wyodreamer - we're not in Wyo any more

[baymule]

I can understand that getting you down.

 

[flowerbug]

This time of year gets me down. I had always loved Christmas, but DH gets upset when I buy gifts for others. oNe year we had a big blow out, so I don't do it any more. If I decorate; it is just for me, no-one else to enjoy it. He says to go ahead and decorate, but I know it means nothing to him but a higher electric bill. I will get him a couple of small gifts, then he will feel bad because he didn't get me anything. sigh.

i'm sorry it's not what you'd like.

i'm more like him than not.

i'm very glad that both of us are on the same wavelength here. neither of us feels like we need or want anything. to me that is good because we both know that if we want something we'll just go out and get it.

i did pick up a few boxes of chocolates because i do know Mom likes those.

i'll trade day to day hugs and laughs for once a year gifts any time.

perhaps just make a point of hugging him and being appreciative. i know it is hard to live with someone who's not that demonstrative or gifting, but at their heart they're there. just kinda stuck in their ways perhaps. hard to nudge them out of it.

a mid-winter trip away? well, if they are like me they dread travel, but will go along if someone else really makes the effort and then we can find moments that work within that.

i'm just meandering here.

make snowballs and throw them at each other.

what does he like?

Mom likes to bake things for others to give them away. does he like baked items? maybe he won't object to those as much? just do a few here or there and see if he responds.

i like cooking and baking too and once contemplated opening a bakery/chocolate store/coffee/soup&sandwhich place, etc. other than the fact that i can't spend that much time standing or sitting behind a counter or at a stove really stopped me more than anything.

this time of the year i'm in hibernation mode. i like to read, work on quiet things and wait for spring. it is survival to hoard energy and contemplate, hunker down, collect belly button lint and daydream of warmer spring weather when i can get back outside.

 

[wyoDreamer]

He loves sweets, but wants to lose weight so tells me not to. He knows that I will bake sweets for him anyway.

His mom was huge into Christmas, and he loves to get gifts! But, yes, if there is something he wants he goes out and buys it for himself - which is why I buy him little things that he never buys for himself. One of these days he is going to get a package of underwear for Christmas, lol.
Unfortunately, I feel like he is just too lazy to go out and buy gifts for me. I'm not hard to buy for, lol. Bad attitude on my part, and I try not to dwell or judge. I know that he cares and I get lots of hugs/kisses/closeness. I just miss the magic of Christmas that was there when I was a kid.

 

[flowerbug]

have you written a letter to Santa? i.e. perhaps if you gave him a list of things to pick from that would help him. like if you gave him a list of 10 - 20 items and he could pick 1 - 2 from that would you be feeling better? i got undies this Christmas too! hahaha... i was getting down there and the old ones i wear out a few pairs a year so they were getting holy (the fine time between when they are broke in and perfectly comfortable and when they no longer really work well at all seems to be about a year for me).

i do understand him wanting to lose some weight too. do you go for walks together?

 

[Lazy Gardener]

Sounds like you and hubby have different love languages. Have you read the book? See the link below. Excellent read, and it's insightful into all relationships, not just marital. The premise of the book is that we are all hardwired to PRIMARILY perceive expression of love in one of 5 ways or "languages". For example: my primary love language is acts of service, with a secondary of quality time. So, if my hubby wants to send a message that tells me that I'm loved, he will help me with the chores, or spend some TIME with me. He could send me roses, buy me gifts, give a back rub, or tell me how wonderful I am. All these things would be appreciated, but they really wouldn't get my attention the way an act of service or some quality time would.

Since your hubby does not speak your love language, he needs some coaching to understand how important it is to you. You might start by figuring out what his love language is. That would be a good starting place for a dialogue regarding how important it is for you to speak to him in his love language, and how he would feel if you never did so. Then, you can discuss ways that he can "speak to you".

I know a couple who are so completely out of tune with each other's needs. His love language: physical touch. Hers: words of affirmation. Neither one of them have learned how to "speak each other's love language." While I have no doubt that they do love each other, their marriage is strained, and neither one of them feels loved or cherished by their partner.

https://g.christianbook.com/dg/slideshow/f400/412706_1_ftc.jpg

 

[wyoDreamer]

Actually, I do pretty well speaking his love language. He just doesn't speak mine so well. I know this, respect it and it is only this time of year that I have some slight problems with feeling appreciated. I don't have any friends around that I can do things with and my sisters are all over an hour away and have their own family (kids & in-laws) to interact with. Just the ordinary Christmas Blues and these too shall pass. Garden planning starts in January!!

 

[FarmerJamie]

I really don't need the gifts, but my wife enjoys giving, so I remind myself to "drop hints" to her this time of year. Having my kids over for a meal and opening their gifts is all I want. Lol.

We are both physical touch love language people. Lots of hand holding riding in a car

 

[NH Homesteader]

My husband and I don't usually do gifts, we'll go buy something we both want if anything. But this year I inherited some money and I bought him a pop up ice fishing shelter. A really nice one. Unfortunately he was home when it was delivered so he got his gift early, lol. Oh well, I tried!

 

[wyoDreamer]

Nice try, @NH Homesteader !
A local outdoor store is going out of business. He has bought plenty of "gifts" for himself. One of which was a pop-up ice shanty. Each purchase is like a present for him; just the way he savors the process of unpacking it and handling it makes it seem like the best thing he ever got. Lol. That is how I know he loves to get gifts, just un-wrapping something brings him joy. I let him unwrap any movies I buy - no frustration for me and joy for him.

 

[flowerbug]

I really don't need the gifts, but my wife enjoys giving, so I remind myself to "drop hints" to her this time of year. Having my kids over for a meal and opening their gifts is all I want. Lol.

We are both physical touch love language people. Lots of hand holding riding in a car

it is sweet to find someone like that. lucky you!

i don't need anything so just visiting the family and having a good dinner and talking and sometimes we play a game or two of something for laughs.