I'm just flabbergasted! Just need to get this off my chest, that's all

[Quail_Antwerp]

I didn't mean to judge her so harshly, I realize they could have just been laid off or had their company go under or something.

I just hate going in there. I mean, they want to know everything in such detail, I'm surprised that they don't ask for what we had for dinner the previous night.

 

[MorelCabin]

Oh I hear you there Quail, I uised top dread it as well, no privacy at all where they are concerned! Look on the bright side, it is only temporary, and you are honestly in need so keep your chin up:>)

 

[FarmerChick]

DH and I have a caseworker at the local jobs and family services. We had to go down to see her today and while there, we saw something quite startling.

This lady comes in dressed to the nines. Yes, I know we've had this talk before and people have strong opinions regarding welfare...but anyway...she had her hair done perfect, makeup, jewelry, and smelled wonderfully. (I am not on that side of the fence, but you can't help but notice when someone smells nice, esepcially when they sit right next to you.)

Her clothes were fancy, name brands, and sure made me feel dowdy in my farm jeans and t-shirt. I kept thinking, wow, I wish I could afford to buy the stuff she uses...meaning the good smelling shampoos, conditioners and obvious body scent she was wearing She smelled that good!

My DH was upset because he was in the parking lot when she drove in and she came out of a 2009 Cadillac with 30 day tags on it.

C'mon! Sell that car if you need money! That's what we were thinking anyway. I mean, I would be embarrassed going in there asking for help driving a fancy car like that! It used to be that you couldn't have too new of a car and receive help, but now I guess the age of the car (or in this case newness) doesn't matter. I can't imagine what those payments would be like.

I know I shouldn't worry about what other people do. Sometimes it is hard, though, to sit there in my old farm clothes, which are all mostly handmedowns, and have to swallow my pride and get help when someone else comes in dressed to the nines with a fancy car, and they qualify for the same things I do.

I am ready for the day when I never have to walk foot in that office again. I remember the first time I went in there about 2 years ago, and they wanted to help me get work. I was all for it. Their idea of "helping me" was having me make their bulletin board down stairs with the jobs on it that were hiring. I was to hang up the job openings for other people to see. Again, dressed in my farm clothes.

I told the lady I was assigned, "Look, I found out about a job yesterday, I know I could get hired, just let me go put the ap in! I most likely would start this week."

She said she'd have to ask her supervisor. Her supervisor called me into her office and said, "There is no way we can let you leave. We can't let you go looking for a job in your dirty clothes."

I was never so humilated. I was hurt and angry and started to cry. She told me I need to stop crying because crying would get me no where and not help my situation.

I left there when they dismissed us for lunch and I didn't return for the afternoon. Instead, I drove myself over to the job I had told them about (telemarketing) and I started the next day. Oh and guess what? I was wearing my farm clothes when I got hired.

Quail you are doing the same people do to you! Judge too quick.

You are coveting what others have or present to the world. Worry about your own......you know what I mean. I don't mean that bad in any way, I mean, take care of you and be prideful in YOU.

You are judging yourself and therefore judging this lady.


Well, you shouldn't go to an interview in farm clothes. LOL.....mine are rough big time! I can't wear them in public.

Quail you need to be YOU. You need to stop worrying about who walks in that "door" while you are there and what they are driving and what they might own.

Remember one thing..........be happy in your own environment and smile. Seeing "others" and wondering about their circumstances doesn't help one bit cause "their situation" is truly never known.

My rambling is hard to understand I am sure ...haha....but you know what I mean.


Live and let live and be the bigger person and worry about your own.

 

[Beekissed]

I understand what Aly means, though. The degredation you feel when you apply for and use assistance is very hard to bear. It has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself, there is a definite stigma attached to it and people treat you badly. And the reason they do? Because of the many people who play the system and don't really need it...it paints everyone with the same brush. I've heard the comments all my life, read all the bumper stickers, heard all the judgements made....it does wound your spirit no matter what you feel or believe about yourself. I've paid into the system since I was 14 years old....it doesn't change how bad I feel to be there in that office. :/

I remember when they had actual food stamps for paying for your groceries. You would go up to pay, the cashier would check your items and you would hand her the appropriate amount. She would say very loudly, "FOOD STAMPS?" and then proceed to count them very slowly.....and then again.....even if you had counted them out to her yourself when you handed them over. Meanwhile, the people behind you get more and more annoyed, make very mean comments, scrutinize what you bought, etc.

As for dirty farm clothes to an interview? I think everyone tries to wear the best they can to an interview, but it sounds like the job opportunity was in town and needed to be snapped up immediately.....someone who is in line for assistance has little extra gas money to run all the way home to change clothing and run back in time to hit a job opportunity. I know, I've done this myself. Usually, if I'm inappropriately dressed, I will explain and ask forgiveness for my appearance. It usually does the trick and it sounds like it did in Quail's case as well.

I can see Quail's point, as I've sat in the welfare office myself and watched as a cute, well-dressed young blonde talking on the cell phone waits along with me. As I hear her tell whoever how mad she is that she has to wait this long, the thoughts run through my mind also.....how can she afford a cell? How can she afford that leather jacket? Or the cigs she keeps running out to smoke? Or that very fresh tattoo? How can she, when I haven't been able to afford new underwear for two years? I think we all think it....but this is the place Aly feels safe in expressing it.

I'm glad Quail feels safe in letting us be her sounding board in these difficult times! If she can't tell us, who can she tell?

 

[me&thegals]

That woman had to be there for some reason other than financial assistance. There is no way she would have qualified unless the car she was driving was borrowed. The good clothes, well I know that I can find some really nice name brand stuff at the second hand stores around here, so who knows. The perfume...one good bottle of perfume will last you years, you use so little of it.
IF she was there for assistance there had to be good reason, don't judge her for being well put together. Back in the day when I was raising two kids on assitance many people told me that I was too well dressed to be collecting as well. All my clothes came from ritzy folk my mom used to clean for...and my clothes still come from those sources! They have always given me thier hand me downs...and I love it! So there may be things you don't see...

Very true. People are always surprised to find out almost all our clothes are secondhand.

I can understand, though, how it would hurt. I wish you the very best of luck. You seem like an incredibly resilient woman making the best out of difficult times. Good luck!