Bee~ Journal of then...

[roosmom]

There will be other christmas's Beekissed. It does kinda suck when the "passing by" happens. Like last year, year before, this year. ugh.

 

[Beekissed]

Yeah, I've had Christmas's like this before and it never killed us. I would, however, like to take a couple of days off with my family but they've got me on call most days, which means we can't go anywhere and I can't make any plans in case someone calls or needs me to come to their homes.

This kind of nursing is more rewarding than any other kind I've done, but it has a certain element of emotional burn-out that kind of creeps up on you. You don't even realize how much you've seen, done or said until you get home and all the info whorls around in your head. Different than the ER or ICU, really. This job is a combination of nursing and PR....you're in people's homes and lives and you can't slip up at any time or your company is trashed in these small communities. Or people go without the needed help they could get from hospice because their aunt's brother's wife said that one of the staff forgot to tell her about something SHE thought was important, therefore, hospice is not worth having in your home because they are just trouble...blah, blah, blah!

When I signed on there was a lot of this kind of thing, as our other two nurses aren't the warmest personalities on the block. I don't know why I feel responsible for promoting hospice or anything, but I hate to be painted with the same brush, so I go out of my way to be extra supportive, extra warm, extra efficient and caring...which is my forte, but can get wearying after awhile! When you do this, the people call you at home instead of calling the other nurses when they are on call. Then I have to call the nurse on call and tell her what they said...and I can tell she is miffed because they didn't just call her in the first place! See? Kind of a lot of tunes to which to dance and a balancing act I have difficulty maintaining at the end of the day.

Now, you see why this holiday season is kind of rolled up on me and I haven't had the time or energy to notice! AND the pay is horrible! So that isn't why I keep working, working, working.....its because I'm trapped in a sea of emotional dependency and I'm too soft-hearted to swim ashore! I guess it will all work out in the end. Thanks for letting me whine, guys! Its just nice to have a place to vent without emotional fall-out....

Now! Whew! I feel better now!!!!

 

[PamsPride]

HUGS Bee!! I hope you can get bit by the Christmas bug soon!! And just do like I do and leave the decorations up WAY after Christmas!! Then you can enjoy them without all of the pressure that comes with it....big meals, family visiting, parties ect!
Your job is extraordinarily hard!!! It does take a special person to be able to do what you do. I could never do it!

 

[Farmfresh]

I think I felt a similar kind of drain when I worked with the at risk students at the alternative school.

They used to come and bare their souls to us, lay on their burdens and look to us for answers every day. It was especially hard because these were children that had often faced traumas (watching one parent murder the other one) and trials (being sold into prostitution) that most of us can not even imagine. Yet I eagerly went each day for 9 years into the fray to give them my all. I think I would even do it again. But for now I work with smaller kids and easier problems (Autism). I decided to take a break because of physical problems, but I had NO IDEA how tired I really was. It was severely impacting me and my family. I was grouchy and irritable all the time. I thought I had left their problems at school, but it was obviously carrying with me all along.

We just had school to deal with - nursing you have to deal with life and death. I really admire your strength and tenacity - just remember to give yourself time FOR yourself. Let someone else feel guilty for not acting like a Christmas elf.

I believe that Jesus - who is the reason for Christmas after all - would approve of you, tired, decoration-less and all.

 

[Beekissed]

Oh, Farmfresh! I could NEVER do the children!!! That is way, way worse than dealing with people who are just in physical pain and close to dying. Those torn up children have to find a way to live the rest of their lives with an emotional scar that noone can see. That would bring me to tears every day, as I would identify each child with a comparison to my own. I would be wanting to take them all home and protect them for the rest of their lives! Even I'M not strong enough for that kind of a job! I can imagine how you felt...so helpless to stop it, to help it, to make it all better...it would tear me up too badly! Someone has to do it, though....man, am I ever glad that there are people out there who are strong enough. You never see these kind of jobs featured on "Dirty Jobs", do you? :/

 

[Farmfresh]

See this is why we are all intended for the job we do.

I always felt that I could teach those kids some skills then they could go on to lead a "normal" life (what ever that is). Since they were kids they were very resilient and they had time on their side.

I could never do the sick and dying thing. I would just be broken at the end of the day.



God makes us each unique - there are lots of kinds of jobs to do.

 

[Beekissed]

Amen to that!

 

[tfpets]

Thank you for doing the wonderful jobs that you do, no matter the age of the people you care for! The sick, the needy, it all matters...and it's so important.....You are Christmas! The giving of yourselves is what matters...It may not seem like much, but it really is...your time and efforts count...you cant be paid enough.....you are touching lives whether the Healthy people involved can appreciate it or NOT! Each person surrounding the patient has their own drama or emotional issue - family, money, personal agenda....but your care of the patient is what really matters....its about their care and comfort....who gives a hoot about that other C<@P? I hope you can enjoy your own Christmas...you are fantastic!!

My opinion

Tina/tfpets

 

[PamsPride]

OT but...

Every time DD see's your avatart Bee she wants to know why the cow is licking me!! And she thinks it is so cute!

 

[Beekissed]

WOW! I don't feel like I deserve such an accolade, but thank you very much! I guess I never really thought it as being anything extraordinary...just my job, you know, but I guess it may have more far-reaching ramifications to the public.

You all sure know how to make a gal feel better!