What kind of Mother-in-law or Father-in-law are you?

[bambi]

I plan to learn form my Inlaws when/if my Son ever marries. They are the best!!! They treat me and my husband with the greatest of respect, and when they give us advice with us asking for the advice it is well worth listening to.

 

[keljonma]

While officially I won't be Erin's mother-in-law until tomorrow afternoon, Jon and Erin have been together for over 7 years; so we have had plenty of opportunities to work on having good relationships with them as a couple. It probably helps that we respect and care for one another, and have similar tastes.

TR and I were blessed to have terrific role models in our parents as in-laws: caring, supportive, non-judgmental, always available to chat or spend time together as a family. We miss them a great deal.... It would be nice if they were here this week-end. I know they would be very happy with Jon's choice of a life partner and love her as much as we do.

Edited for clairty.... I have been a mil to kel's dh for 15 years. Since he is a x-country trucker, and lives in Texas we rarely see him. Kel is close to her MIL and they seem to have a very good relationship.

 

[Beekissed]

I really like Joel's affianced as well, but it took us 3 years to get warm to each other. She was so shy and shut down by her family back then and seemed appalled at how loud and boisterous my three boys were and how much fun we had out of nothing.

Now she is showing her sharp witted humor and giving as good as she gets...and I LOVE her!!!! I wish she were my own daughter and pretty soon she will be...I hope we will grow in our love and understanding of each other as time goes along and I hope I can learn to be a good MIL.

 

[me&thegals]

Ahhh, what a can of worms to open

We live next door to husband's parents, so that makes it all the more interesting. We had an excellent relationship while dating and engaged for 2 1/2 years. My parents were separated at the time and they became my family. Once married, boundaries were a little vague, MIL was pretty bossy, and they pretty much just walked in our house whenever they wanted. Still, it was very good between us, although I would get frustrated. When DH was gone, I'd go to their place and just sit and talk with them.

Things fell apart when DS was born. I think they had unspoken expectations of grandparenting, and we had our own expectations of parenting. They were very dissimilar, and I feel badly about it now. MIL was still quite bossy, only now it was really personal as it had to do with my mothering, not just my housekeeping. I was constantly irritated, offended and defensive. I coped by avoiding them as much as possible. I believe it hurt them deeply to have relatively little contact with our DS (but I didn't really "get" this until much later). DH spoke to them once about their constant disrespect of our wishes when they were spending time with DS, and MIL was gravely offended and hurt.

It took years to get back to even basic courtesy, as MIL wouldn't even greet me in public, and I even once overheard her sharply criticizing me to the other sisters and brothers in law. Anyway, it has slowly gotten better over time.

We now have a courteous and kind relationship, and they enjoy our kids (although infrequently), but it probably will never be a close friendship. It's just very polite and superficially friendly.

My husband, OTOH, is adored by my parents. They are more concerned if he is happy when visiting than me Mom makes his favorite foods (as well as for the other inlaws), dad wants to do things he enjoys. And we live 1 1/2 hours away, so if he's not happy with them, there's something wrong with him!

 

[me&thegals]

Have to add: My deep fear is that I will do everything I can to be the mother in law I would have wanted, and it will turn out that my children's mates actually care about
other qualities much more, and I will still alienate and offend them!

Really, I do believe that anyone shown respect and enduring love can overlook many wrongs. When I felt like DH's parents loved me, I could overlook most anything.
Once it got rather chilly, it has been very hard for me to feel warmly back. So, that's my plan. Lots of love and communication. I'd like to ask my kids how I can
be a better MIL to their spouses, and I hope they'll be honest with me!

 

[peteyfoozer]

We have 2 DIL's. One, we loved, showed nothing but respect for her, went out of our way to be there whenever she needed us, and she vilified and cut us off from our son and their daughters. Our other DIL is a fabulous girl who goes out of her way to make sure we get to see and spend time with their children as often as possible. She allows us to love her and her family. She doesn't believe people are 'disposable.' Nothing is more painful than rejection. I really take exception with "in-law haters". Grace is so rare these days.

 

[Leta]

When DH and I first met and he introduced me to his sister, things were weird. It took us a long time to connect. But we love each other and we get along great now. She has no blood sisters, and neither do I, so we are sisters to each other.The secret to overcoming this awkward relationship was that SIL and I both were trying. That is the key, I think. All parties must make equal effort.

I really like and enjoy her husband, too. BIL, DH, and my brother- none of them have blood brothers, so they are brothers to each other.

Our parents? DH and I have four parents between the two of us, and they are all varying degrees of mentally ill. I wish I was being sarcastic, but alas, I am not. That makes things difficult, because they can't give an effort equal to ours. I love my parents, because, well, they are my parents, but I don't think DH does and I don't really expect him to. I'm glad that DH loves my brother, though. I don't love my FIL and MIL. BIL described it best, that they are "really hard to be around".

Generally, I find FIL easier to be around than MIL, with two very major exceptions, one being his level of drunkenness, and the other being when he goes off on one of his rants. Most often, his rants are political, but they also include personal finance and parenting. He almost always gets his facts wrong and I disagree with most of his opinions, so I don't ever want to hear it. More importantly, he says a lot of stuff that I don't want my children to hear, excessive profanity being the least of it.

We can't leave our kids alone with MIL and FIL because they have dozens of loaded guns around (no trigger locks) and are very cavalier about it. It's hardly like they are watching the children every minute. And my little ones are little- 5 and 2- far too little for any "gun safety rules" to be enough.

It's too bad. They have a lovely spread with all sorts of great stuff for kids to do, and I know they love their grandchildren. But DH was the driving force behind this decision, not me, and I respect it.

We don't leave our kids alone with my dad, either. He is a danger to himself, most of the time, and he is cycling really quickly these days. He adores our kids, but his illness makes it impossible for him to be considered a trustworthy person. He does not really have a filter- if I don't catch him and shut it down, he'll talk about killing himself in front of our kids. This, of course, is very damaging, but he really doesn't understand what's so wrong with "just being honest". I really had to lay it on the line for him- he had to follow my rules or lose access to his grandkids, this is not a democracy and he doesn't get a vote. He was angry, but came around.

My mom is the most stable and normal of our four parents. DH completely agrees with me on this. She is the one grandparent that can be alone with our kids. She suffers from OCD, anxiety and depression, but at a fairly low level, and her issues are well-treated and controlled. I know she isn't a great MIL. She tries, which is wonderful, but she and I have a complicated relationship and that upsets DH, understandably.

 

[me&thegals]

I'm sorry, Leta. I really have nothing to complain about!

 

[the funny farm6]

Well my mil is a nightmare! She is a gambler, and typical example of her behavior is this year she cancled christmas at her house! Found out from my sil that she had made a remark to her about how she didn't have money to buy food let alome gifts becouse she used up their ssi check when she and a friend went to the "boat". Step-father in law pretends he knows nothing and ignores it. She also told us becouse we raise and butcher all our meat and can, we should(NOT COULD) give them some cause they don't have grocery money!
Ok grasshopper!

My mom is lonely and calls me 5-6 times a day becouse she is board. (My dad died suddnly 3 years ago). Drives us nuts!

 

[Marianne]

Our SIL is great, treats our daughter and her son great, too. I couldn't ask for anyone better for her. He'll help me with anything I need. I always make sure he knows how much I appreciate it and there's always his favorite coconut cream pie, peanut butter brownies, whatever, for him to take home. I also don't ask unless I'm desperate. I don't want to take advantage of a good thing, ya know?

Our future DIL? Well, it's good that they live several states away from us. She's an only child, very spoiled and childish for her age. It's hard for me to keep my yap shut (I usually refer to her as Bridezilla when she's not around). Her folks? We call them the drunk-in-laws. Drinking, fighting, more drinking, more fighting, every single day. Good thing they live several states away, too.

It's just a difference in values, I guess. But our son loves this gal and if there was a battle between us, she would win. I will continue to bite my tongue until I have blood dripping off my chin.

My inlaws died in an auto accident the year before DH and I were married. My mother? I won't even get started on that one. That's another one that we're glad lives in another state.

Hey! I just noticed!!!! I'm glad everyone lives far away from me! Hmmmm, I can't be the problem, can I????