Search results

When his sickly widower father finally died, Jasper would inherit a furniture factory. Jasper decided he wanted a woman to share it with. He went to a singles bar, and he saw a woman who was so beautiful, he couldn't believe his luck. Jasper strode right up to the beauty and said," I'm just your...

Little Walter had spent the whole day at the lot next door watching a crew building a new house. When he returned home his mother asked him what he had learned. "Well," Little Walter said proudly, " It is an f-ing headache when those f-ing idiots at the lumberyard send the wrong f-ing stock...

It's a really good cook book I picked up at the Library. I've copied macaroni salad, taco dip, and buttermilk chocolate cake recipes. The most interesting recipe I'm bringing to a potluck tomorrow. It's called broccoli cornbread. You take a cornbread mix and add eggs, cottage cheese, and a box...

Anyone looking forward to Angels and Demons? I read the book ages ago, but I remember it being a good story. We really enjoyed the Da Vinci Code. Didn't know that Tom Hanks was up to such a physically demanding role. I think hubby's just a little disappointed that Sophie Marceau isn't in this...

Well, I've kind of worked my way up to the 250 calorie mark, Katharina.:D We found this exercycle at our local thrift shop and it cost us a big $25.00. It was a really good score, and that kind of encourages us to use it.

Mel had a lot of work ahead of him, so he decided it was time to hire a part time helper. One of the applicants seemed smart enough, so Mel hired him. "OK," Mel said, "Your first job will be to sweep up the sawdust," and handed him a broom. "Look," protested the helper, "I'm practically a...

Good point, Sage. I avoid shows and channels that I know are going to annoy me in the first place. I'd like them to develop a nerf gun so the balls/shoes bounce even more beautifully off the TV screen. A nerf slingshot would be nice as well.

We have an exercycle that shows you how many "miles" you've biked, your heart rate, and how many calories you've burned. If I exercise quite quickly I can burn about 250 calories in a half an hour. I try to do it twice a day.

Joe's shop was on fire; he was on the line with the fire department, naturally quite upset. "What's your address, sir?" the fireman asked. "It's umm...umm...I can't remember!" Joe yelled. "Calm down sir!" the fireman said. "If we don't have your address, how can we possibly get there?" "Use...

I don't know, Katharina, that's some friend you have, to send you twelve pounds of Sees'! I need a friend like that, would you introduce me to her?:D

A quite aged woodworker was checking out tools at his local building supply store. He picked up a hammer and regarded it thoughtfully. "Don't make these hammers like they used to," he said to himself. "Why, I've had the same one for fifty years; just had to replace the handle six times and the...

I just heard that True Blood is set to begin it's second season in the middle of June...hooray!!!!! We finally will find out what was in the car that Sookie and Tara were screaming about...:eek:!

I don't think I've ever noticed a horrible smell from Valerian. Perhaps the bottle you bought was out of date, or otherwise adulterated? Speaking of horrible, I heard that melatonin (also for sleep) is distilled from horse urine? Sounds outlandish, but you never know....:confused:

Jim and Joe are framing a house. Jim notices that Joe is throwing away nearly every second nail, and becomes concerned. He asks, "What are you doing?!" Joe replies, "The heads are on the wrong end." Jim can't believe Joe's stupidity. "You idiot, save them for the other side!"

When I need it, I use Valerian. It has strong calming properties; in fact it's called "nature's Valium". It's good to take if you can't sleep. St John's wort has about the same properties, but is not as strong. You can take those for a few days if you like. Especially with the Valerian, try one...

One night a wife saw her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib. As she watched, the husband looked down with mixed emotions flitting across his face. She saw disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism. The wife put her arms around her husband, and said, "Penny...

My husband, who is very into all things Abraham Lincoln, found a DVD that was only a couple of dollars. The casting was bizarre. The actor playing Lincoln was Sam Waterston (the lawyer in Law and Order), and Mary Lincoln was being played by Mary Tyler Moore! This is the most bizarre casting...

This makes me wonder, what are some other "strange" things that have been lacquered? I have to admit that the pizza slice is the most original thing I've ever heard of.

A termite walks into a pub and asks: "Where is the bar tender?" I think that's a bit of a "way homer"...:p

I love the idea of a pizza clock. Like my hubby says, any time is a good time for pizza...:D