I gotta brag on my soon-to-be SS kindergartener

There are a couple parenting quotes that speak to me. One states that we shouldn't disable our children by expecting too little. A book about raising responsible children had an interesting opening chapter about in generations past, YOUNG children earned their keep. I generally reject much of what is projected about parenting into the media.

You know all those magazine articles about making crazy-stressful school mornings easier?



MY 5 year old son gets a wake up call in the morning. While my fiance is in the shower and I am still in bed (why get out of bed when I'm waiting for the bathroom? ), my son gets up, picks out his clothes (includes remembering gym shoes on gym days and color/funny hat days), gets dressed, eats breakfast, rinses his dish, gets his winter clothes on, backpack and out to the bus stop on time. Completely independently, without nagging or guidance.



I predict he will be come quite a SS young man. He wants to move to the country so he can have chickens and raise pigs. He has kept his rabbit alive with minimal adult supervision/intervention. He's probably ready to take care of a small flock of chickens.

I believe in natural consequences. If he doesn't put his dirty clothes into the laundry they will not get washed and he will have to wear dirty clothes. If he misses the bus, he will miss school. If he forgets his gym shoes, he has to sit out of gym class. If he neglects his rabbit, she will die. Now I could step in and interfere. I could nag and fuss and then "discipline" when he forgets. My parents called it "rant, rave, and rescue". Or I can let life happen to a child the same way it happens to adults.

My job as a parent is to make him independent - preferably by his 18th birthday. If he learns basic sense of schedule and responsibility now, I'll have free time and energy later to teach other essential life skills later.

I am surprised every day by how much he is capable of.

I tried that with my two, but I got interference from other adults, namely the inlaws and DH. The kids were doing SO well though! I think kids are capable of a whole lot more than most folks give them credit for, and we should only step forward to help when the kid is obviously incapable of the task. I let DD and niecey get a chair and get their own cup, scramble their own eggs, etc etc at very young ages, and I think they benefitted greatly from the experience. The thing I'd worry about with a 5 year old, is going to the bus stop by himself. I did always get up and watch them until they were safely on the bus and they got on right in our driveway. That's one thing they can't do at that age, is protect themselves from someone much larger than they are. So, there are certain protections they need, but I have never thought coddling a child or hovering over them or doing everything but breathe for them did anyone any bit of good. I think the MOST important thing is to protect them to a degree emotionally, not circumventing natural consequences, but walking them through when consequences come, and they WILL come. Children aren't as capable to sort out the why's and how's as adults, so I do believe they need guidance there. They are NOT tiny adults, with their lack of understanding and coping skills, but I do agree they can learn in a healthy way through their own experiences so long as an adult guides them through the thought processes of loss, and sadness, anger, etc. appropriately. I aplaud your efforts, but you make it sound easy when really, it is and can be pretty complicated. Children are more complex and need more support than adults. I think expecting too little of our children is abusive behavior, but expecting too much can be dibilitating too. It's all about balance

I agree, children are very capable. I see kids with no idea how to order their food or choose off of a buffet cause they were never allowed. I have never liked that parents use velcro shoes cause they don't want to take the time to teach their child how to tie shoes. I have always encouraged my kids to do things and problem solve how to get it done. Like when something is out of reach or to heavy. Keep up the good work. Just remember to pamper a bit they still crave it from time to time. I love that my almost 8 year old son still wants mommy cuddles from time to time.
Nancy

It sounds as if your little guy is growing up so quick... Such a smart young man. Your obviously doing a great job.

g

aw, he's still a spoiled rotten American kid with way too much TV and internet time, and excessive Angry Birds playing.

My parents taught my siblings and I to balance checkbooks, cook and household chores from quite young. I remember doing laundry at the old house - and we moved when I was 7 so I was pretty little! I moved out when I was 18 (I don't remember exactly but I think I signed a lease on my birthday) and bought a house within a year. I didn't think anything of it until I went back to college at 26 and was shocked how utterly unprepared kids are out of high school!

I was feeling sick a few weeks ago so my son made supper for me - a peanut butter and honey sandwich because he forgot how to make oatmeal in the microwave. How sweet is that? I need to let him cook more. My fiance lets him cut veggies with a REAL paring knife. That freaks me out. But no bloodshed yet. What I really love is that he thinks really hard about what he CAN do.

He might be a little guy, but he's just 3 years away from learning to use firearms (!!), 5 years away from gun hunting, and only 10 years away from driving a car! He needs a strong sense of personal responsibility before he can do those things!

mrscoyote said:

I agree, children are very capable. I see kids with no idea how to order their food or choose off of a buffet cause they were never allowed. I have never liked that parents use velcro shoes cause they don't want to take the time to teach their child how to tie shoes. I have always encouraged my kids to do things and problem solve how to get it done. Like when something is out of reach or to heavy. Keep up the good work. Just remember to pamper a bit they still crave it from time to time. I love that my almost 8 year old son still wants mommy cuddles from time to time.
Nancy

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I helped out with preschool VBS when I was a teen. There were little kids that didn't know how to paint. (brush in the water, rub in paint, rub on paper) Because painting is too "messy" they never got a chance?

I'm guilty of not letting him help because I don't want the mess. Like rolling out cookie dough, I'd rather do that myself.

Sounds like the kid has a great start!

From the other side (two girls, 15 and almost 17) I can say that what you're doing will pay off big time as your son grows and matures--he WILL learn personal responsibility and be light years ahead of his peers in his confidence level.

Also from the other side, those years will go by SO quickly, so treasure every. single. moment. with him.

As a mother let me just say thank you for teaching your young man responsibility.

My 5 year old is incredibly independant. My 3, almost 4 year old? Not a chance. He still doesn't get the concept of shoes on the right feet. My oldest NEVER had that problem. The 5 year old is the biggest help, as far as washing dishes, cleaning up, feeding critters, etc. He has his own birds in the flock, but he has never been sole caretaker for an animal. He does, however, help with the entire flock, which I like to think teaches him responsibility and teamwork. The youngest? A big drain on my patience when I have to tell him 15 times, then finally drag him around to each toy to pick up. Drives me nuts! But he's also more of a sweet, cuddly kid. He'll make friends quickly, while the oldest is shy, a momma's boy and sometimes quite bossy with other kids. Sometimes I wonder if his independance doesn't make him think he's not in the same league as other kids his age.