Daughter dilemma

[Denim Deb]

As has been stated, she can be a mobile vet. She can also have an office at her house. For that matter, if she's a mobile vet, she can take the kids w/her on house calls, like James Herriot.

 

[abifae]

Having had friends in this situation, I can tell you to get educated and keep working part time, even with kids at home, or at least volunteer. Cuz when bad things happen and you need a job, you need a resume.

10 years straight of volunteering one night at week at an animal shelter, with a vet degree, will keep her job-worthy.

 

[freemotion]

In my area, there are vets who specialize in chiropractic and acupuncture. I've had my horse and one of my dogs worked on and it is amazing when done well. Some work with horses only, some with small animals only, and some divide their time between the two.

In some areas, an equine dentist does not have to be a vet and a good one is kept quite busy.

 

[gettinaclue]

"gettinaclue, I hear ya. I guess I am just a bad example. My college is useless after being out of the workforce for 15 years. If anything happened and i needed to get a job, I would have to settle for a min wage job."


Please don't misunderstand me. It was not my intention to insult...truely and sincerely it was not. I deeply apologize if that is what I did.

I see SAHMs left out in the cold all the time, and I mean ALL the time.

Young people get married and have babies and get divorced. The majority of the time, the young lady has custody of the child and has serious problems getting child support, has to take low paying jobs with bad hours and low pay and the ends never meet.

As the economy has tanked, I FREQUENTLY have people calling me or coming to the office that have been married for between 20 and 30 YEARS because they are splitting. Where does that leave the SAHM? Out in the cold. Even if they are entitled to half of any retirement, it is rarely enough to do much with.

Please don't misunderstand me. While I could not hang with being a SAHM, I am all for it, if you have the patience and ability. But there is an inherent financial danger to being a SAHM that having higher education can help should problems arise. Even if she works full time while being a full time mom and then gets a divorce, without higher education, it's gonna be a rough ride.

Also, there is never ANYTHING wrong with learning and knowledge. It is one of the reasons for me doing all the things I do. I enjoy learning and experiencing new things. Just because she is going to be a SAHM, doesn't mean she shouldn't persue her interests. Why not get a degree if it's something she wants?

The student loans...well, that's another thing. I have no advice or suggestions. It is why I didn't continue to pursue my higher education. So I joined the military to get money for college. I was never able to use it for many reasons. I am just as stuck financially as most SAHMs.

If my DH and I split, I cannot pay the monthly expenses...even if there were no mortgage and no child care.

Higher education never hurt anyone that I know.

Again, I meant no offense, and I am very sorry if I offended you or anyone else here.

 

[Denim Deb]

Just a question, who is she studying barefoot trimming under?

 

[moolie]

What I don't want is to see her beat herself up deciding what she is going to do for her future. there are no guidance counsellors for grade 7 kids. but she is one that needs a plan.

I really really really don't want this to come out the wrong way, but I just have to say it and hope you take it with the sincere concern with which it is offered.


Your daughter (and you?) might think she needs a plan now, but really she doesn't.

She's 13.

She's a kid.

Kids are supposed to enjoy their childhood, because heaven knows it is over far too soon as it is, and then she'll spend the rest of her life wishing she had just kicked back and enjoyed being 13, 14, 15 etc. instead of worrying about what she's going to do in 5 years time. That's why they don't have guidance counselors yet.

She doesn't need to know now.

She can have ideas, dreams, aspirations, intentions.

My husband is 42 and has had numerous different jobs (all related to computers) in 3 different cities, I'm 39 and I've had 2 totally different careers on top of staying home with my girls. No one spends their entire life doing just one thing anymore.

If this was my kid, I'd have a frank chat with her about what I've just said. That she doesn't need to know now. That she has years of time to spend researching the possibilities instead of needing to know what to do as of right now. Because she is going to change her mind. Several times before she's 18.

And real life is going to intervene, as it has done for several posters above. Marriage/partnership doesn't always happen as/when planned. Children are a real wild card, sometimes they come way sooner, or way later, or not at all. And your daughter is going to need to realize that there is no map that can be drawn in advance that will get her there.

Ideas, dreams, aspirations, intentions, plans--all great things. Talk to your daughter about your own life. About your childhood and teenage ideas about what your adult life would look like--compared to how it turned out. If you were able to map it out accurately, huge props to you--I wasn't. My life has gone incredibly well, and way better than I had thought, but it looks nothing like what I thought it would when I was 13, let alone 18 and in university.

 

[patandchickens]

Honestly, since at age 13 it is probably pretty unlikely to predict whether she will be ABLE to become a vet, I would not worry about it at this point. Certainly looking at what other options would be is a good idea, but I think it is MASSIVELY premature to even think about "vet or not". Second year of university, maybe then.

I do not see that the SAHM issue is really much of any different being a vet than being anything else. If you're going to do it, you're going to be working less or not at all for at least 5 years or so. But once the last kid is in school, you can go back to a reasonably full career as long as it is flexible enough to accommodate summers and so forth.

One of the vets at the small animal clinic I use was basically a SAHM, she only worked maybe 10 hrs a week I think. (e.t.a. - and the vet who euthanized one of my cats a few years ago had a mobile after-hours practice doing housecalls and taking her husband and child with her)

There is more flexibility than you might think, as long as your finances can take it and you are not insistant on living in one particular town no matter what. And really the same is true of anything ELSE, isn't it? There is maybe a *bit* more issue of maintaining professional currency as a temporarily-not-working-much vet than as, say, an equine massage person, but the basic issues are the same.

So sure. Look at a wide variety of options to think about over the next 10 years... NOT because she wants to be a SAHM but because that is just in general a good thing to do when you are 13

Not a whole lot of 'alternative equine practitioners' make a fulltime living at it, or even close to it, btw, IME... and the ones that do are either naturally-inborn BRILLIANT with horses, just intuitively, PLUS having extensive and broad horse experience, or are simply marketing geniuses

Pat

 

[Our7Wonders]

Something for her to consider doing at her age in the mean time would be pet sitting or dog walking. In our state at 13 you can legally babysit - I would imagine pet sitting would be similar. She could get licensed and bonded even - if she wanted to make a true business out of it. It would be a great opportunity for her to start earning a little money AND decide if she really likes working with other people's pets.

At 16 (at least here) she could hire on to work in the vet clinics helping to clean out kennels and such - get her foot in the door with a vet anyway.

It is early to decide on a life long career but there are opportunities, even at her young age, to start exploring potential career interests - and earn a little money too.

 

[framing fowl]

I think it's great she's willing to talk with you about her dreams and goals and still values your input! Who cares if she changes her mind 50 times between now and later. Helping her explore those ideas and helping her research what is possible will give her more good choices to choose from later and the likelihood that she finds something that works for her is greatly increased.

I don't know anything about the horse industry but I have seen people around here advertising equine massage and equine magnet therapy. Don't know where you would learn to do that though?

 

[Wannabefree]

There is nothing wrong with this child planning ahead IMO. If she wants to dream and double check it's practicality, encourage her to do so. The beautiful thing about SAHM is you can couple that with almost ANYTHING and work from your home these days. She's not limited to being a vet, or anything else. I'd be more concerned about her drive to own her own business, and making sure she knows how hard the work will be to juggle SAHM and a career. I am a SAHM, kind of, I work part time for someone else, part time for myself, and FULL time for my family and we intend on homeschooling again this year which will also be my job for the most part. I never wanted a "career" per se, and did not have the opportunity to go to college. I was busy raising my sister anyway That's not to say college is not important IF thats what ya want, and I am currently upset with my DD19 that hasn't started college yet because she HAS the opportunity that I didn't and she wanted to go...but then it's not for everybody, and not necessary. If you work hard, and have a strong work ethic, you can do anything. I have been fine, not to say money has never been tight, but I enjoy the life I live. Not going to college is not a horrible thing if you make sure you have other options/skills.

That being said, she WILL change her mind a hundred times. Have her research what she wants to do and find out if other women are SAHM's and work the jobs she wants. She's already getting an education...just not a college education. She is learning a tangible skill though, something not so many folks have anymore. The most important thing you can teach her is to be independent and think outside the box...even the "college" box if that is what she wants. Just my opinion, it's what i teach mine If they don't want to go to college, better find something to make a living. The End. No big deal either way.

Success is not and never has been defined by college or university, and I really dislike how it is pushed down folks throats today