lorihadams
Always doing laundry
Congrats darlin'! Glad to hear things worked out for you, I know that is a load off of your mind....waiting to hear if you got a job is the worst! 
Quail_Antwerp: Words from the Barnyard...
- Thread starter Quail_Antwerp
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- #972
Quail_Antwerp
Cold is on the Right, Hot is on The Left
I've had 5 extra people in my home for 12 days........I'm so ready to be done!
SIL~not that bad
Nephew and his daughter~not that bad
Niece, well OK and her boyfriend?????????
NOT a help at all! More like a hindrance. They (all but SIL and 3 year old) sit in the bedroom nearly all day long watching tv or playing video games, etc. Drinking pop, eating junk food, and being a nusiance in general.
Two days ago I called them all out to the front room for a talk. I stayed calm. I wasn't rude, but my niece was rude towards me (ok well they didn't tell me her BF had JUST proposed to her, as they don't talk to us or tell us anything!) So I just told them that I was frustrated with how things were, that I wanted to know what plans they had (Nephew has at this point already lined up a job and told DH and me his plans) and that as of May 1 I expect them to each pay me $100 a month rent. I told them that I was upset that they don't offer to help with the meals, or dishes, or haul water, or with the farm fence. We have told them on several occassions what things need done, etc. I just assumed (yes I know what that makes me) that being adults, they would be considerate enough to offer to help, or just help.
SIL and nephew are ALWAYS helping out, no questions asked.
Niece snaps at me and I held my tongue. Her BF chimes in with, "When I was a kid at home, if help was needed we were asked to help." I fairly bit his head off as I said, "You're not a kid at home, and we shouldn't have to ask adults to lend a hand!"
Still, managed to keep my cool and not be too snappy. Niece wouldn't talk to me just sat there and cried.
Next morning they were in better moods, niece apologised to me for her behavior and hugged me. She helped me fix breakfast and dinner (all in the same day!) and mid-day she and her BF went to get water and did the dishes that night. Next day niece helped with meals again, and today she helped with one meal, but that's about it.
They did take my "you need to help out" to the opposite extreme and are now up my backside every time I turn around!!!!!! I only wanted help with the household stuff, like meals, and dishes, and help with getting the pasture fencing done....but now they seem to think helping means feeding and watering my chicks for me, something I enjoy doing and am particular about. They did it without asking, or being asked two, twice, and both times I had a dead turkey and chick.
I've now said that my poultry are off limits. I'm hoping that's good enough.
DH and I started building a small A-Frame chicken tractor out of pallets. I was breaking down the pallets. DH and I enjoy doing these little projects together. Apparantly now these little projects need their "help", too, and it came in the form of 300 pound nieces boyfriend jerking on my pallets as I was trying to break them down and cracking several of the pieces. I was so mad. I held my anger in check and found some excuse to get him to leave the pallets alone.
Today he came out and was watching DH and me working on the A-Frame. Every few seconds, he would say, "It's nearly 11:30" and I took it as a hint that he was getting hungry. See, I didn't fix them breakfast this morning. I fed the kids and DH and myself, and we went outside. Way I see it, they have two hands. He kept repeating the time, though, so I finally went in the house and made eggs and pancakes for lunch. After they were fed, they flew to their bedrooms where they all went to bed and slept the afternoon away!!!!!
Dinner time came. I tossed German Bologna and a loaf of bread on the table and told them that's dinner. Then I snatched my phoneline out of my phone, ran it to my bedroom, and plugged into my pc here so I could sneak some online time. I've barely been on the last two weeks!! The only complaint I really have on my nephew is that he gets online with his laptop and we only have one phone cord. I told him he can't be online until after 9 pm. He listens to that, but he stays online until 4 am!!!!!!!!
Sorry for venting. I'm supposed to go out now and watch a movie with DH and his sis and nephew...they rented one for us to watch. Really I don't want to, I just want to stay holed up in my room online for a bit. How selfish would I be if I did that????
Tomorrow we are going to the auction barn. I told them if they aren't going, then they are watching the kids. I will say, I've taken great advantage of them as far as babysitting goes. Since it's like pulling teeth to get them to help around the house, I just tell them, "You've gotta watch the kids so we can go do this." I am hoping it gets old after awhile, and they'll get the ambition to move on!
SIL~not that bad
Nephew and his daughter~not that bad
Niece, well OK and her boyfriend?????????
NOT a help at all! More like a hindrance. They (all but SIL and 3 year old) sit in the bedroom nearly all day long watching tv or playing video games, etc. Drinking pop, eating junk food, and being a nusiance in general.
Two days ago I called them all out to the front room for a talk. I stayed calm. I wasn't rude, but my niece was rude towards me (ok well they didn't tell me her BF had JUST proposed to her, as they don't talk to us or tell us anything!) So I just told them that I was frustrated with how things were, that I wanted to know what plans they had (Nephew has at this point already lined up a job and told DH and me his plans) and that as of May 1 I expect them to each pay me $100 a month rent. I told them that I was upset that they don't offer to help with the meals, or dishes, or haul water, or with the farm fence. We have told them on several occassions what things need done, etc. I just assumed (yes I know what that makes me) that being adults, they would be considerate enough to offer to help, or just help.
SIL and nephew are ALWAYS helping out, no questions asked.
Niece snaps at me and I held my tongue. Her BF chimes in with, "When I was a kid at home, if help was needed we were asked to help." I fairly bit his head off as I said, "You're not a kid at home, and we shouldn't have to ask adults to lend a hand!"
Still, managed to keep my cool and not be too snappy. Niece wouldn't talk to me just sat there and cried.Next morning they were in better moods, niece apologised to me for her behavior and hugged me. She helped me fix breakfast and dinner (all in the same day!) and mid-day she and her BF went to get water and did the dishes that night. Next day niece helped with meals again, and today she helped with one meal, but that's about it.
They did take my "you need to help out" to the opposite extreme and are now up my backside every time I turn around!!!!!! I only wanted help with the household stuff, like meals, and dishes, and help with getting the pasture fencing done....but now they seem to think helping means feeding and watering my chicks for me, something I enjoy doing and am particular about. They did it without asking, or being asked two, twice, and both times I had a dead turkey and chick.
I've now said that my poultry are off limits. I'm hoping that's good enough.DH and I started building a small A-Frame chicken tractor out of pallets. I was breaking down the pallets. DH and I enjoy doing these little projects together. Apparantly now these little projects need their "help", too, and it came in the form of 300 pound nieces boyfriend jerking on my pallets as I was trying to break them down and cracking several of the pieces. I was so mad. I held my anger in check and found some excuse to get him to leave the pallets alone.
Today he came out and was watching DH and me working on the A-Frame. Every few seconds, he would say, "It's nearly 11:30" and I took it as a hint that he was getting hungry. See, I didn't fix them breakfast this morning. I fed the kids and DH and myself, and we went outside. Way I see it, they have two hands. He kept repeating the time, though, so I finally went in the house and made eggs and pancakes for lunch. After they were fed, they flew to their bedrooms where they all went to bed and slept the afternoon away!!!!!
Dinner time came. I tossed German Bologna and a loaf of bread on the table and told them that's dinner. Then I snatched my phoneline out of my phone, ran it to my bedroom, and plugged into my pc here so I could sneak some online time. I've barely been on the last two weeks!! The only complaint I really have on my nephew is that he gets online with his laptop and we only have one phone cord. I told him he can't be online until after 9 pm. He listens to that, but he stays online until 4 am!!!!!!!!
Sorry for venting. I'm supposed to go out now and watch a movie with DH and his sis and nephew...they rented one for us to watch. Really I don't want to, I just want to stay holed up in my room online for a bit. How selfish would I be if I did that????
Tomorrow we are going to the auction barn. I told them if they aren't going, then they are watching the kids. I will say, I've taken great advantage of them as far as babysitting goes. Since it's like pulling teeth to get them to help around the house, I just tell them, "You've gotta watch the kids so we can go do this." I am hoping it gets old after awhile, and they'll get the ambition to move on!
freemotion
Food Guru
Sounds like you need Bee to come and crack the whip over them! Personally, I would be done feeding them....after the first three days. You don't work, you don't eat. Biblical principle. Also, you don't contribute with cash, you'd better really step it up in the heavy chore department. It costs a bundle to just heat the hot water for all those people, never mind the food bill!!!
I am outraged in your behalf, Aly!
I am outraged in your behalf, Aly!- Thread starter
- #974
Quail_Antwerp
Cold is on the Right, Hot is on The Left
Yea I was thinking of the Scriptures today that says if a man doesn't work neither let him eat. I can't remember where it is, but I'm really planning on printing it out and hanging it up as a framed print in my house. Think they will notice?
DH keeps coming in and asking me to come out so we can watch this movie. I just don't wanna.
Sure would be nice to have Bee here LOLOLOL
DH did tell our niece that it was better that I had addressed the issues, because if it had been him she snapped at, he told her he would have smacked her mouth for being disrespectful! Adult or not!
DH keeps coming in and asking me to come out so we can watch this movie. I just don't wanna.
Sure would be nice to have Bee here LOLOLOL
DH did tell our niece that it was better that I had addressed the issues, because if it had been him she snapped at, he told her he would have smacked her mouth for being disrespectful! Adult or not!
Blackbird
Goat Whisperer
I didn't read all 90 some pages, but why are they staying with you?
I would tell them its not a vacation and they need to work! I would definitely be writing some rules and putting them on the fridge.. like meals are at a certain time, etc. Maybe certain jobs for each person.. and then 'train' them in to do the job proper.. idk. I would not be able to be in your position though, I'd be so unbearable on purpose that everyone would leave or I'd sleep outside. LOL
I hate when other people feed my animals too, I'm too particular about it, and when it comes to my older brother I basically have to stand there and give step by step instructions to even get it done on the rare occasion that I want help.
I would tell them its not a vacation and they need to work! I would definitely be writing some rules and putting them on the fridge.. like meals are at a certain time, etc. Maybe certain jobs for each person.. and then 'train' them in to do the job proper.. idk. I would not be able to be in your position though, I'd be so unbearable on purpose that everyone would leave or I'd sleep outside. LOL
I hate when other people feed my animals too, I'm too particular about it, and when it comes to my older brother I basically have to stand there and give step by step instructions to even get it done on the rare occasion that I want help.
freemotion
Food Guru
Well, hints just don't work, that they have proven! I would put the scripture at the top of the page, and underneath it, a list of chores for the day. Put names next to each chore. That way they can't chose the chores they would like to do. Who wouldn't prefer to feed chicks over hauling water? Especially lazy lumps!
I'd make a very detailed list, with times on it, too. The worst offenders get the worst chores!
If they don't like it, they can get jobs and apartments and lay in bed all day and live in filth and go hungry because they are too lazy to make a sandwich!
Also, the good ones won't have to do the work of the sleepers!
Just an idea that amuses me......
I'd make a very detailed list, with times on it, too. The worst offenders get the worst chores!
If they don't like it, they can get jobs and apartments and lay in bed all day and live in filth and go hungry because they are too lazy to make a sandwich!
Also, the good ones won't have to do the work of the sleepers!
Just an idea that amuses me......
keljonma
Epicurean Goddess
My advice would be to sit them down and explain the situation. If they want to act like children, you'll just have to treat them as such.
1 You are doing them a favor by letting them live there - you don't have to do this - so they can leave now if they don't like your rules.
2 Everybody will have assigned tasks and they each must do their own tasks if they want to eat.
3. Give them a schedule for recreation (we only watch tv between 6 - 8 and after that, tv is off for the night).
4. Make up a chore list - they can get a treat (we used to give the kids half a frozen chocolate covered banana) after all their daily chores are done. Get or make pretty stars so all the kids can see what good jobs they are doing.
Okay I'm being just a bit sarcastic here, QA... but I'm sitting here and I want to tell them to get their heads out of their hineys!
to you and dh for being the kind-hearted people you are.
p.s. I hope you feel better (cold or whatever). Thanks for letting me rant on your behalf!
1 You are doing them a favor by letting them live there - you don't have to do this - so they can leave now if they don't like your rules.
2 Everybody will have assigned tasks and they each must do their own tasks if they want to eat.
3. Give them a schedule for recreation (we only watch tv between 6 - 8 and after that, tv is off for the night).
4. Make up a chore list - they can get a treat (we used to give the kids half a frozen chocolate covered banana) after all their daily chores are done. Get or make pretty stars so all the kids can see what good jobs they are doing.
Okay I'm being just a bit sarcastic here, QA... but I'm sitting here and I want to tell them to get their heads out of their hineys!
to you and dh for being the kind-hearted people you are.p.s. I hope you feel better (cold or whatever). Thanks for letting me rant on your behalf!
Beekissed
Mountain Sage
I was thinking the same thing!
I know hindsight is 20/20, but its always nice to establish ground rules the first day that someone, who is not immediate family, comes to visit or live. Well....for immediate family too, I guess! Like my oldest son..... Aly, the nephew is running up your electric bill by being on the pc all night and the rest of them parked in front of the TV all day are doing the same! Maybe lights out at 10 pm rule and no TV before 7 o'clock in the evenings? This gives them 3 hours of "me" time with their TV and nephew can do all he needs to do in one hour on the PC~one thing should be job hunting.
Job jars are great. Draw out a job and its yours for a week. Each Sunday do the jar again. That way you only have to discuss job assignments once a week (except for reinforcing the tasks) and its luck of the draw. No discussion. Also this means they are not doing jobs you don't want them to do...like the chicks and such.
And the boyfriend? What's up with that??? Was he a package deal? That thing would be out the door, visiting hours are between 6 pm and 7 pm and no other times. If you eat here, you bring it with you. I didn't get to read about the family matrix...did the BF move here with them? I'm sure he has parents. Let him go be a food-sucking leach at their home.
Woman, I don't know how you have held your temper but you are a better lady than I! They would live with me one day...... and then be calling up the Salvation Army and inquiring about lodging!
I feel for you, I really do. Its one thing to open your home and hearts for family, and taking care of your own. Its quite another to be a hotel, maid service, cook and caretaker for a bunch of adults who feel entitled to take and take. These folks are taking your private time away from your kids and husband, taking advantage of your hospitality and good will and don't seem too ashamed to talk back to you in your own home.
If I were in their place~and have been when I've moved home to live with parents after my divorce~I would be walking small, making myself into the perfect houseguest, contributing all I could, cleaning up after myself and my kids, and getting myself in a position to get my own place as soon as possible~and then move out!
I know you say that the SIL is okay, but she is the head of this family and it sounds like she has little control over them. If not, you would never be having these issues. I'd have a serious talk with this gal and describing how you like your home to be....and then let her figure out how to fit her family into that picture.
Sorry......
I don't mean to sound like I'm telling you what to do, Aly, but I just get mad FOR you! I want to come up there and bring the bull whip with me and tell these people how lucky they are to have such good people to take them in. And then I want to make them want to find a home somewhere far, far away! 
My favorite line when I get flak about rules? "There's the door....don't let the screen door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!"
miss_thenorth
Frugal Homesteader
Quail--I have a 4000 sq ft home, and I would still be going crazy if I had 5 extra ppl for 12 days. You have a big heart! Put 'em to work girl!!!!!! This should be a great time to get all the things done that need to be done. When my kids have friends over here, and our rule here is you play here, you eat here, your'e gonna work here too. Don't like it? don't come! My dd just had a friend here for the weekend. She had to help dd clean the barn, clean the shop, work the horses, and stack a new load of hay that we just got. I asked the friend after she had been helping with the hay if she still wanted to live on a farm, and she said --well YEAH!!!!! She didn't mind the work. How long are they gonna be there for?
Put the chore list on the fridge!!!!!!
Put the chore list on the fridge!!!!!!
