Spouse would rather die than quit corporate job

[ORChick]

Have you appealed to him on the basis of your health? Can he change employers so that you can live somewhere that is less damaging to your health? Still have his job, but better for you?
Also, as attractive as you find the idea, it could be that your tiny house is a horrible thought for him - not everyone finds such places cozy. And you may find that you won't either when you are both home, and tripping over each other. (When we bought this house I was convinced that it was far bigger than we would ever need - and now I value the fact that we each have our own space)

 

[StupidBird]

adding: he is seriously addicted to his job, no other life but the couch and the remote, and an occasional burst of working out at the gym or his hobby of the month. I don't care if he's into SS or not, just wish he'd get a life outside of work.

I am a bit of a packrat, and read that book and others and am teaching myself to cut down.

Big expenses with college, unexpected vehicle repairs, relatives visiting, etc. I have the goal of paying stuff off. Last night I did bills and for the first time in two years, we have to keep a balance on the credit cards...and it is with a comma in it. I always get depressed doing bills, not because of incoming but the "where did it all go?" lament.

He constantly talks of early retirement. Says he can't quit though because of the medical insurance issue, and other reasons (the kind of reasons that start arguments).

I also forgot sleep apnea (not weight related!) and I really haven't been sleeping lately.

Anyways, ORchick, the simple presentation sounds do-able for me. Thank you.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

Sorry to hear about the credit card situation. It sounds like this is a new problem and one that needs to be addressed as soon as possible. The little expenses are adding up much quicker these days! I find I really have to pay close attention, and even then I can overspend without that much effort!

So, if your husband is addicted to his job, does that mean he likes it, or just that it has taken over his life? Is there any hobby he has taken up that he is particularly skilled at? If he doesn't feel skilled at anything else, that may explain why he doesn't stick with a hobby and why he prefers tv and work to the things he could be doing with his personal time. Have you noticed that he is particularly talented at anything?

Living in a cottage in a college town sounds wonderful to me! How does your husband feel about that?

Any way this teenage family member can be an asset rather than a hindrance to your plan for change? Can they be encouraged to help in the garden or help you declutter or can you find something you both enjoy that is SS? Sure, I may be asking WAY too much of a teenager.

 

[tortoise]

I can get stubborn and even b*tchy. I have major mental health issues. My health MUST come first before anything else.

Maybe you can adopt that. YOU shouldn't have to suffer because of his lack of motivation to improve his life! You are where you are for a year because of the teen.

Can you save, learn skills, and move.

"I love you, but you won't allow me to take care of your health. You refuse to take care of your health. My health is suffering. It's time for me to take care of myself. I am moving to _________ to a cottage/apartment/etc. You are welcome to join me. I love you."

And walk away. And follow-through on it.

that can be your end-game. What can you do now to prepare for a move to another climate? Downsizing is still a great way to start, IMO. Why pay money to move a whole lot of stuff across the country? Especially if you move into a much smaller living situation?

I agree that while small spaces are cozy, everyone needs their own space. I claim a basement bedroom for my art/sewing/etc. A twin bed in there two just in case I get seriously angry, LOL. But he stores his camping equipment in there too. He has the rest of the finished basement to himself (doesn't use it) and the garage is his space (unless I'm butchering something.) In football season, the couch is his space. For me moving into his house, it was important for me to feel like I had "my" space.

 

[StupidBird]

My big thing is that while quite willing, the big focus is on high school and learning english/american society.

Big milestone was when visiting a friends' friend's cabin, declared it perfect. I'd always thought so myself.

This month's hobby is target shooting. He discovered that he is decent at it - just some range shooting with a 22 target pistol with a buddy (not work related, extra plus). This from an anti gun person who even last year didn't see any value in it. Ha.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

I agree that while small spaces are cozy, everyone needs their own space. I claim a basement bedroom for my art/sewing/etc. A twin bed in there two just in case I get seriously angry, LOL. But he stores his camping equipment in there too. He has the rest of the finished basement to himself (doesn't use it) and the garage is his space (unless I'm butchering something.) In football season, the couch is his space. For me moving into his house, it was important for me to feel like I had "my" space.

Yes, it is important to have one's own space and know when one needs it. But that said . . . I have to say . . . when I was growing up in suburbia I saw these little one room farm houses around (most are probably gone now) and I never understood how anyone could raise a family in one! I grew up, went to college, moved into an apartment or two, then my husband and I bought a "starter" house. It seemed like a ton of room when we moved in (about 1,000 sq ft), but somehow over the years we filled the house up with stuff. And we aren't really big on buying stuff either. Lots of furniture was inherited or given to us and stuff added up fast. Then a few years ago we bought a little house on some land and had to downsize in a hurry. I made a rule that only stuff we really liked would come into the house. It was refreshing to only have furniture that we liked enough to bring inside and only have a few embellishments. Our new place is pretty much set up such that we are living in one room. And you know what? I love living in one room! Joke is on me, I guess.

Both my husband and I spend so much time working outdoors, practically year round, that we really don't require that much personal space inside the house.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

This month's hobby is target shooting. He discovered that he is decent at it - just some range shooting with a 22 target pistol with a buddy (not work related, extra plus). This from an anti gun person who even last year didn't see any value in it. Ha.

There ya go! That is an SS skill!

 

[Farmfresh]

My hubby is not that career oriented but he was (and to some extent still is) a hard core city boy. That is changing more and more all of the time. These days HE is starting to talk about moving out of the city.

Like several of the others have said, it needs to be HIS idea ... or at least he needs to think it was!

You just start homesteading right where you are and gently suck him into it!

Here is an example.

MY hubby has always liked Mexican food and salsa. He particularly likes eating the hot peppers. With that knowledge I started a steady (sneaky) campaign to get him hooked on gardening!

Step 1 ... year 1. I planted a single jalapeno pepper plant in my front flower bed right beside the steps. Every day when he got home from work it was the first thing he saw when coming into the house. I never mentioned it. Then one day he asked about the plant because he had noticed the peppers growing on it. I still underplayed it and never picked a pepper. One day HE came in the house with a hand full of peppers. "You know those peppers were ready to pick. Why haven't you picked them?" That night we had nachos and peppers for supper.

Step 2 (year 2) I planted a single jalapeno pepper plant - this time in a big flower pot ON my porch beside the front door. After it was going good I would often "forget" to water it. At first I would leave a bucket of water fairly close by, like I was going to do it but got distracted somehow. Hubby would come home, notice the wilted leaves water the plant then come inside and fuss at me for not keeping it watered. He also started looking for peppers on the plant. About half way through the summer I started asking him if he had watered HIS plant. Sometimes he got a bit cranky about this, but usually he had already tended it.

Year 3 (step 3) I acquired 3 BIG buckets (they used to hold cattle minerals) and fixed them up with compost. The next time we had to go to the hardware store for something I kind of noticed the pepper plants. "Have you ever eaten a poblano pepper? How about a serrano chili? Why don't we plant them in those new buckets? ..."

These days he has the whole porch FULL of different peppers and a paste tomato (to make salsa of course!). He has purchased water meters and fertilizer, and even started his own seeds! He even roasts the peppers and makes his own salsa! When he comes home from his often stressful job he always spends a few minutes on the porch before coming in ... just petting his pepper plants!

It CAN happen!

 

[Wifezilla]

Farmfresh, you are positively diabolical

 

[Farmfresh]

Thank you VERY much!