Are we living our dreams?

[Britesea]

You are being badly abused, emotionally. Where does he get off acting like you don't know enough to order a cake for your child's birthday??? And he's enlisting your daughters help in the abuse. Be prepared, he is probably also trying to alienate the other children (and other relatives) as well. It's an important part of the modus operandi of an abuser to cut one off from all lines of support. Get your own friends, make doubly sure your children know you love them, even if you can't afford to get them tons of cool stuff like daddy does (that's what mine did).
As far as the drill is concerned... I think it would be a good idea for you to get your own stuff, and have as little contact with the b****** as possible. Otherwise, you are just continuing to give him opportunities to drag you down into the pit he's dug for you. Have your own BD parties at your house. He's NOT invited- he can have one at his house too, if he feels the need; the kid will love it, lol
It took me 10 years to get over 7 years of similar abuse, and that was with the help of a supportive new husband.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

X2 He moved out - he lost his right to try and control you!

It is so hard to let it roll off your back - but don't let him steal your joy in life. "He who angers you - controls you". He doesn't get to do that anymore!

This is about YOU now.

 

[Denim Deb]

Can't add anything else. That's good, sound advice.

 

[hqueen13]

Ditto to the above. This isn't about you. Is about him. Don't allow him to make it about you. If you haven't ever read the little book called the four agreements you might want to. Its a great book and has helped me a lot in tough situations when another person attempts to do things like this to me.

 

[rhoda_bruce]

He called me today. No drama related to me, but he was fishing for drama, which involved my godchild....I gave him the bare facts, without spilling out the whole story, because its 1. none of his business, 2. isn't really important (and its over with) 3. he only will store it up to use against me later....so I got away from that subject as fast as I could and he began talking about the BD party. He is starting some chili and plans on serving hotdogs, but forgot the chips. He asked me if I was going get the cake, which I said,"Yes, because I plan on leaving with whatever isn't eaten." Fortunately he didn't say anything about that. Not all my family wants to see him. So godson shows up, while I'm on the phone and I've already told him 4X's I have to teach the girls their lessons and he tells me to invite him and his sister........done. Nothing better happen, except laughs, good conversations, good eating and the like. I have already warned him and he best remember.
Well, while godson was here, he talks to me about the camp (furtur up north) and the muscadine and other things growing there and asks me about robbing the bees and offers to help me, so he can have some raw honey and honeycomb. Great!!!! So I'll be getting my stuff in order. He likes most of my SS projects, so I wish I could enlist him from time to time. And then I decide to use the last of my blackberry sauce to make a few more dumplings, which he watched me put it all together. He had to leave a few minutes to help my brother with something, but returned with my niece and they each took 2 dumplings and made the biggest fuss over it. They claim they haven't had blackberry dumplings since before Granny died (my momma). They swore it was as good as Granny's......to which I said,"Well, I am her little girl."
Today is good.....hope it stays that way.

 

[Denim Deb]

Hope it stays that way as well.

 

[baymule]

Rhoda, you need a boyfriend. Stop letting this loser ex make you miserable. You are trying to be the better person, but sometimes, it is just time to STOP. Screw that scum bag. Get yourself a life-a life that does not include him in anything at all. It will real make him angry and he will sabotage everything he possible can in retaliation, so just be ready. Oh, and cut off the $$$$$ NOW. No more. You don't owe him anything, if anything, he should be paying YOU in the form of child support. Creeps like him remind me of my own ex-creep and you are much too good for him. Ok, rant over.

 

[rhoda_bruce]

I've been told that a few times. It might happen, but I'm just not ready yet. Not even sure I can find someone who will agree with all the stuff I do and I simply can't put up with a couch potatoe.
A lot of men wouldn't want to step in and reap the rewards of landing a woman that is already set up....at least I think so....and maybe I'll leave, but don't hold your breath.
As hateful as DH has always been, he had talents and SS skills. I'll get by somehow. I have my family and even if my body is old and breaking, my mind is intact, so I can think of multiple ways to handle various problems that seem to arise.
I've been embarrassed by a few facebook comments that DH has posted on our mutual friends walls, so I decided to visit his wall (he unfriended me) and he has as his status,"I hate the one who says SHE loves Jesus!!!!" How humilliating. And he said even worse a few weeks ago. Even denied Jesus all-together. Not good in our circle of friends. Well, he gets no likes. And I know he only does that if he has been drinking. Well, I care about him and he is my children's father, so I called his godson (adult and retired Marine) and asked him to check out his Paran's wall (Paran is what we call our godfathers) and to see if he can somehow sneak some love in somehow. He promised to check it out. How can someone with only 35% of a heart, embrace damnation, is beyond me. Regardless of if he is with me or gone forever, I don't want anyone living with so much anger and certainly not someone I have to trust my children with.
Very screwed up situation.

 

[Denim Deb]

Sorry you're having to deal w/that. It's never easy.

 

[baymule]

This man is eat up on the inside. I don't know enough about your situation to even fathom a guess on what is eating on him. But it is evident that he blames you for his unhappiness. He might be your childrens father, but he is doing all he can to make your life as miserable as he can. He can only make you miserable if you let him.

Stop wasting your time and your life feeling sorry for him. He is what he is and you can't cure what is wrong with him. You have young children who need a mother. You need to look after yourself, your happiness, your health-both physical and mental, so that you can look after your children.

You deserve happiness.