Denim Deb Hay, hay, hay. Thank the Lord!
- Thread starter Denim Deb
- Start date
S
sunsaver
Guest
DD, I was married to a drunk (i drink now, but didn't drink at all back then). She was emotionally abusive, and stayed out late drinking every nite. I finally left and went to stay with my parents for a few days, thinking she would realize what a jerk she had been. She filed for divorce almost immediately. About a year later she married her boyfriend. There's old saying that "if you let it go and it comes back, it's yours. If you let it go and it goes off with someone else, then you are better off with a trusty dog or a couple of cats!
You don't have to get a divorce to give your jerk a wake up call. Sorry your having such misery. I can definitely relate.
You don't have to get a divorce to give your jerk a wake up call. Sorry your having such misery. I can definitely relate.
i_am2bz
Lovin' The Homestead
So sorry for your loss, DD. Many hugs for what you're going thru.
I was married to a controlling, emotionally abusive jerk for almost 14 years. Leaving was the best thing I ever did, & to this day I can't understand why I stuck with it so long (other than divorce just "wasn't done" in my family).
My current husband knows there's really no choice between him & the pets; the pets would win every time. Lucky for me, he's cool with that (one reason why I keep him around).
Do what you think is right. We'll be here for you.
I was married to a controlling, emotionally abusive jerk for almost 14 years. Leaving was the best thing I ever did, & to this day I can't understand why I stuck with it so long (other than divorce just "wasn't done" in my family).
My current husband knows there's really no choice between him & the pets; the pets would win every time. Lucky for me, he's cool with that (one reason why I keep him around).
Do what you think is right. We'll be here for you.
framing fowl
On a mission
Man, I just don't even know what to say, other than hugs and prayers.- Thread starter
- #966
Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2010
- Messages
- 14,993
- Reaction score
- 620
- Points
- 417
The thing is, I don't really want to leave him. When he's not drunk, and is being helpful, he's an OK guy. And, I know he loves me-in a way, but he also doesn't have a clue as to how he's supposed to act. He knows I'm moving all my animals to the farm, but I don't think it's dawned on him why. I have tried to get him to go to counseling, but he won't go. I have tried to get him to go and do things together, but if it doesn't involve alcohol, he won't go. I am going to be working as hard as I can to get this house and yard completely clean. I'll be having a yard sale or 2 to get rid of "junk". I'm going to finish my tack shed completely, and then I'm going to sit down and talk w/him. I will go and live in my tack shed for at least a week. And, he's going to have to make some decisions. I figure this should cover it.
1. He's going to have to get help for his alcoholism.
2. He's going to have to at the very least, complete the Love Dare. Either that, or counseling.
3. He's going to have to realize that animals are part of me. I'm willing to keep the goats, horses, Cindy and chickens at the farm. But, I want Rerun home, and I want a dog. I'm willing to keep them downstairs when he's home so he doesn't have to be bothered w/them. We don't sleep together (he snores too loud, and keeps me up!), our son's room was in the basement and I'm planning on getting all of his junk out of there, then setting that up as my bedroom. That way, I can spend more time w/the animals, but still spend time w/him if he chooses.
1. He's going to have to get help for his alcoholism.
2. He's going to have to at the very least, complete the Love Dare. Either that, or counseling.
3. He's going to have to realize that animals are part of me. I'm willing to keep the goats, horses, Cindy and chickens at the farm. But, I want Rerun home, and I want a dog. I'm willing to keep them downstairs when he's home so he doesn't have to be bothered w/them. We don't sleep together (he snores too loud, and keeps me up!), our son's room was in the basement and I'm planning on getting all of his junk out of there, then setting that up as my bedroom. That way, I can spend more time w/the animals, but still spend time w/him if he chooses.
Wannabefree
Little Miss Sunshine
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2010
- Messages
- 13,397
- Reaction score
- 712
- Points
- 417
Deb, I think you know we'll support you as best we can no matter the outcome. I hope he comes around though...it is sad how alcohol blinds people to the way they effect everyone else. I'll be praying for you both. He makes me so mad..but I'll pray for him anyway 
I hope you soon find peace hun
I hope you soon find peace hun - Thread starter
- #968
Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2010
- Messages
- 14,993
- Reaction score
- 620
- Points
- 417
Thanks. I'll take all the prayers I can get. I'll admit to feeling very confused at times. Sometimes I just don't know which way to turn.
In other news, today, I took out some staples in one section of fence I had previously put up. But, since I hadn't quite figured out the fence stretcher, the fence wasn't tight enough. Then, I put the fence stretcher on, put a chain over the bucket of the tractor, and hooked it to the stretcher. Then, I tried to figure out the best way to position the tractor to get the fence stretched. Well, I got it stretched, but also took out a post.
So, now I have to put up a new one. But, other than to the last post, that section of fence is done! 
Once that was done, I tried to figure out how to connect the next roll of fence to where we ended w/the one roll. I thought I had it all figured out, had it connected and everything. Then, I went and got the fence stretcher and tried to stretch the fence. Well, everything that I had just put together came apart.
Rather than try again since it took me so long to do all this, I just backed up the tractor enough until I was able to have the new section of fence overlap the old. I got that far, and had to stop. I had to pick up my OH at his mother's house. He had her car because he was doing some work to it, so he dropped it off on his way home from work.
I really didn't feel like doing more. It was hot (upper 90s!), I was tired, dirty and sweaty. But, I couldn't leave the fence like it was, plus RU needed her tractor back. So, I got a bite to eat, then went back to the farm. First thing I did was to cut off the few feet from the section that was already up. Then, I nailed the new fence to the same post the last section was nailed to. Then, I started up the tractor, and was able to stretch the fence. Only problem being, I had left the fence stretcher in the same spot. So, I wasn't able to stretch it the whole way. But, I got the fence stapled on to all of the posts but the last one.
I really didn't feel like moving the stretcher one last time. So I pulled it as tight as I could, then took an old rake handle, and used it to tighten the fence. It worked well! I was able to get to that last fence post! Then I cut the roll of, picked up everything, put it up by my tack shed and put the tractor away.
I had to feed some chickens, the cats and give animals hay. One of the chickens fell out of the pen and I had to chase that dumb thing around until I was able to catch it and put it back where it belongs. Then, I was able to head for home.
I've now had a shower, and am falling asleep. So, I'm going to hit the hay. See ya'll tomorrow.
Once that
In other news, today, I took out some staples in one section of fence I had previously put up. But, since I hadn't quite figured out the fence stretcher, the fence wasn't tight enough. Then, I put the fence stretcher on, put a chain over the bucket of the tractor, and hooked it to the stretcher. Then, I tried to figure out the best way to position the tractor to get the fence stretched. Well, I got it stretched, but also took out a post.
So, now I have to put up a new one. But, other than to the last post, that section of fence is done! Once that was done, I tried to figure out how to connect the next roll of fence to where we ended w/the one roll. I thought I had it all figured out, had it connected and everything. Then, I went and got the fence stretcher and tried to stretch the fence. Well, everything that I had just put together came apart.
Rather than try again since it took me so long to do all this, I just backed up the tractor enough until I was able to have the new section of fence overlap the old. I got that far, and had to stop. I had to pick up my OH at his mother's house. He had her car because he was doing some work to it, so he dropped it off on his way home from work.I really didn't feel like doing more. It was hot (upper 90s!), I was tired, dirty and sweaty. But, I couldn't leave the fence like it was, plus RU needed her tractor back. So, I got a bite to eat, then went back to the farm. First thing I did was to cut off the few feet from the section that was already up. Then, I nailed the new fence to the same post the last section was nailed to. Then, I started up the tractor, and was able to stretch the fence. Only problem being, I had left the fence stretcher in the same spot. So, I wasn't able to stretch it the whole way. But, I got the fence stapled on to all of the posts but the last one.
I really didn't feel like moving the stretcher one last time. So I pulled it as tight as I could, then took an old rake handle, and used it to tighten the fence. It worked well! I was able to get to that last fence post! Then I cut the roll of, picked up everything, put it up by my tack shed and put the tractor away.
I had to feed some chickens, the cats and give animals hay. One of the chickens fell out of the pen and I had to chase that dumb thing around until I was able to catch it and put it back where it belongs. Then, I was able to head for home.
I've now had a shower, and am falling asleep. So, I'm going to hit the hay. See ya'll tomorrow.
Once that
savingdogs
Queen Filksinger
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2009
- Messages
- 5,478
- Reaction score
- 5
- Points
- 221
Sounds like the alcoholism is the root of his problem. If he won't give it up, you should leave, hon. You deserve more happiness than this. Maybe you could live in the other room while you have the house up for sale. I'd sure like to hear that you have a happy ending for you out there somewhere.
You need to get yourself around some more positive/supportive folks in case your MD gets worse. Don't you have a girlfriend somewhere who needs a roommate?
You need to get yourself around some more positive/supportive folks in case your MD gets worse. Don't you have a girlfriend somewhere who needs a roommate?
- Thread starter
- #970
Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2010
- Messages
- 14,993
- Reaction score
- 620
- Points
- 417
Not anyone I'd care to live w/long term. And, I got to thinking about what I said today, about being confused. And, I realized that my response is typical of people in an abusive relationship. You're always hoping for a change, always hoping it's going to get better, so you stay. I now have a plan because I refuse to be caught in that trap. I don't think I ever really saw it clearly until today. But, it gives me a better appreciation for those in situations that are even worse than mine.
In other news, I basically got nothing that I'd planned on doing done today. According to my thermometer, it got up to 105 today! And, I had to mow at work for almost 3 hours. I got to the farm and found RU on the tractor trying to get 19 RBs unloaded from a couple of trailers. She had 8 off. I kicked her off and started doing it myself. She went in to get a drink. I got 3 done, then I had to stop. I was about ready to pass out, and my heart was racing. So, I went in her house and got a drink. Then, I got an apple, and then a sandwich. Then I went back out and got the rest off. We did put some of them out. The rest were stacked for winter (hopefully) hay.
Normally, when it's hot out, all I have to do is ride my bike just a little bit, and I feel cool. Not today. I wished I had taken my truck. I will be taking it when I go back out. I'm being paid to feed some horses, plus I have to go to TSC, the farm, and my parents house. Then I get to come home, get a nice cool shower and crash.
In other news, I basically got nothing that I'd planned on doing done today. According to my thermometer, it got up to 105 today! And, I had to mow at work for almost 3 hours. I got to the farm and found RU on the tractor trying to get 19 RBs unloaded from a couple of trailers. She had 8 off. I kicked her off and started doing it myself. She went in to get a drink. I got 3 done, then I had to stop. I was about ready to pass out, and my heart was racing. So, I went in her house and got a drink. Then, I got an apple, and then a sandwich. Then I went back out and got the rest off. We did put some of them out. The rest were stacked for winter (hopefully) hay.
Normally, when it's hot out, all I have to do is ride my bike just a little bit, and I feel cool. Not today. I wished I had taken my truck. I will be taking it when I go back out. I'm being paid to feed some horses, plus I have to go to TSC, the farm, and my parents house. Then I get to come home, get a nice cool shower and crash.
