Quail_Antwerp: Words from the Barnyard...

[MsPony]

I have to add in, I was hurt in more ways then one, or even two, when I was a child. When my little brother was born (I have much older siblings who weren't in the picture until recently) I was VERY over protective with him, very hawkish. Still am, I'm 21 and he's going on 16.

I know your DD, and even brothers, will protect this child like their own

 

[keljonma]

But onto better things - I AM SO OVER CHICKENS!! Did I say that loud enough?

That just seems strange to hear you say....Quail_Antwerp. Very strange. Especially with our history of chickening.


TR really was WILLING to help you out by taking a few birds off your hands Saturday!!

Of course, I think he was just eyeing up Jett and the Royal Palm poults!


TR and I had a great time visiting with you and your family. Your mom and I had a great time talking homeschooling and bees. TR had fun sitting on the back deck telling the kids his "when I was a child" farm stories. I think he was also sharing his lunch with the hens that were hanging around.

TR really enjoyed being surrounded by the animals in the farm yard. This is the first time in over 30 years that we haven't any animals, so it was like a slice of heaven for him. Thanks!

E gave a great farm tour of the vegetation growing, especially the asparagus, strawberries and peach trees.

Thanks for sharing the pictures, they were great.

C is glad you like the white muscovies and hopes you get to enjoy them. I think she said she still has 20 pair on her farm, as they are her favorite birds.


Are you getting this crappy cold weather? We hit the 30s last night....and the rain and wind have been chilling to the bone. I was really hoping we were done with this kind of weather until late autumn.


edited for typos...

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Of course, I think he was just eyeing up Jett and the Royal Palm poults!

I have some of Jett's babies incubating right now. If he REALLY wants a pair of Sumatras, I can hook him up later - but he doesn't get Jett OR Gypsy! But, I can part with a couple of their babies. It is really possible that Jett and Gypsy may become the only chickens here. We were talking today that we could eat turkey eggs and NOT have chickens!

As for Turkeys, sorry TR, you'll have to wait until next spring for those! LOL

We were happy to see you, too, and E has already went to TSC and spent his gift card LOL He was so excited over that!

He still has a Lowe's card and a subway card (I'm really trying to convince him to share the latter!)

I may need you to ask Chris if she'd be willing to part with another pair of 'scovies

Keeping them penned was a good idea, but the girl laid and egg and after E collected it - she flew out of the pen and then OUT OF OUR YARD!!! We've been looking all over for her. That was yesterday. Today, I haven't found the male although he was here this morning and loves treats.

I've never had muscovies take off like that before. E said I should have clipped their wings I guess.

And yes we are getting this crappy weather.

At least I got one egg out of them. It's going in the 'bator for sure!

 

[FarmerDenise]

I haven't been keeping up with all the forum stuff lately, but just have to jump in here....

All of your children will be safer now that your eyes are wide open. Talk with them all regularly....even the boys....about how to react if someone makes them uncomfortable in any way. Talk about inappropriate secrets. Talk about the lies predators tell and the ways they get children to keep secrets.

And most of all, trust your instincts and keep your kids close, and teach the older ones to keep an eye on the younger ones and on each other. Don't let anyone be alone with one of your kids.....for example, if one gets a babysitting job, you drive them to and from, or insist that the wife ONLY drive them to and from.

Don't force your kids to have physical contact with anyone. I have had many parents tell their kids to give me a hug. No. I don't allow it unless the child shows a lot of enthusiasm for me and wants to hug me....if there is the slightest bit of reluctance, I quickly stick out my hand and say, "How about a handshake?" The kids love that. The parents get a tactful explanation right then if possible (the kids need to hear it, too) or later if for some reason it is inappropriate at that moment. Children need to know that they do not have to have ANY physical contact with anyone if they are not comfortable with it, and that they can say no to any adult about this. As you know, most predators are someone the child/parents know well. Or think they do.

You are doing a great job and your daughter will grow up to be strong and secure and well-adjusted, since you talk about it and took action. You cannot prevent everything, but you sure can create a healing environment. She will grow up to be twice as strong and no one will touch any children on her watch! She will be a champion. Thanks to you.

My DD grew up without being "hurt" as a child. In her teens a group of boys did try to kidnap her and she had the good sense to fight, kick, spit, scratch and scream, that they threw her out of the car.
Basically we did what Free suggested, when we were raising her. We never made her hug or kiss anyone, when she didn't want to. As a matter of fact, we never even suggested it. When people requested it, we said "she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. It is her body and she gets to decide". We tought her to pay attention to her oh, oh feelings and also told her to drop whatever she is carrying and run, scream, fight etc.

I protected my younger siblings all the time. It was one thing for me to fight with them and tease them, but no-one else better try. I also protected them from questionable adults, even when our parents didn't "hear" what I was saying about said adults.

Yet I worry about my grandson.....but I also know I will teach him to look out for himself and we will all keep a close eye on him.

It is so exciting that you are having another girl!!! I love having a sister.

 

[keljonma]

I have some of Jett's babies incubating right now. If he REALLY wants a pair of Sumatras, I can hook him up later - but he doesn't get Jett OR Gypsy! But, I can part with a couple of their babies. It is really possible that Jett and Gypsy may become the only chickens here. We were talking today that we could eat turkey eggs and NOT have chickens!

We have decided no animals for the rest of the year. But if I mention that we could possibly get offspring from Jett and Gypsy, TR might decide to take you up on that offer.

We were happy to see you, too, and E has already went to TSC and spent his gift card LOL He was so excited over that!

Glad to hear we could help him enjoy his HB!

I may need you to ask Chris if she'd be willing to part with another pair of 'scovies

Keeping them penned was a good idea, but the girl laid and egg and after E collected it - she flew out of the pen and then OUT OF OUR YARD!!! We've been looking all over for her. That was yesterday. Today, I haven't found the male although he was here this morning and loves treats.

I've never had muscovies take off like that before. E said I should have clipped their wings I guess.

And yes we are getting this crappy weather.

At least I got one egg out of them. It's going in the 'bator for sure!

I am sorry to hear you are having problems finding the new birds. C never clipped the wings, as their only fencing is around goat or horse pastures. She felt the birds would be safer if they could fly from a predator. Could they be hiding out somewhere on the farm? I know they hung out with C's horses and goats at her place. Maybe in with Blessing? Most of C's hens are setting. Could it be that this one is prepared to as well and is looking for a nesting site? She threw corn and grain to round up a group of her muscovies. I really can't think of anything else. Let me know........ I'll be praying they return soon.

 

[Denim Deb]

I used to teach karate classes for children. And, one thing that we covered (in a non threatening manner) how to deal w/a pedophile. I never used that term, but we had some rules. Don't know if I remember them all now.

1. Big people don't ask little people for help-they ask an older person.

2. We talked about good touching, and bad touching. And yes, we talked about hugging someone you don't know-not a good idea.

3. There's a difference between good secrets and bad secrets. Good secrets are things like, don't tell Mommy that I got her that new whatever for a present. A bad secret is don't tell anyone what I did to you, it will be our secret

4. We talked about not going ANYWHERE w/anyone-unless Mommy and/or Daddy knew-even if it was a neighbor, family member or whoever.

5. If someone asks for help, and they don't want you to check w/your parents first, don't help them-no matter how much money they offer you.

6. It's OK to tell a grownup NO! in a very loud voice-unless it's your parents telling you something that you have to do that's you're supposed to do. (Homework, go to bed, that sort of thing.)

I don't recall now how we talked about some of the stuff, but, we talked about people who might claim to be a reporter, sports recruiter, or whatever might try to get them to come for an interview, try out, etc, how people will come up and say your mother or father is hurt, and sent me for you, (this one is more for teens) how someone may come up to you in a mall and say you've been accused of shoplifting, and need to come w/me, what to do if you get lost in a store, all kinds of things. And, the parents learned a lot from it too.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Ya'll are making good suggestions, and I appreciate it, but he was in our home, living with us, and we dumbly left him in charge of our children. Our DD did kick and run and try to hide. She even described holding onto a table leg kicking at him while he tried to pull her off.

He hunted her in our house. He pulled her out of hiding spots and pinned her down. How does a 10 year old fight against that? He threatened to put a gun to her head and kill her.

He was FAMILY. Someone we didn't think about NOT being able to trust.

We don't make our kids hug anyone they don't want to, actually, we tell them NOT to hug people outside of our immediate family or close circle of friends, period. I don't even allow them to hug teachers at school.

We have talked to all the kids before this happened and after. My mom had talked to me as a kid, too, and when it happened to me I didn't tell right at first, either. I was scared, too.

We now have an extremely SMALL group of just 4 people we even consider allowing to watch our kids - and only Becca and her mom have the approval to pick up kids from school and even at that, I have told the school they are absolutely to request photo I.D.

If at all possible, I don't leave my kids with anyone anymore. Becca and her mom are my first go to people if I need a sitter, followed by my Amish neighbor who we trust. Then my neighbor down the road whom E has known since before she was born and her DD rides our kids bus (they've only gone there twice). We've asked Keljonma to be here at the house for while I'm in the hospital having the baby. My mom is the last on the list, and even she is a LAST resort for chid care.

No one else. Oh wait, ONCE I let my Aunt Debbie watch the kids, but only once. And at E's party she told me she felt special that I had trusted my kids with her even that one time.

I have never left my kids with strangers, have never encouraged them to hug anyone who wasn't family (rather have discouraged hugging except within a select group of people) and we have always told them to tell us if anyone hurts them in anyway.

This was our nephew, whom we watched grow up, who had custody of his own daughter, who had an honorable discharge from the army - a record soooo clean it squeaked. We had (or so we thought at the time) no reason NOT to trust him.

All of the adice you're giving is great, and in a different mindset I'd find it helpful even...but I don't think it would have helped in this situation. She ran, he chased. He was physically stronger than her, and even though she kicked and fought, he over powered her and held her where he wanted her.

I know ya'll are trying to be helpful, but it's making me hurt more and I'm sorry I've said anything at all.

I hope ya'll will forgive me.

Thanks.

 

[Denim Deb]

QA, and that's the problem, right there. Too often, we tell our kids to watch out for strangers, but it's not strangers we need to worry about, it's strangeness, if that makes any sense. I don't recall the statistics now, but most cases of this sort are NOT done by strangers, but by someone that the child knows and trusts. And, that's what makes it so hard to even know that it's happening. At times, the only clues you'll get, if the child doesn't tell you, is if there is a change in how they act.

 

[Henrietta23]

 

[dragonlaurel]

You are going to be fine. You stood by her during the tough times, and your family will always protect each other in the future.