Kids or No Kids? How did you know?

[aggieterpkatie]

Just curious how you knew you wanted kids or knew you didn't want kid. I've got 2 stepkids and I'm not sure if I want my own biological child one day or not. Some days I think yes, some days I think heck no. I'm 30 now, so I've got time to make a decision, but it doesn't seem like an easy one to make.

 

[Dawn419]

I was a breech birth, both hips were dislocated and the doctors told my mom that they should just put me in the childrens hospital because I'd never walk.

The family pulled together and kept up with my physical therapy (after I got out of the cast from my arm pits down to my toe) and proved the doctors wrong.

Since knowing that I'd had hip problems from birth really helped in my decision not to have kids. Doc and I have thrown around the idea of adoption but we keep putting any serious discussion about it off for now.

We've got our hands full with our place right now and don't feel like having a child would be a good thing at this time.


Dawn

 

[Wannabefree]

With one step child grown and gone and the other giving me 20 levels of *ell... NO I do not see having "my own" anytime soon. I'm 34 and went through those same feelings of wanting a bio child. I now have a niece(7y.o.) that lives with me a lot of the time as well, and I can safely say IF I survive the ones I "have" I do NOT want more. They suck the life out of ya, and the good days are few and far between with the teenage years. Can ya tell mine is driving me crazy today?

 

[i_am2bz]

I've known that I didn't want my own kids since I was about 13-14 years old (I'm 51 now). My best friend at the time would talk about having 6 kids as soon as she was out of high school, & she may as well have said she wanted to grow a 2nd head. I completely did NOT get it.

I have 2 nieces thru my sister, & 2 nephews thru my BIL/SIL down the street, & that's fine for me, kid-wise.

DH has 2 kids in another state...they came to stay with us one summer & I almost had a nervous breakdown. :/

I have NEVER had second thoughts about my decision.

 

[aggieterpkatie]

With one step child grown and gone and the other giving me 20 levels of *ell... NO I do not see having "my own" anytime soon. I'm 34 and went through those same feelings of wanting a bio child. I now have a niece(7y.o.) that lives with me a lot of the time as well, and I can safely say IF I survive the ones I "have" I do NOT want more. They suck the life out of ya, and the good days are few and far between with the teenage years. Can ya tell mine is driving me crazy today?

I can really identify with your feelings! Stepkids are SO challenging sometimes, and it's not even their fault with some things (like dealing with their mother, split schedules, etc). Some days though I think it would be nice to be "Mom" and to know what it's like to have my own child, to look at an infant and feel all those feelings.

I just don't know. I'm busy with my animals and there's no way I would give up having animals but babies take a LOT of time. Heck, kids do too! I just dont' want to regret not having kids one day.

 

[Henrietta23]

Interesting one for me to answer. I don't like babies but I just always assumed I'd have a couple of kids. Got married at 26. It didn't happen..... went for "assistance" and it didn't happen. Tried off and on with a fertility clinic for a number of years but after a scare with a tubal pregnancy that resolved on its own decided that just wasn't meant to be. So I knew from that point there weren't going to be any biological children. So the question for me became how did I know I wanted to adopt. And I don't have answer really. One day a friend asked if we were considering it. I had thought about it but not seriously. Every time I brought up the subject with DH he started talking about trying the fertility treatment route again. It was a few years before I sat at the computer and started researching and then sharing with him. One day we were just ready to get serious!

 

[Wannabefree]

With one step child grown and gone and the other giving me 20 levels of *ell... NO I do not see having "my own" anytime soon. I'm 34 and went through those same feelings of wanting a bio child. I now have a niece(7y.o.) that lives with me a lot of the time as well, and I can safely say IF I survive the ones I "have" I do NOT want more. They suck the life out of ya, and the good days are few and far between with the teenage years. Can ya tell mine is driving me crazy today?

I can really identify with your feelings! Stepkids are SO challenging sometimes, and it's not even their fault with some things (like dealing with their mother, split schedules, etc). Some days though I think it would be nice to be "Mom" and to know what it's like to have my own child, to look at an infant and feel all those feelings.

I just don't know. I'm busy with my animals and there's no way I would give up having animals but babies take a LOT of time. Heck, kids do too! I just dont' want to regret not having kids one day.

My niece calls me mom sometimes. It's cute. That's about it, cute. She IS my blood, and I am happy to send her home to my mother when she is not cute I know how you feel about the infant stage, so from time to time, I borrow one for a little while, take a deep sniff of that sweet new baby smell, make a few goo goo faces, maybe even change a diaper, or keep them for a whole day, and then move on I LOVE kids, love them love them love them, but when it comes down to cost, and the ones you can't send away...I don't "want" them anymore. They are self centered, demanding, NEEDY little people. I honestly don't have time to play mind games with them all the time and give twenty reasons for the question "Why not?" I can't wait till this last one is OUT of MY house

 

[savingdogs]

I have three children myself, but I think that no one should feel pressured to have kids. It isn't like there are not enough people in the world, an children do NOT necessarily make you feel "fulfilled", while they can be your biggest achievement, that doesn't mean it is necessarily the most fun, and they can also be your biggest source of angst. There are ages and stages that are precious and special, and I would not trade my kids for the world, but I have to admit my life would probably have been a lot easier if I had stopped at one child.

Not everyone is particularly suited to have children or suited to be around them all their stages of their life, my Hubby included, and lately, with my health issues, me as well. It isn't necessarily "natural" to be a parent and you spend your whole life practicing and never really get it right. I think now that our youngest is going to be 18 in three years, we are finally figuring it out, but we've been parents for 29 years now, and mostly we have learned from the mistakes.

But when I look back over my life and think about things I could have improved upon, having three children really did not "fit" with the events that came later very well.

So I guess I'm saying if having kids has not "fit" into the picture yet, perhaps it just isn't your picture.

 

[JRmom]

I was VERY young when I married my first husband, 19 years old, and I had my daughter 11 months later.... I knew during my pregnancy that I didn't want another. I had horrible morning (well, all-day really) sickness for 8 months. I was not going through that again!

I did go through a period when I re-married and my daughter was about 4 years old thinking I wanted to have another baby. But I was already a weekend step-mom to my husband's two boys and we really couldn't afford another kid at the time. Not to mention hubby wasn't on board with having another child.

Anyway, those "maternal want a baby now" feelings passed in a few months and I have no regrets whatsoever now about having only one child.

ETA: Totally agree with SD's above post!

 

[hillfarm]

If I could do it over....

I'd of waited and really thought about it. I was a teen pregnant so I really didnt make the choice, I just was a mom.

But I wish i could of made the decision. I honestly might of decided against it.

Raising kids means giving up any financial comfort zone, imo. :You are never a priority, kids come first. I'm not complaining I am just speaking as to the way I see it. Kids should come first, but you should be very aware of it.

You will lose you figure, even if you lose all the weight, you will stretch and pull, your butt will sag more, as will the boobs. Stretch marks, loose skin, thicker middle. You just never seem to feel or look the same. Milk sprayed out like a sprinkler from my boobs if anyones' baby cried.

You have to buy a home to meet their needs. Car too. Furniture and decor has to be kid friendly. Nothing stylish or exspensive. Cant go anywhere or do anything spontaneously.
Sex is less, and quieter. LOL.
You never know if they will grow up to be everything you dreamed or more likely they will be a lot like you and drive you bat crap crazy. Breaking your heart more than any relationship ever could.

OH and teens. shivvvverrr.


GOOD points.....
you will love the lil person unlike anything you have ever known.
You will have more happiness than you can every imagine.
They are a part of you and they are your family. A part of your genetics live on. Kids are a bit of immortality.