From the Outside Looking in

[farm_mom]

I have to say, I feel like an outsider. I can see how many of you feel like a nice little close knit community. It sure looks that way. In many ways it's my own fault, in that I think I come here to the forums (BYC and SS) looking for something different than most. To me it's a way to those of use with the same interests to share information, stories, jokes etc... I enjoy these forums but they are not my "family." And I have not started my own page here, as I'm a blogger, and feel no need to do it twice.

I am one of those people who wishes we could just stay on topic, to an extent. I shouldn't have to read other people's views on abortion, particularly when they're phrased in such a way as to say all other views are wrong and or ridiculous. Thems fightin' words, and I don't come here to fight or to feel provoked or ridiculed. I also shouldn't have to see thread after thread at these two places geared toward the acceptance of one religion and one way to vote. (complete with political adds down at the bottom of the forum page.)

And I can hear it now, "buck up" "don't read" "get over it" "get a thicker skin" etc.... which is just another way of saying "yeah, you're right, you don't fit in here. If you don't believe this way, you don't belong."

Perhaps I'm just burnt out. I'm sick to death of this political climate and the continual bombardment of opinions. I feel like I should be able to go to the chicken forum without reading horrible disparaging remarks about fat people (which I am. And even though the author was nice enough to excuse me because of my glandular issue....it's still unneccessary and cruel.) or the poor or minorites. Fat chickens, poor chickens and minority chickens...sure. Harsh, inconsiderate remarks about people? Unnecessary.
And I shouldn't have to read a whole thread about your views on abortion on a self-sufficiency forum...unless you're performing them on yourself at your own home. That's self-sufficient!

I know this will not be popular thread. And I am not trying to get people riled up. I just feel like if someone doesn't step up and point out that there are others who are interested in self-suffiency and may possibly like to be more involved in this forum, but may stand back, and not get involved because they feel initially put off. People we could all learn a lot from, then it's a loss to this growing community.

My point is, this place is new. There's a chance to make this place as open and as friendly as possible. I really hope that you do. I think it's too late for me. I'm just too burnt out.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Hi Angie, My name's Aly, and I am sorry you feel the way you do.

I just posted on another thread that we need to remember to make everyone feel welcome.

I don't like those threads you refer to on BYC because they all end up bitey and rude. Here, we try to politely express our opinions and accept others with their opinions without judgement.

I understand being tired of seeing political climate...frankly I am tired of all the commercials about it on TV, but I don't have the option to view only certain commercials if I am watching a show. Just think, election is only a few days away, then hopefully it will subside a bit. I think right now it's a big topic on everyone's mind with the elections coming up.

Please continue to share with us, I know we will do our best to make you feel part of the community. We appreciate everyone here, and all members are important.

I would love to read about your progress into Self Sufficiency

 

[roosmom]

Farm_mom, It takes real guts to stand up and state something that is truthful to you. I personally hope that you give this a few more chances. Especially if you are trying to be self sufficient or already are self sufficient, because you may have information I need or can use.
I would have to say, that because I cannot be on here as much because I am at work, and choose not to be on here when I go home at night (to much else to do) I also feel like an outsider.
You are right, this is not my*FAMILY*. I do not think we should have the number of posts a person has listed below our names and I do not care about names below our usernames, as that will further make people feel segregated.
I do agree with QA in that, people are more polite here and try to be more understanding. I believe that most people on here WANT this to be a community of self sufficient people. But if we are not careful, then others will be left out. Maybe not intentionally, but it will happen. So when someone gets left out because no one posts to their page or journal, they feel left out and not accepted. I dont think anyone on here wants to make anyone else feel like that. IMO, this happens because someone has been found on here that will listen, someone that will interact with you and who doesnt seem to judge you. You belong......You belong and in the belonging and being accepted, the newcomers will be forgotten.
I think this is a good place for me. For the most part. I think that some of the *goings on behind the scenes* should stop. If a person were not as strong as us, then we wouldnt keep trying.
So, go if you want, but you are not the only one and sometimes the bad must not be participated in. I hope you stay.

 

[Zenbirder]

Hi farm_mom,
so what are you most proud or accomplished about in moving toward self sufficiency? (if you are not too burn't out to talk about it?)

 

[TanksHill]

Welcome!!!

I just wanted to tell you I found this SS forum through BYC as well and have really not gone back. I have heard storrys about threads over there but have not viewed them personally. Let me tell you I have never seen or heard anything on this forum like that The friends we have here are down to earth great people. They have a wealth of expierence and advice they are allways willng to share. I am a SS newbee and have asked a ton of questions and allways recieved nothing but genuine, kind answers. With no politics and bs mixed in. I just don't think they have time for it.

I hope you contunue to visit this forum and discover this for yourself. gina

 

[Dace]

I too am sick to death of politics, but in my real everyday life. I can not wait for this election to be over!

As for feeling as if you do not belong, I technically do not belong either. I do not have land, I do not have chickens or LGDs (LOL) no goats, no farm, no giant garden, no cows or hogs. Just a house in the middle of suburbia with a desire for something simpler.

I do not come here and expect everyone to be like minded, I enjoy the diversity we have on this site and have never found anyone to be shoving their views down my throat. I appreciate that everyone has their own unique talents and abilities and most importantly (IMHO) the desire to share with like minded people.

I am sorry that you are not happy with this forum, but I think it is better to embrace differences than to white wash everyone as being the same...makes life more colorful!

If you are tired of certain topics then go ahead and take the lead and open up some new posts with what interests you....you may find more kindred spirit here than you think!

 

[FarmerChick]

Hi Angie

you do sound tired of it all. I hear ya! It is doom and gloom turning on the news, finances are hard on people now, election is a pain, etc. etc.

BUT---I know there will never be a perfect forum. There isn't rose colored forums out there that I have ever found.

I never found one to match MY needs perfect. There will always be diversity in threads. It is just the way and I know no one can change that.

We stick well to the SS subjects. We do trail off a little, but that is expected when dealing with people. I mean people in a general total term. People chat, people go off subject, people talk aboiut their lives, their experiences, etc. and sometimes it means taking a thread off topic a little. It is going to happen and I don't know how to tell you otherwise.

Best is don't read what you find bad. If you hit posts that go off topic and they effect you, just bypass. That is what I do. Shake my head, grunt a little, and move on...LOL-LOL----I have had to do that in every forum I was ever on.

BUT--this forum is so much nicer than the others I have visited. Yes it is small now and it will grow, but if the core of us beginner posts stays in a good SS types of topics, don't stray too far and use this forum as a sounding ground for every topic in the world that isn't SS related, then I think we can maintain a wonderful, knowledgeable site. We can only try!

So stay. You have posted before and got involved. Just jump in and chat about what you want to chat about.....we will jump in and chat back.

Your post was fine. You spoke your mind and was nice about the wording. I appreciate that from a poster.

I hope you find some peace from your burn out. I know....I have hit the burn out stage and it is hard to shake yourself out of it.....you will...hang in there and take care!


just rambling back to you!

 

[poppycat]

Hey farm mom,
I totally hear what you are saying. I was tweaked at that BYC thread too, for a number of different reasons. However I keep coming back here because I have learned so much about making the most of my resources. This forum has been a huge benefit to me.

Forums are funny though. They are like a party that EVERYONE is invited too and there is just no predicting who will show up, or how they behave, or what they will say in mixed company, or how they will respond when they don't agree with something YOU said and the list goes on.

I keep showing up because I do like some of the other people here. I suspect some of them don't care for me that much, and a few offend me at times for sure. I consider that to be the cost of admission. But the people and ideas I DO like make it worth it for me. When the cost outweighs the benefit, that's when I'll stop showing up.

I hope you stay, or at worst take a little break and come back after the election . Surely by then you'll have some new adventures in self sufficiency to share, and I for one would love to hear about them :coolsun

 

[patandchickens]

I'm somewhere in between, I guess.

I think that this forum is much more of an everybody-gets-along-one-big-happy-family if you happen to have certain viewpoints, beliefs, and particular conversational habits. I myself don't happen to have most of those viewpoints, beliefs, and conversational habits, so I usually feel like I am sort of drifting around the edge of a group where I don't really belong.

But you know what, I'm fine with that. It's just sort of how life is... people who are more alike in their worldview will get along more easily than people who have fundamental differences in experiences, attitudes or beliefs. There are other groups (online and IRL) in which I happen to be part of the majority and *others* are the floaters-around-the-edges, just because those groups happen to have different demographics than this one.

I don't really see anything wrong, or avoidable, about it. The only way I know of to avoid feeling like an outsider sometimes is to only ever hang out with people pretty similar to yourself, and what fun is that

"Should" and "shouldn't" don't really come into the equation. This is just the way this particular group of forums ARE. Apparently it's the way Rob wants it, so I'm not sure how productive it would be to wish things differently... and in any case there are a number of strong *advantages* to allowing the social component to flourish, despite the few obvious disadvantages.

FWIW, to me, "well, just don't read it" is NOT AT ALL another way of saying 'you don't fit in here'. Exactly the opposite, I think boils down to 'EVERYBODY is welcome here, and everybody is welcome to take or leave whichever parts they wish, instead of the forum having to conform to ONE particular person's view of how it should be.'

Because of course if things were policed to rigidly exclude anything remotely off-topic, then a lot of OTHER people would feel excluded instead ...

JM$0.02,

Pat

 

[poppycat]

I usually feel like I am sort of drifting around the edge of a group where I don't really belong.

You and me both. I wonder if maybe everyone feels like this to an extent?

Part of the reason for me is that I read something that I really disagree with and figure, I just don't want to wade in too deep, so I don't reply.

What I'm trying to say (rather ineffectively) is that more people might share your view points than you think


(edited for punctuation- these forums are making me a better speller if nothing else)