worry about it right now. Won't be long before I'm checking out the inside of my eyelids.

Ahhh, Fall breeding time! Yep, I've often watched them so I could see where their escape route was. I've even gone into field and put feed in feeder and they always come back in same way -- hey, sure don't want to miss a meal! My buck made his break-in a bout a month ago -- and back in there just this AM, he must have missed someone. Soon he will be back in winter digs with his sons from this summer until they go to freezer camp.

We've had so very much rain that things are a little too WET to consider planting. I'd love to! Hope it clears out soon as I plan to have a couple days to work at home on farm issues (of which there are plenty, LOL) and would sure like some sunshine. The temps are down now and it's pleasant to work outside.

Plans were to get my hay in this week -- Rain everyday, monsoon style -- so that will be later now. Have some round bales lined up and plan to use a couple this winter, something I rarely do. Will also need squares, those won't be at suppliers until first part of Nov. That's fine for me. Plus, more time to prepare.

Also had building repairs lined up but, again, the rain.

Weather rules. Goats are tired of the barn and actually went out into some of the sprinkly stuff. The buck, he was out except in the downpours!

Sure glad YOU had a productive day -- someone needed to. I think the rains have a lot of us stalled....along east coast. To make things worse, I have satellite net and when there are storms it's often down -- off & on issues all week.

I'm hoping to get the rest of my hay this week. If I don't get it soon, I'm going to be paying thru the nose.

Lost a goat today. I told DH yesterday that we needed to get ready to 'do the deed' because this ol' gal was looking like she was about ready to give up. She went out with the herd this morning, but moving slowly. She came in when they came in around noon. I went out to check on her and she came up and laid down right next to where I was standing. I watched her for awhile. She was alert, but showing no signs of wanting to get up. One of her daughters came up and laid down beside her so I left them alone. An hour later she was gone. No fuss, no muss and I'm so glad she went like that instead of needing a bullet. She was nearly 14. She had a long life and lots of her influence will be in my herd for generations to come.

But, as we all know - the circle of life plays out on a farm every day. Woke up to some new silkie babies this morning. Only four - but that's four more than I had. One of them has not fully absorbed it's yolk sack, so it's iffy at best.

AND - as more proof of the circle of life - a breeding (an actual planned breeding) took place today. I just couldn't help myself, lol. I have a gorgeous pygmy doe who has killer conformation - would kick butt in anybody's show ring except for one little thing. She's mis-marked all to he...ck. Some white markings are acceptable on pygmies, but this gal has an entire back leg that is white....ummmm...shall we say that is frowned upon by the NPGA. BUT - I have a little buck that I've never made myself turn loose of because he's so beautifully, wildly colored! He's 3/4 pygmy and 1/4 Nubian. He is built just like my registered pygmy buck, same size with a lot of the positive conformation traits like a beautiful head, great width in the escutcheon and lots of bone. He's gorgeous. So - when the doe was at the fence teasing the buck - I gave in! I hope, hope, hope that she takes. I want some crazy, wild colored babies!

My mother threw away her meds....her psych meds. More proof that she can't take care of herself, much less daddy also. Oh, and his meds are all screwed up too. Thank goodness for the home health nurse catching all this. I asked my mom what happened to her pills and she said that she was riding in a car with the lady next door, slipped when she was getting out of the car and her purse came open and her pills spilled. She picked up what she could but she threw away the muddy ones. Truth is - she has never even spoken to any of her neighbors - much less get in a car with them. And, there is no mud anywhere. Just to be sure I asked my dad if mom had been anywhere lately - NOPE!

She told my aunt that I am just as evil as my brother and I'm trying to 'get rid' of them.

Oh - and the keys to their truck that the cops gave back to her - she's lost them. What that means is that she hid them and doesn't know where they are....but she's telling folks that we've stolen them back.

Sorry about the lost doe. 14 - that's a good age for breeding does. It's so hard to lose them but, at least it was peaceful & her daughter stayed with her near the end. They know.

As for the mom thing -- have you discussed Altzheimer with the doctor? She sounds to have all the beginning issues of my mom. Personality changes, aggression, hiding things (yes, they forget where but, initially hid them to prevent theft), unfounded stories of "never happened" happenings, forget to eat, how to cook, loss of cognitive thinking, loss of ability to do things like use a phone, a washer, etc. -- their brain can't remember how to do those things.

They have memory "blanks" when least expected. One day my mom told me she needed to use the restroom -- where was it? She'd been living here 3 yrs. And those were some of the better days. Sad.

You are right that the animals keep us in the "real" world. No matter the stress of handling both your world and you parents current status, you must continue to keep in touch with your real world. Otherwise you will spiral down. It sounds "cold" to some who have not been there but, it isn't that at all. It's survival and keeping yourself able to function.

Thanks, Mini. It is tough to see the old goats who have been around for so long fade like that. But, she had a great life and she died gracefully. Can't ask for much more.

Talked to mom last night. She is getting much stronger physically, but mentally, not so much.... sigh.

I've been changing my chickens over to fermented feed. They love it! Weird thing is that Gracie loves it too....if I don't watch her she'll scarf it all up and not leave any for the chickens - silly dog! And, Sparkle, my milking doe, goes straight over to the fermenting buckets when she comes in the feed room to be milked. The lid is always loose (for air circulation) so she knocks it off and digs in too. I never would have thought that as picky as my goats are that they would want fermented feed too. Maybe it's just the smell of the lay pellets in it that is attracting her. Who knows?

Lost one of the silkie babies, but I'm not surprised. It didn't fully absorb the yolk sack and had what looked like an exposed loop of bowel. It died in the brooder. Poor thing. So, I've got one black silkie, one white silkie and the other looks like a partridge. I really hope the white one is a roo and that the other two are pullets, but with my luck they'll all be boys, lol!

Picked up some rye grass seeds. Next time rain is in the forecast I'll be tossing that seed out and crossing my fingers.

Happy Tuesday, ya'll!

The 2 silkies I had a few years ago both turned out to be roos. I was so disappointed. I had wanted hens for brooding.