What kind of Mother-in-law or Father-in-law are you?

[Beekissed]

Thought of an interesting thread topic, in light of Keljonma's son's wedding and I've been wondering what kind I will be/make when my own sons get married. Anyone have good relationships with their inlaws? Bad? Make efforts to keep the peace? Don't even have to?

 

[Wannabefree]

I have a somewhat strained relationship with mine when they don't mind their own business which is less and less often since they moved from across the street from us. I get along fabulously with DD's grandad, which isn't truly an inlaw, but still sort of is. He is very supportive, as is her step grandma, so I get along great with them, and often ask their advice on raising their granddaughter. Matter of fact I need to call them :/ Anyway, I think hubs has it best, because my parents are pretty quiet and keep their opinions to themselves with both me and him. So there is no conflict there...never has been that I can recall. He's so lucky. Sometimes I feel like I got the shaft


In general I think I'm a decent inlaw. I keep my opinion to myself unless asked. Of course, my SonIL is still very young, so they ask a good bit, but I think I pretty well stay within the parameters of giving good advice and backing off to let them choose to use it or not. DH is much the same way as I am on that note, so I think we're pretty good inlaws.

 

[Beekissed]

I wasn't married long enough to deal with inlaws, so my experience there is nil...but I'm starting to get a picture of how stressful it can get. My son is getting married in July and the bride's family is certifiably nuts! Sweet gal and vastly different than the rest of her family but my son will be dealing with that mess from here on out....what a difficult hurdle when one is trying to develop a marriage and raise a young family!

Why, I wonder, does it often turn out that way? That a joining of two families has to be so filled with tension....

 

[Wannabefree]

Simple. Control issues. It's just generally one family can't handle "losing" their baby.

 

[Beekissed]

But...they aren't really "lost", are they? They are just living in another house and spending their time with their own futures. Thus giving Mom and Dad time to pursue other adventures!!

I'm sure I'll feel some of that loss also when my boys are deep into their own family lives and don't have time to call their mama...I'm a realist, after all. I'll be feeling that burn one day, I'm sure.

 

[Wannabefree]

But...they aren't really "lost", are they? They are just living in another house and spending their time with their own futures. Thus giving Mom and Dad time to pursue other adventures!!

I'm sure I'll feel some of that loss also when my boys are deep into their own family lives and don't have time to call their mama...I'm a realist, after all. I'll be feeling that burn one day, I'm sure.

No they are not really "lost" but it has nothing to do with reality, just perception.

 

[FarmerChick]

Great relationships on both sides.

both sets of parents do not get into our business. which is the way it should be

I have to say, my parentss and Tony's parents are adults. They are not 'childish' etc. in any way. Great adults actually so it makes for a super easy, adult relationship between all of us. When we ask for advice (and we ask alot cause I have to say, both sets of inlaws are smart people) it works well.....they never butt into our business and push advice or anything else on us.

I will give this respect to my daughter when she has a family (but being an older mom, she will probably have to visit me in the old folks home for advice) haha

 

[gettinaclue]

I adore my FIL and my BIL. I LOATHE my MIL.

The very first time I met her, I stepped foot in her house and she said to me "Oh I juss love that hair color. It's not real is it." It wasn't a question. (It was real by the way) What a backhanded compliment.

She is outlandishly manipulative. She's told my daughter repeatidly that she can't do this and can't do that because she is a girl. She has told my daughter (when she was very small) that I was going to spend eternity burning in hell because I joined the military and was in a leadership position.

She encourages my husband (who is Type 1 diabetic) to eat whatever he wants since he has an insulin pump. Her thinking is it shouldn't matter at this point and he can just dial up the insulin whenever he needs it.

Years ago, when we were coming back from Germany we stayed with them for a few days and I caught her going through all our important papers. Paycheck stubbs, income taxes, etc.

She came to visit a few years back and asked me to cut her hair for her. To be clear, I can cut hair - any fool with scissors can, but it'll look like a 2 yr old did it. I explained that to her and she insisted that I do it anyway. While I was cutting her hair, she told me that she had been gossiping with her friends and told them I wasn't worth the bullet to shoot me with because I wasn't a stay at home mother. The next night I came home from work and she had cooked dinner and they all sat down to eat without me because "You were taking to long". It was 7 when I got home. Later that evening, she was going through our papers again - that I had in a locked room in a locked filing cabinet. The woman knows how to use a butterknife it seems.

She is a horrible manipulative human being. I limit her time with my children. Once or twice a year is all I allow and only a couple of days then.


There is a reason we live so far away from her. I did it on purpose.

 

[mrscoyote]

Apparently we are not very good. Our son in law keeps doing things to keep our daughter and 2 granddaughters away from us. It is very hurtful. In our defense he is young and not very mature. It's a long story but our daughter is pretty much the man of the house cause he can't be bothered to take time away from video games and hanging out.

 

[Britesea]

We only have one DIL, but they live quite a ways away. I don't know what she thinks of us, but I know she likes us better than my son's father. The first time he met her parents, he turned to her mother and asked "Has she always been fat?" There is a reason he is my 'ex'.

As to our respective parents... Both fathers are dead now, but were dearly loved and are sorely missed. My mother is dead now as well; as a MIL she was a nightmare for DH. I was always running interference between them.
My MIL ... well, we no longer have any contact with her, by DH's choice. She and I didn't get along, but I think it was mostly because we were two strong women, used to running things our way. LOL, I still remember the time he came home, slammed the door and looked at me and said "YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW....."