What if DH/DW Couldn't?

[tortoise]

Those of us with a partner or spouse might differentiate work between "his" and "hers" tasks. Smart plan! Until someone get sick, injured, or dies.

What does your partner/spouse/family do that would be difficult for you to do? Can you learn to do the tasks? Can you outsource them? Can you do without?

 

[baymule]

A year later. Wow. I sold the Lindale farm, closed in 63 days. I worked on sons rent house that wasn’t fit to rent. I moved all my farm stuff that I could by myself. And believe me, that was a lot of trailer loads. LOL Neighbors helped me make a load of stuff. The buyers packed up household items in their cargo trailer and moved a load. Friends packed up another load in the cargo trailer and we moved it. Had to build pens for sheep and dogs, build fence. Finally moved sheep and dogs. Exhausted, I got Covid again.

Found a 25 acre farm with a 22 year old Doublewide in near perfect shape in April, finally closed July 15. I redid interior. Sellers helped me put up 2 long stretches of fence, they graze their cows on the front and back field, sheep have middle field. Moved in August 27, moved sheep and dogs next day. I still have lots of stuff at sons house. While I was there, I hired workmen and got it all fixed up.

Went to Tennessee with @Ridgetop and her DH to visit another BYH member and buy their ram. 1500 mile round trip. Had a blast! We rested a day, went to Austin area for them to introduce me to one of the best Anatolian breeders in the country and gave me their stamp of approval. He has 2 females out to be bred.

I’ve had a lot of loss. One month to the day after losing the love of my life, I had to put down Paris, 13 year old Great Pyrenees, who didn’t understand why her Daddy didn’t come home. My best and favorite ewe, Miranda, slipped and shattered her leg, had to put her down. I lost 5 lambs to various causes. When I had Covid for the second time, a registered ewe prolapsed, couldn’t get a vet out, too weak and sick to help her. Had a friend shoot her. My big baby, sweet Great Pyrenees, Trip, had cancer and was put down in July. It broke my heart that he never got to see the new farm.

I’ve really had it with loss, heartbreak, grief and death. I’m strong, maybe I’m taking a hit for someone who can’t handle it. So be it.

Had knee replacement surgery 2 weeks ago tomorrow. @Ridgetop and her DH picked me up at hospital, she stayed 3 nights with me. Lifesaver! Son came in off a job, was here 3 nights, gone again on another job. Have a friend hired to come twice a day to take care of dogs and sheep. I’m blessed. I fed dogs and sheep this evening but wasn’t up to dragging the water hose. I’ll get there. I’m taking Physical Therapy twice a week. It hurts.

Farm is beautiful. I got a lot of work to do, probably never get finished but that’s ok. I’m happy here. I’m home. I’m going to increase my flock to 30 ewes. Lots of fencing to get done. Can’t do it all by myself, I’ll figure it out. I want horses again. I’ve lived in pain for so long, I hope I can ride and not be in pain and agony.

BJ would have loved the farm. We were already thinking about moving here to Trinity county. Well, here I am. Tomorrow is a new day.

 

[Mini Horses]

Well...I AM the only! I do a lot...not all perfect but, not bad either. I'm learning to do more mechanically than before but, pay if beyond reasonably workable. I do have oil changes done...lot easier. But other filters, plugs, lights, fuses, I do okay.

I fence, shovel, load/unload feed. All feeding, watering, meds etc. Castrate when needed. Assist any foaling, kidding...lots of experience! 😁 trim hooves...horses and goats. The tractor was a great purchase for me -- muscle when I need. I mow, brush hog, grade, disc, dig with backhoe..I even hire "us" out on occasion. Gotten pretty good at the hardest implement to hook up, bush hog!

Garden, can, cook....I'll butcher birds but, so far, take pigs or goats to a butcher. They are killed, gutted, hung and I pick up to cut and pkg. I'm cheap, not good. . I'm not worried about "doing" just what if I am the one who can't! 🤔😁 I work at staying healthy as I can. Attitude.

IF YOU HAVE NO health or physical limitations, trust me, you can do many things you felt you couldn't! I know I could shoot and gut that hog if I needed to!!! I know I'm not as strong as a big, muscled man...that's why I have my tractor, Arnie....after Schwartzenagger😁


This is a good thread...everyone needs to consider these things, realistically.

 

[FarmerJamie]

Today worked out okay. Not getting to the apples tonight, she is worried about the sauce sticking/burning in her instapot.

We both will sleep soundly tonight I think.

Been doing the canning thing too long by myself. Lolol. Had to stop and explain to her what I was doing and what the next step is.

Bottom line, we're happy about today and made a good memory.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

For me, I'm already doing most of the physical work, but I know I can't do it all. I can't do housework and farm work and garden and do them all well. Either my house will be dirty or I'll be behind in the garden or the goats will need some maintenance.

I'm living this thread right now. As mentioned previously, I already do most of the physical work. Now I have the extra time-sucking job of the physical care of DH for as long as his problems continue. Definitely not whining about that! I'm so thankful that he's still here for me to care for. His weakness won't last forever and I see small gains in his strength daily. However, the time that I'm spending on his care is subtracting from my ability to do all the other chores that need to be done on a daily basis. We start at 6am with one of his meds that has to be taken several hours apart from other meds and certain foods. After that I can fix him a carefully selected breakfast followed by more meds. Fast forward to lunch, more pills dinner, more pills. Throw in some bathroom trips, umpteen water refills a day, and the occasional 'oops I dropped the remote can you pick it up for me' accidents.

It's funny because the enormity of the tiny things is mind blowing! Thankfully, he's able to get up and down out of his recliner on his own now. That's a huge relief.

My respect for caretakers has grown immensely!

 

[baymule]

I can hardly believe this thread came up. Thank you FJ for bringing it back, even tho I didn't know about it.

I'm still sick. Haven't been sick since 2019 late fall. A sore throat and now a runny nose. Second week.

My thoughts these last two days, since hubs is off in another city in CA trying to earn some money doing painting, is that when he goes (before me) I cannot live here. I'm not Bay, even tho we are the same age. I'm just not knowledge enough for farm life, even tho I wanted to be a cowgirl from my 6th birthday party on. Gardening and chickens is the most I can do.

Hubs was diag with very very early signs of dementia. He's on two meds right now, not for dementia, but for mood. Its made a huge world of difference. I've been trying to be more positive with him and find that it has repaired alot of our previously broken marriage.

Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Make decisions that are right for you. If you give thought to that now, it may be easier in the future. If chickens and a garden are what you want, then make that decision and make it happen. In the meantime, live each day to the fullest.

 

[FarmerJamie]

My wide jokingly claims her name is Celtic for "klutz". Moving things around in the refrigerator, she somehow mashed her hand (or the fridge bit her?) HUGE BRUISE. swelling was enough I had to wrap it, ice treatment helped. Down again in bed resting/elevating it

@baymule she got her new favorite local Chinese food for a late lunch

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I totally forgot about the garden. I till it, I row it, I plant it, I weed it, I pick it, I cook it, I can it, and We eat it, lol!

I promise ya'll - he's not a total bum. He can run the vacuum cleaner too! And he does his own laundry!

And - this is the very best! I Get A Backrub EVERY Single Night!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I think this thread, in so many ways, is about adapting. Thinking about the possibilities is a good thing. We can all improve our skills. Backing a trailer gets easier with practice. Stacking hay - could your 14 year old help with that? Handling equipment could make it so much easier to deal with your sheep. There are ways to make these things work.

For me, I'm already doing most of the physical work, but I know I can't do it all. I can't do housework and farm work and garden and do them all well. Either my house will be dirty or I'll be behind in the garden or the goats will need some maintenance. When I was single and working and going to school (and 20+ years younger) I did pretty well. But, both of my children were home and they helped.

It's definitely a reality check.

 

[Hinotori]

I work in bursts. My lungs only allow so much stress at a time. Overdo it and I'll have issues for days. Better to take a chair and have 5 minute breaks regularly so I get it all done without issue.