Marriage questions

[gettinaclue]

I hope everything works out for you.

 

[hillfarm]

He faced alot. Im proud of him. He just needs to follow threw. We shall see.

I also need to focus on me. Im so used to waiting for the shoe to drop that I tend to micro manage the crap out of everything.

I want to heal and take care of everyone, and neglect me. When I was single I was very happy. and healthy. but I had so much time to focus on me.

Kids are getting older, and I need to get back to that.

Thanks again.

 

[AnnaRaven]

I'm proud of you. Remember that you need to take care of yourself. You deserve it, and you can't really care for others well if you're neglecting yourself.

 

[Wifezilla]

he is willing to recognize them and work on them, even if I have to smack him in the head sometimes to realize.

OK, it's official. Your husband is a male...just in case there was any doubt

 

[Beekissed]

If this one fails, well maybe I should ask whats wrong with me.

I think an earlier post hit the nail on the head....it's not necessarily what is wrong with you, but with the mates you choose. You are probably a nurturer and want to heal and fix broken things. The fact that this man was single for 36 years is indicative of at least one thing...he cannot live compatibly with a woman but still likes to use them for the obvious reasons~sex, control, comfort.

I think you know what is going on, what to do, where it will all end.....my heart goes out to you. You sound tougher than you think, though, so I think you will weather this fine. It does hurt. It hurts to love someone so much that you think it's enough for both of you...and then wake up one morning to find that you cannot love someone into loving you back. It hurts worse when the kids love them too.

I made a decision years ago that I am unable to choose a proper mate because of that tendecy to gravitate towards fixer-uppers, so I just stopped. Yes, I deserve love and companionship, but I'll be darned if I have ever found it from the opposite sex and the decision to just stop expecting it took a load off my shoulders and my heart. Now I just live, love, laugh and know that I am enough without someone telling me so.

Stay strong, live happy!

 

[colowyo0809]

 

[rathbone]

I don't really know you but I know this advice fits every person: point 1: Every person deserves to be treated with respect and kindness. point 2: People will only treat you as well as you insist they treat you.
I really truly hope things work out for you...whether that means staying in the relationship or moving on. Only you know what will be a sound decision for you and your children.

 

[RobinsValleyVT]

well, we had a long, crying talk. He admits he is an alcoholic. Has asked me to help him find a meeting, he will go.
He also apologized a lot. He also made me realize I wasn't giving him much wiggle room and made him feel like he wasnt doing a good job with the kids.
I agree. I tended to over babysit him. He also wants therapy, he thinks he's depressed. i think he may be too.

We had alot of honest convo.

I also decided to concentrate on my career, and my self. I'm going to start running each morning, like I used to. Not for him but for my own self esteem.
Hubby also admitted to feeling fat and unattractive himself.

I appreciate everyone's input. Its good to have different viewpoints. I hope we are on a healing track. I feel much better today then I did before.

He is a good man, he's got problems like we all do. But he is willing to recognize them and work on them, even if I have to smack him in the head sometimes to realize.

I am holding out hope, now the rest is up to him. He also understands that i am too damn old to raise another husband. LOL.

That's a good first step, communication is key with any relationship.

My father is a recovering alcoholic, he drank when I was very young, quit for 12 years, drank for 6 years, now he's been sober for 5 years again. He would get angry and sloppy, but never violent. We have a very strong relationship today and he is a wonderful person. He went to AA meetings for at least a year after the most recent drinking period.

It's a constant battle, there are good days and bad days- be ready for the bad days and celebrate the good ones. Counseling would be a very good idea for him, and for you as well.

But again, communication is KEY! If you feel he is slipping back into the same destructive behaviors you should talk to him, ignoring it does nothing to help either of you. I find with my husband a lot of times if I start a serious conversation with "I feel like" instead of "You should" or "You need to" it gets a better reception. I too tend to be a bit neurotic and over controlling sometimes, making sure everyone has everything just as I think they need it and sometimes my husband needs to tell me to just relax and calm down.

No good relationship is without hard work and conflict; but you should never be in fear of physical harm, that is a line you should always hold firm to.

Best of luck to you!