Scott, I totally understand your rant. Dh and I are the ones who took care of his mother before she passed away. We weren't married or even dating yet. I would come over and keep his paralyzed mother company (she had ALS) while he and his dad went grocery shopping. Dh said that is what made him fall in love with me, my love and concern for his mother.
Anyway, she used to tell me I was more of a daughter to her than her real daughter. My SIL rarely came to see her mom. When she did come visit Mom, she would accuse Mom of faking it. She would tell her to stop her pretending, to get out of bed and start taking care of her family, and to quit having people wait on her.
The day Mom passed away, BIL argued with her because he wanted to do something and she had told him no. The night before she had begged SIL to stay with her and she had said no. DH was working a 12 hour shift and when he came home that night he sat next to his mom in a recliner (like he did every night) in his cow smelling work clothes (he worked on a dairy farm milking cows) and he watched TV with Mom for an hour or so. Told her, mom, I'm going to go get my shower, I'll be right back.
He never got that shower.
Unfortunately, the last 3 months of her life, I didn't get to see her. That's another story, but when she passed away I felt like I had lost my own mother. I loved her so much! And it wasn't her fault she had ALS, but people treated her like she was contagious, even her own daughter. DH says when I came in and talked to her and treated her like a human, he knew I was the one.
DH never dated anyone while his mom was alive. She used to tell him (I know I was there and teased him about it, too) "You need to find a woman" and his reply everytime was, "Not while you still need me, mom. There's no room for a girlfriend or wife." Never had I met someone who put his parents first like that. She would tease me in the same manner, asking why I didn't go out on Friday and Saturday nights, I would tell her, "Because I would rather be here."
I was so blessed to know her. She was a such a bright individual, and even on bad days....
Ah I am sorry, I cluttered up your journal with my ramblings. I know how you feel, ScottyG, and I am so proud of you (if you don't mind my being so) that you are going to do so much for your mom. It is so rare that people nowadays take on such a responsibility.
I was going to say burden, but when it is done out of love, like DH and I did for Mom, it rarely feels like a burden.
Even knowing her incapabilities, make every minute count. The last few memories you make with her will be your most remembered and the most precious later down the road.
And take LOTS of pictures. My greatest regret is that I didn't do that, and I have very few pictures of Mom and I wish I did so I could show them to my children. But we have the memories, and we tell our children about Grandma and how much she would have loved them if she was here.
Sounds like something mine would do. Not lift a finger in a crisis, then when it's over say how hard it was for her. 
