hennypenny9
Lovin' The Homestead
The American Farmer and Business Owner
A man owned a small farm in Alabama. The Alabama Wage and Hour Dept. claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them, demanded the agent.
Well, replied the rancher, Theres my ranch hand whos been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board. Then theres the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.
Thats the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit, says the agent.
That would be me, replied the farmer.
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A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu:
* Tourist: $5
* Broiled Missionary: $10
* Fried Explorer: $15
* Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, Why such a price difference for the politicians?
The cook replied, Have you ever tried to clean one? Theyre so full of crap, it takes all morning.
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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories.
Johnny, do you have a story to share?, the teacher asked.
Yes maam, Johnny replied. My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy.
She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldnt break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
Good heavens, cried the horrified teacher. What kind of moral did your daddy give you from this horrible story?
Stay the hell away from Aunt Nancy when shes drinking.
A man owned a small farm in Alabama. The Alabama Wage and Hour Dept. claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them, demanded the agent.
Well, replied the rancher, Theres my ranch hand whos been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board. Then theres the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.
Thats the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit, says the agent.
That would be me, replied the farmer.
************************************
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu:
* Tourist: $5
* Broiled Missionary: $10
* Fried Explorer: $15
* Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, Why such a price difference for the politicians?
The cook replied, Have you ever tried to clean one? Theyre so full of crap, it takes all morning.
**********************************************
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories.
Johnny, do you have a story to share?, the teacher asked.
Yes maam, Johnny replied. My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy.
She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldnt break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
Good heavens, cried the horrified teacher. What kind of moral did your daddy give you from this horrible story?
Stay the hell away from Aunt Nancy when shes drinking.
I have a sis named Nancy and she was in the army.....and it is definitely good advice to stay away from her when she's been drinking! 
