Would I be a bad mom.. UPDATE

[Damummis]

If I told my daughter that if she wasn't related I wouldn't choose her as a friend.

Her actions are not becoming a good moral person. I thought I raised her with better values.

Oh, she is 16.

 

[abifae]

Might be a really GOOD mom thing.

I realize you are 16 and therefore an idiot and feces ejecting hole (it edited me ), but get your head out of your butt. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like you.

 

[FarmerChick]

I wouldn't say that to my daughter actually.

I think ya just have to work thru the problems. Saying YOU wouldn't like her as a person is kinda off for a mom to say. I would say something more like---people don't appreciate that type of behavior, and you should act to others and how you live your life, the same way you want others to treat you. (you know, shove a ton of good old sayings at her lol)

16
16
16
that is the whole problem LOL let her get thru that age 16 lol and be as understanding and lead by example. YOU KNOW it will kick in when she is older. She sees how you act.

I was wild at 16 now I act just like my great Mom HA HA HA and not once did my Mom ever say she didn't like me.

 

[Bethanial]

What Abi said. I know more than once in my teen years my Mom sat me down and told me plainly that she raised me better and I'd better get my act in gear. Usually worked at least a little bit.

 

[Damummis]

Do all 16 year old girls have NO conscience????
Do they all lie, about EVERYTHING?

She is always doing damage control because of the lying. Don't lie, no damage control.

She is burning bridges faster than she can cross them.

17 months and she is outa here.

 

[abifae]

Well, I didn't lie, but I'm broken that way.

I think most do. My sister did.

Of course, she is still pretty useless so there you go.

Boot her out in 17 months and see if she sorts herself out enough that you let her visit

 

[i_am2bz]

Damummis, do you think it would make a difference if you told her? Do you believe it would affect her behavior?

 

[lwheelr]

It is ok to say, "You aren't an immoral person. But you are acting like one."

My kids run the gamut at 16. Most of them would not tell a lie as a general rule, though most did go through a phase where they were struggling with a particular behavior, and lied about that for a while, then confessed and overcame the behavior.

Two of them were the exception - one had Fetal Drug Effect (I had necessary gallbladder surgery while pregnant with her). She was incapable of understanding the difference between right and wrong, truth and fiction. She literally cannot understand what a lie is, so she lies, and then says she is honest, and believes it because she doesn't know there is a difference.

The other one was exposed to alcohol and pornography in his early teen years by some neighbors (neither alcohol nor porn has ever been welcome in our home in any form). So by the time he turned 16 he was pretty deep in some addictive behaviors that colored all his actions. He lied to feed his addictions. I did not know this while he was home. I knew he was addicted to smoking (there were consequences, and he quit twice), and I knew he went back and forth on the porn issue (we worked with him a lot on that), but I did not know he was also addicted to alcohol. It was completely hidden - and it isn't that I didn't know what to look for - the one time he tried pot, I spotted that right there. He just hid the alcoholism very well - no one in the family knew, and only one neighbor knew, because they were the ones giving it to him.

From that, I'm suggesting that you start looking hard for an underlying cause. In most cases, it is behavioral - often an addictive behavior.

Lying is almost always a symptom of something else going on deeper down, and that is the thing that really needs to be dealt with.

 

[FarmerChick]

it would take ALOT (and I mean a HELL OF ALOT) for me to ever kick my kid out of the house. I certainly don't know the circumstances of your DD. But for me personally, I would work thru very very very very much with my kid before the throwing out of the house bit starts. Before my child ever hits the streets on her own, she will be set up with good job, good housing, etc. I would never leave it to chance. ever

my DD is only 5 years old lol so I got a long way to go, but throwing my kid out of my home (unless it was truly a horrifying situation--and I mean it would have to be unbelievably horrible), throwing her out woud never be an option to me.


(disclaimer) this is my opinion, how I view raising my daughter in this family. Our family sticks together no matter what. Throwing someone out is just not an option I would choose. (of course subject to change in the future, but again, it would have to be monsterous situation)

Every time I hear some parent say they can't wait to throw there kid out just gives me the willies. I don't know, probably cause my family is so close and this just doesn't happen.

 

[Woodland Woman]

This is what I would say and have said:

I will always love you because you are my daughter but there are times I don't like you. You know better because I have taught you better. Don't lower yourself to the level of ________ or doing ________. Be a step above. You are going to learn certain lessons in life. If you are smart you will learn from the experience of others. If you are stubborn you will pay a price one way or the other because life works that way.

Then stay on her "behind" because you have only a short time before she turns 18.