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- #981
Laugh(s) for the day
- Thread starter sumi
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CommunityAllotment
Lovin' The Homestead
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Hinotori
Sustainability Master
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- Thread starter
- #984
- Thread starter
- #985
CommunityAllotment
Lovin' The Homestead
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- Jul 3, 2017
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- 29
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baymule
Sustainability Master
ADVICE TO ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can!
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for!
4. Don't be surpried to find movie rentals and ammunition and bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "Y'all" is plural. And "all yall's" is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember...many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey y'all! Watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will say.
9. Get used to the phrase, "It's not the heat; it's the humidity." And the collateral phrase, "You call this hot? Wait til August!"
10. Chili does NOT have beans in it!
11. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven
12. Don't tell us how you did it up there...nobody cares!
13. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down in December.
14. We do TOO have 4 seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
15. If someone tells you, "Don't worry...those peppers aren't hot," you can be certain they are!
16. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol...a Ford F-150 is.
17. If you fail to heed the warning in #15 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it!
18. If someone says they're "fixin' to do something," that doesn't mean anything's broken.
19. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availabilty of shade.
20. If you are a slower movng vehicle on a two-lane road, pull onto the shoulder. That is called courtesy.
22. BBQ is a food group...it does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
23. Tea = iced tea. There is no other kind.
24. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing!
25. And last but not least..."yonder" can mean anywhere..."over yonder...down yonder...up yonder..."!
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can!
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for!
4. Don't be surpried to find movie rentals and ammunition and bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "Y'all" is plural. And "all yall's" is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember...many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey y'all! Watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will say.
9. Get used to the phrase, "It's not the heat; it's the humidity." And the collateral phrase, "You call this hot? Wait til August!"
10. Chili does NOT have beans in it!
11. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven
12. Don't tell us how you did it up there...nobody cares!
13. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down in December.
14. We do TOO have 4 seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
15. If someone tells you, "Don't worry...those peppers aren't hot," you can be certain they are!
16. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol...a Ford F-150 is.
17. If you fail to heed the warning in #15 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it!
18. If someone says they're "fixin' to do something," that doesn't mean anything's broken.
19. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availabilty of shade.
20. If you are a slower movng vehicle on a two-lane road, pull onto the shoulder. That is called courtesy.
22. BBQ is a food group...it does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
23. Tea = iced tea. There is no other kind.
24. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing!
25. And last but not least..."yonder" can mean anywhere..."over yonder...down yonder...up yonder..."!
- Thread starter
- #988
sumi
Rest in Peace 1980-2020
baymule, thanks for this and the giggle! I've actually been working on a piece for my website about understanding the Irish and their wonderful way of throwing words around. I'm thinking a list like the above would work well for what I'm doing there 
- Thread starter
- #989
- Thread starter
- #990
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