My nieghbor thinks he is a shepherd in the highlands, directing a workingdog with a family secret whistlecode: "Tweet twitter,' a pause, then "Tweet tweet!" I'm thinking 'yeah, i saw that episode of Nova on PBS too. You're not some Dog Whisperer you know?" A snarky thing to think. All quite now except for the birds, a great many, even a woodpecker playing the bongo drums in cool funkybeat rythm. "Sigh". Nice to chillax and breath clean air, out away from work and the city, listen to mockingbirds whispering "that you, boo?" Earlier today i noticed that some plants were looking dry, so i walked over to my old galvanized steel watering can (i recently repaired the salvaged item with some silver solder and a propane torch. No more leaking). When i bent over to pick up the can, Monkeygirl let out a yelp.
"Meeow!"
"What now!" I said, sort of grouchy, "you want some wah wah?"
"Meow."
"Yeah, i hear how you changed your tone of voice" If she could talk for real it would be all about her and she would never shut up, but she's so pretty to look at that i would be happy to sit there all day and listen to her. I put the watering can on the ground and clicked the handle over to make a familiar "clank" sound. If nothing else works on a hot day, that noise always brings her running up to greet me, but this time she was already there and she started lapping it up. I leaned over and stroked her back gently. "You like that wah wah?" i asked.
"Slurp, slurp, slurpidy-slurp."
"I guess i'll take that as a "yes". I am convinced that this animal knows as many or more words than the average dog. She's like a fairly smart dog, or what i would call a" Supercat". Some freak mistake in her gene coding unleashed dormant, prehistoric abilities. She can smell tuna a full 10 nanoseconds before the can opener has actually punctured the top of the can. I suspect this must be some sort of 4d sampling of the quantum time holograph, but how anyone can know what's going to happen before it does is beyond me. This cat and a lady i once knew. Precongnition is not my field of study, nor do i know anything more about it than what ive seen, so its all just majic to me. If i really knew anything about it i would have gone to Vagas and took a chance on trading my kneecaps for a couple hundred grand. As it is, i got here to my early semi-retirement the hard way, by wearing out what was once a fairly strong back, and doing the Dave Ramsey thing. Everything's been paid off except the IRS, and i'm sending them what i can. There is no mortgage, no credit card bills, no water bill, no electric bill. Just wish i had a dairy farmer who likes berries. "A pint for a gallon? Sounds fair to me!"
So nice to sit in the shade typing, as the cool air sinks past me on it's way to the creek just on down the trail from me. The undisturbed woods transports me back to old days of camping out for real, even though it's technically just a suburban backyard, and camping is against the building restrictions. It's more like i have the best of both worlds. Not really camping if there is a roof over my head, and a left over slice of mulberry pie, cooling it's heels in the icebox.
"All residences must have electric service."
"Innocent again, your Honor. As anyone can see; my electric service is backed up by batteries, so i always have electric service, even when my nieghbor's lights go out during a storm.
"Your nieghbors aren't the ones who are on trial here, Mr. Sunsaver. No drilling allowed."
"Good thing i dug my well by hand then, just like those Mexican guys in that Youtube video. I did not do any drilling."
"Case dismissed!" Whump goes the gavel. Pretty cool judge. I'm glad he was so liberal minded. No more corporate wage slavery for me. Free free free, everythings free for me. Well, as free as my back can handle. Guess i better get back to putting down roots. Grapes don't grow on winetrees and the berries don't seed themselves. Basil, sage, rosemary, dill, and other slowmovers to put in the ground. Check yall out later!
Chapter One: The basics of Survival
There have been so many books on survival published lately that to add to the knowledge out there on this subject is nearly impossible. Here i will only distill the best bits of wisdom and important topics as a general overview of the subject, which has become very popular in recent times for various reasons. A sudden change in your personal situation, loss of a job, divorce, or even a simple power outage could give you the desire to be more self-reliant. Whatever your reason for being interested in survivalism, i hope you will enjoy the comfort that comes from knowing how to survive in almost any environment or condition. The skills of the survivalist's manual are the foundation that off-grid living is built from. To me, learning is the most fun part of any hobby, except gettting that one toy that makes all the other bits work right finally, that darned keydate lincoln S-VDB. Planning a trip is half the fun. But before you ditch your day job or jump out a window because you can't complete your coin collection, start out with the very basics of survival: the ability to secure food, water and shelter.
Food should be fresh and locally obtained as much as possible, and imported foods should be suitably prepaired for long-term storage and emergence use only. Finding local food means that you should know how to identify and locate all of the common edible herbs and fruits found in your part of the world, as well as knowing how to construct simple weapons and traps for hunting. Flint knapping classes are availabe, videos of how to hunt and trap, how to construct a bow and arrow, a sling and shot, a stone axe, etc. Learning as many of these skills as possible could serve you well in an emergency. Many people, myself included, live in urban areas where hunting and trapping are not allowed, so i will only discuss foraging, gardening, and dumpster diving. Another way to secure foood in an urban environment is by begging for money or food. That's the laziest way to survive, by just making up a good sob story: "wife is pregnant. Ran out gas just a mile back..." same tune for hobos since the crash of 29. Good-hearted suckers are born every minute, knowingly passing out quarters for cheap vodka and glass pipes. I was working at a gas station right after Katrina hit, so i know how low people can get. Don't let yourself ever go there. Looking out for number one is the new golden rule for the survivalist. How can you be self-reliant if you are depending entirely on the kindness of strangers and your own ability to lie, even only to yourself?
I won't dwell on drinking water from public fountains or explain how to make a solar still or bio-sand filter for safely drinking out of a ditch, but i will talk about dumpster diving do's and don'ts. Do cut off brown or slimy parts of old vegetables, then cook them in a stew which has been brought to a boil for at least a couple of minutes. Unless the vegetables were previously in cans or frozen, they are not likely to have any botulinum toxins, nor anything more harmful than simple microscopic bugs such ameobas and E. Coli bacteria, which are easily destroyed by cooking. The exception would be dumpsters behind hospitals, schools, public buildings and institutions, or commercial and industrial areas. Don't eat food from a dumpster that has any hazmat or biohazard symbols on it (insert link here) Dumpsters behind grocery stores and restaurants are the safest bets for fresh vegetables that are only just past their peak freshness, but otherwise safe to eat. All meat should be cooked before eating, though the appearance of maggots might indicate that the flavor will be "off". Don't eat anything from a dumpter if you smell bleach or other cleaner-like or soap-like smells or chemical odors. Many household cleaning products, shampoos, medicines, etc, are very toxic and can make you sick or even kill you. As a general rule, processed foods that were previously dry are safe to eat: stale cookies, chip bags, candies and other sorts of foods packaged in plastic are often safe to eat, as well as out-dated can-goods that are not rusted or swollen and have their seals intact.
I don't ever plan on doing any dumpster diving, but then i just find such good stuff all the time: tools, furniture, even working appliances or nice antiques in need of a stitch or two. But when it comes to food, nothing beats the taste of a homegrown tomato. Key to that is having a home and a kitchen garden, even if it's just an apartment patio or window box with a few culinary herbs. Knowing how to grow your own fruits and vegetables is essential to becoming self-sufficient. There is a ton of growing advice out there, most of it anectdotal, misleading, or even downright false. What works for one gardener in one micro-climate, might fail for gardeners just one county over. Container gardening is another set of special skills entirely, requiring careful attention to how much water, when to water, and how much fertilizer to use (organic gardening in containers is nearly impossible). I only have two tricks for great container gardening: a quality brand of moisture retentive growing media, like the Pro-mix medias from premier, and Ozmocote or similar brand of slow-release fertilizer. However; if you have a small courtyard, a lawn wasting away in grass, or a less than lovely flower bed that grows tall weeds, you have the perfect opportunity to start to growing things in a sustainable way.
"Sustainable" in simple terms, means that there are no chemical salts added to the soil, which could eventually render it useless by killing all of the beneficial critters that make the soil's ecosystem function properly. Nothing beats a huge population of earthworms when it comes to making soil thats rich and black enough to grow just anything. It also means that the garden is not dependant on pesticides or herbacides that are made from non-replaceable petroleum. But the real payback for a little advance planning and hard work is not all the money saved on chemicals, but the peace of mind knowing that there's no poison on your food.
Prepare the garden soil in new ground during the fall, a few months before the spring of your first organic garden. This will allow MotherNature to do most of the "organic" work and benefits for you, allowing you to lounge by the pool drinking iced-tea and surfing the internet, something easier and better smelling than importing manure from a horse stable. A good combination of green and brown compost materials are readily available in nearly every suburban neighborhood, in the form of grass clippings and chopped leaves, often mowed up and bagged in one by the lawn service. I also go around and rake up my nieghbor's leaves. They are happy to see them go, and i'm glad to get the worm feed for free. The dead leaves of fall are the best way to feed the large nightcrawlers, my pet earthworms that feed me in return. As the leaves compost over the winter, the black pile of rotten leaves and woody bits will become food for the millions and millions of tiny creatures that live in the soil.
Take some time to collect the leaves and spread a layer of them at least six inches deep over the entire area where the new vegetable bed will be. If it takes a few days, a little bit per day, that's fine. Don't skimp on the leaf-litter, because once the pile is made, your job is over. While you sit all cozy in your cave, tent, or cabin all winter, the bacteria, fungi, and earthworms will till the soil for you, even fertilize it. When the spring arrives, any weeds or grasses will be dead (use newspapers over lawn turf such as St. Augustine, but if you have Bermuda grass on your property, sell it and buy a different piece of property). Simply rake back the dry, leaf-litter mulch off the top of the new garden area, leaving behind the black compost and worm-castings, the little balls of mud that will be everywhere. That's the worm-poo, blackgold to an organic gardener, as good as food in the pantry to a survivalist.
