Do you ever feel like giving up...but didn't? New strength to go on...

[Beekissed]

Every once in a while.....like today.....I feel like, "What in the heck am I doing here?" No one else in my family really cares about this lifestyle, lately I've made some really stupid decisions and used more money than I care to admit, my garden looks like crapola due to the wet weather and getting it in late, and my back is giving me fits.

So, today is hunker down, call off work to lay on an ice pack (I have only called off work once in a year and a half, so you know this is serious! ) and feel sorry for myself day. I think, as a woman, one has a right to have a "feel sorry day" every now and again.

This is mine.

I think its hormonal but sometimes I just have to give in to it. I've always been of the opinion that one may visit Pity Town, but must not pack one's bags and find a place to rent there. Two to three days of self pity is usually all I allow myself.

Anyone else feel like you're running in water and life would be so much easier if you could be like everyone else and just buy your food from the store? Or even pay someone else to raise it for you? That~ with the right equipment, husband, land, life~ this would be so much easier? Ever get tired of doing everything the hard way? Want to win the lottery? Want to have enough money to play the lottery?

Can I get an amen out there?

 

[ams3651]

ive struggled all my life, nothing ever came easy to me. I just get tired of doing it by myself. I currently need shingles repaired on my roof and with all the rain I just try not to think about it. I cant afford to pay someone and I cant do it myself. So enjoy your mental health day.

 

[MorelCabin]

Bee, God has you where He does for very good reason, and I have seen many many more Blessings in your life than hardships! You are absolutely wonderful..but...it's nice to know you're human and you get those days too
You are my inspiration in so many ways! You bring a smile to my face everytime I read your journal...you are a true blessing to so many! I love you Bee, and you can have a pity party every once in a while as long as you keep on being you!

 

[big brown horse]

Of Course!! I had one last week. I have a cronically sick child and last week she fell on the beach and cut her knee wide open. That was the straw that broke this camel's back. I cried all evening about this and that. Her good for nothing father never caring, no support financially etc puts all the burden onto my sholders. I sometimes feel like I'm running a marathon and I'm at the 24th mile with no cheering croud helping me to the finish.

We just moved 2300 miles away from all family and friends, so that doesn't help on days that I feel like that. But I look around and see everything I have accomplished and I start to feel better.

Well that pity party lasted me all of 12 hours. The next morning I felt refreshed, her knee looked ten times better and my goofy dogs made me giggle.

I know that chronic pain such as you are experiencing can wear you down fast. You sound overwhelmed right now. Relax, get your back feeling better and take another look at eveything you have accomplished (not what you have to accomplish).

 

[MorelCabin]

Relax, get your back feeling better and take another look at eveything you have accomplished (not what you have to accomplish).

Good advice BBH! Sorry to hear all that you are going through yourself right now...life can be crummy at times, I know, but you both have just the greatest attitudes to keep you from being dragged under with it all:>)

 

[big brown horse]

Thanks Morel.

I wanted to add that Bee has inspired me and a lot of others too.

Bee, when I try to get down and out I have to look around outside. It sounds like you live in a slice of Heaven. After you drink in all that beauty, then think about the single women living in war zones etc who have to hold it all together for their children. It all helps bring it back into perspective.

You have healthy boys, food on the hoof and in the ground. That is a HUGE accomplishment in itself.

 

[Tallman]

I'm having a hard time believing what I am reading here. Bee you are so positive all of the time, and you are the one that gives me a pick-me-up every now and then. It helps to stop and realize that it is not that which you accomplish that gives you worth, but it is that which you are.

 

[Wifezilla]

You mean like how I feel after I have made a special effort for the past several months to stock up and fill my freezer and now after 3 weeks with my oldest home on leave all the food is gone?

 

[freemotion]

Anyone else feel like you're running in water and life would be so much easier if you could be like everyone else and just buy your food from the store? Or even pay someone else to raise it for you? That~ with the right equipment, husband, land, life~ this would be so much easier? Ever get tired of doing everything the hard way? Want to win the lottery? Want to have enough money to play the lottery?

Can I get an amen out there?

AMEN, SISTER!!!!!

Go ahead, have a good cry, you've earned it. Have a glass of wine (if you indulge) with me and maybe get out that book you've been setting aside because you have so much to do.....or turn on the tube and find something that doesn't make your brain work....but has a GOOD ENDING, very important!......and sit there with a vacant stare and drool running down your chin....er...tears....

Make sure there is a snuggly dog or cat or kid nearby, and either chocolate or something salty-crunchy. Or chocolate covered salty-crunchy.....This is no time to be concerned with healthy food! Mental health food is important, too!

Your boys are leaving, your cow bonked you, your back hurts, your cow plans are too much work for you now, you have a ridiculously difficult and emotionally taxing job, and I strongly suspect you only tell us the tip of the iceberg. It is exhausting to always be the strong one for everyone else.

Lean on us. We are here for you. Wish I could be there and feed you some mental health food and massage your back and your feet, and turn you into jello again.

 

[big brown horse]

Freemotion, I'm not even having a bad day and I may take that advice too.

How do you always know the right things to say? Such a talent you have.

I agree with freemotion, CHILLAX with some wine, chocolate covered salty stuff and watch a feel good movie!

We are all here for you as you would be for us.