end of life humor aka a fairly normal morning here

flowerbug

Almost Self-Reliant
Joined
Oct 24, 2019
Messages
435
Reaction score
350
Points
107
Location
mid-Michigan, USoA
really that was the only title that fits this morning's conversations.

well it actually started Wednesday evening, because Mom went to visit some friends of hers and she has always talked to me and has it in her living will that she doesn't want anything done if something happens. basically DNR with very minor care to take care of pain, but nothing else, no breathing tubes, no feeding, etc. when she's done, she says she wants to be done (at times we think we're both well done already but that's a whole 'nother aside :) )...

when she came back i mentioned to her that she should have a bracelet or necklace or something with her which reflects her wishes just in case something happens (she gets in an accident, has a heart attack, who knows, but when she's not here). we already have all the legal paperwork done with the power of attourney and medical wishes stuff and who's the executor, etc.

but how do you keep the people who may come along from hauling you away, taking you to the hospital, running up who knows how many bills and then expecting you to foot them when in fact you don't want any of it?

this topic also comes about from a recent event with a few other distant people we know. one person had a stroke while driving, went off the road and ended up in the ditch. the only reason they are still alive is that their partner was driving behind them and saw it happen and someone else came along and gave them CPR. me, i want to be left alone to die right there. i'm done. so does Mom. instead they were taken to a medical center, not breathing, put on ventilator, eventually able to come off it but paralyzed on left side, probably permanently. um, no, not for me, feed me to the worms, and get on with your lives. that's all to do please for me. and for Mom too, but she wants to be fried (cremated).

this all is the pre-amble this morning where Mom is talking to my sister on the phone and brings up the topic and asks her about what to do and my sister says something about getting some paperwork and filling it out and making sure to always have it with you. so of course Mom translates the paperwork into "Death Wish" and we're talking about it and laughing and my sister is too, i can hear her on the phone with Mom. i have the keyboard on my belly typing and i'm laughing so Mom has to tell my sister my keyboard is jiggling from me laughing. :)

this is not an unusual morning for us. we usually find a way to laugh about something.
 

Mini Horses

Super Self-Sufficient
Joined
Sep 2, 2015
Messages
3,093
Reaction score
2,878
Points
272
Location
coastal VA
Of course you can provide a copy of the DNR/liv will to your PCP and local hospital if you visit often. But, in the case an accident, it's difficult to advise first responders. A bracelet may help.....with phone numbers to next of kin? They look at a wallet for ID, maybe a notice there?

Everyone should have family on board with wishes of this sort. And plans set out for eventual demise.
 

HomesteaderWife

Almost Self-Reliant
Joined
Dec 7, 2015
Messages
136
Reaction score
183
Points
147
@thistlebloom fit the humor!

In all seriousness, everything and everyone has their time. Accepting it, and finding a way laugh about it now is commendable. There's a time for tears and little time for fears.

I think the bracelet idea is a good idea to convey this wish, or even a dog tag/necklace of sorts that basically says "DNR" and maybe has a family phone number to confirm with a family member. And yes, something in the wallet is a good idea too.
 

flowerbug

Almost Self-Reliant
Joined
Oct 24, 2019
Messages
435
Reaction score
350
Points
107
Location
mid-Michigan, USoA
Of course you can provide a copy of the DNR/liv will to your PCP and local hospital if you visit often. But, in the case an accident, it's difficult to advise first responders. A bracelet may help.....with phone numbers to next of kin? They look at a wallet for ID, maybe a notice there?

Everyone should have family on board with wishes of this sort. And plans set out for eventual demise.
the family all knows and everything is set up that needs to be done within the family.

she doesn't have a PCP or a hospital and won't go.

will be looking into this more for sure...
 

baymule

Sustainability Master
Joined
Nov 13, 2010
Messages
6,077
Reaction score
4,998
Points
363
Location
East Texas
I rushed to the hospital some years back to find staff starting to hook my Daddy up and demanded they stop. They replied that I needed the paperwork to make them stop. I said “you already have it on file in this hospital, so STOP”. Mom walked in and made them remove the oxygen mask. Daddy took a few more ragged breaths and was gone. I cried tears of relief for him, he was free.
 

flowerbug

Almost Self-Reliant
Joined
Oct 24, 2019
Messages
435
Reaction score
350
Points
107
Location
mid-Michigan, USoA
I rushed to the hospital some years back to find staff starting to hook my Daddy up and demanded they stop. They replied that I needed the paperwork to make them stop. I said “you already have it on file in this hospital, so STOP”. Mom walked in and made them remove the oxygen mask. Daddy took a few more ragged breaths and was gone. I cried tears of relief for him, he was free.
that would be so tough to do, but that is what they want. i'm glad you were both able to stand up for his wishes.
 

HomesteaderWife

Almost Self-Reliant
Joined
Dec 7, 2015
Messages
136
Reaction score
183
Points
147
@baymule - So sorry for your loss, but I am joyed that you see it as his freedom. At least you both were there to ensure his wishes were seen through.

It's hard with lack of paperwork...we had family some time back and she was very elderly (early 90s) and always said she wanted to pass in her sleep. No DNR in order and she coded and they did CPR on her but she was so fragile she ended up with pneumonia immediately after and ended up partially septic I believe. Had her in critical unit for so long, poor thing. They finally got everything in order and years later she went exactly as she wanted- she passed in her sleep at a long life of 95.
 
Top