now what? :(

[MsPony]

I had previously posted a thread about my barn situation, I can't post the link because I'm on my BB. I found a wonderful barn, move in is Oct 1st! I sent my current BO my notice of leave email today, which I will post...this is wHat I said:

"Also, because of time and stuff right now, I decided it would be fair for Swinger to be out in a huge pasture with other ponies. So on October 1st he will be moving until I have more time."

I am trying to keep it very civil, nice and friendly. I DO want to continue being friends, as when its "good", its an awesome relationship. However, she sent back an email that said time is what I make of it, the girls would love to ride him more and we should talk this weekend.

Now I don't know what to say, I know the girls (high school age, fairly good riders, I've taught them lessons and they do well) would love to half lease him or something...but there are too many things, like *I* want to ride him more, but were both bored to tears there. He needs a pasture, I also need full time care, which she can't provide.
So now what do I say? I'm a huge pushover, so I'm getting nervous. Boo, I hate this

 

[tortoise]

I don't really "get" the whole situation. BUT. Don't be a pushover! Stand up for you and yours!

 

[MsPony]

Thanks Tortoise Its a big weakness of mine and something one of my managers has been working hard on me with. However its easier to have an angry customer

 

[justusnak]

Makeing sure the other barn is availiable is a necessity...then, when you go over this weekend...just tell her....with your current work situation, you feel he needs a full care barn, and a large pasture since you can not get out there to ride alot. He needs way more excersize...and you think the other barn with a big pasture will do him good. Also, let her know, ( if its ok with you) that the girls would be allowed to go over there and ride.

 

[patandchickens]

Your problem is that you gave a REASON ("time"). That is just beggin' for argument and debate and attempts at problem-solving by the barn owner, and potential future hard feelings when you do not accept the barn owners' solutions to your apparent problem.

If you do not want to argue about it, just want to move, I would suggest that whenever the subject comes up, 'you simply say "I've really enjoyed boarding here but I will be moving October 1st, <big friendly harmless smile>" as if it is no big deal to you... as if the question was 'what's your favorite color' or something else that does not really have any potential for deeper conversational exploration.

If pressed real hard for reasons, or if reasons are theorized accusingly at you, I would suggest just shrugging ditzily and saying "I don't know, it's just what I want to do right now" and laughing and changing the subject as if it is no big deal to you.

"As if it is no big deal to you" is really important. Be happy and inscrutable, is IME the best way to exit without problems

(Unless of course you really DO want to stay at your current barn and have the horse in a larger paddock and have the owner's girls ride it for you, which is fine too of course)

JME, good luck, have fun,

Pat

 

[Dace]

I agree with Pat....when ever my teens are having trouble saying no to a friend, I always advise them NOT to give a reason...just a simple " I am not able to do that" or " I can't"

There is nothing wrong with you chosing to move your animal! It does not have to be a negative. you should spell out the postives for you and your horse....nice big pasture and great trails.

Also helpful is to end on a positive. It sounds like there is the potential that your friend will be offended. When someone is offended it is usually due to self protection.....thinking/assuming that you are angry/don't like them or the way they are treating your animal/don't want her DDs to ride him...etc. The mind can go crazy with assumptions and she probably has hers.

To counter that and leave things on a positive, be sure to let her know how great it has been to have him there and what a great job she did caring for him/accomodating you and him etc, that her girls will really love riding him in the new location, great trails whatever...that lets her know that you are not pulling him because you are mad or unhapy, and they her girls are still welcome to be involved.

I think a simple honest conversation, with a careful choice of words, will go a long way.

Good luck!

 

[FarmerChick]

yea you gave an excuse that she is trying to counter act on now

you don't need any excuse

simply say no thanks to the situation she suggested and say you are moving on Oct 1 and thank you so much for the past experience at her barn

done and over lol

 

[MsPony]

*sigh* so I went to go talk to her, whivh face to face is already hard for me and she's a dominant type of person. Her husband was there and she kept talking over me. So my fiance called her the next day, she sent me a text that night. It was NOT good.

So today we were supposed to meet at the barn to talk, I had been down with another boarder (our dogs were playing) and she comes down, grabs me around the shoulder and asks the other lady if she's a bad horse owner and that my fiance said this and that. So of course the lady who has one side and been at the barn for 20 years starts laying into me. Ugh. The after we all talk about other stuff she starts ranting about my fiance and I just stood petting one of the horses nodding my head but not really listening.

End result Swinger isn't mine apparently, I was in such a vulnerable place when she "gave" him to me, I trusted her. So he is staying, going in a smaller pasture right now then being moved to a bigger one.

I'm upset; that she has to be ommature, that I trusted her and have paid THOUSANDS upon thousans of dollars on a horse that's not mine. I feel like the biggest dumb*** on the planet.

 

[big brown horse]

I don't know the whole story, but do you have anything in writing?

I am so sorry!

 

[tortoise]

Wait. You've been paying her to board HER horse?

Sounds like there's enough money involved to take her to court.

You should be able to either get your money back or get the horse!