Denim Deb Hay, hay, hay. Thank the Lord!

[Bettacreek]

I dated a guy like that. He wouldn't do CRAP that I needed him for. BUT, he wouldn't let me do it either. Part of that whole keeping his "manly" image and not letting a woman do "his man's work". What total bull. HOWEVER, on the other hand, George will do what I ask him, right away, and won't stop until it's done or the problem is fixed. Sounds great, right? Except when it's something minor and he ends up taking hours to fix it when in all reality, it's not THAT important, lol. I get fed up with it long before he does. Fortunately, when it's done, all I can do is adore him.

 

[Denim Deb]

If he has a project he's really interested in, he'll do it w/out stopping. Or, if he starts on something and it can't be left half done, he'll finish. But, he's great at starting projects and not finishing them. I had wanted to work on the run in this weekend, but since it was still really wet around it, I decided to wait a week. Next weekend, it's getting done-with or without him. I bought pea gravel 3 years ago to put on the floors. It used to be in a big pile in the field. Now, it's spread out and I'm going to have a horrible time getting it where it belongs. I have the wood for the lean to off my shed. It's been sitting under a tarp for 3 years. I have a feeling that at least some of the wood is no longer any good. And I worked hard and put in a lot of hours working on the horse farm to get the money for this. I probably wouldn't mind so much if I hadn't had the money tied up in this stuff.

He bought paint for the bathroom several years ago. It never got finished. We're using space heaters instead of baseboard heat in most rooms in the winter because it's either not in, or it was disconnected when we put the AC in. We got our house as a fixer upper 25 years ago. And, it's bothering me more and more that it's STILL a fixer upper. I'll NEVER get another fixer upper if I'm married to him. Because he doesn't carry thru w/stuff that he promises to do, it makes my life so much harder. Plus, then he starts to complain about stuff that I can't do a thing about because of the house.

He can retire in about 2 years. And if he does, I honestly don't know our marriage will survive. I know what he's like when he's off for more than a weekend, and he drives me nuts. Between the drinking, the making a mess, having the TV or radio (or both) blaring, and wanting me to stay home just because he's there might just be the final nail in the coffin.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I'm on my second marriage... First one lasted 23 years and I'm on year 12 with this one. Marriage is like a full-time job! My first hubbie was a 'do-er' and a good one. I still walk outside sometimes and think fondly of all the hard work he put into this place. He was a simple man and a good husband for a lot of years. Then he hit his mid-40's and the "what did I miss" syndrome started. Our divorce was nasty and lasted 3 years...

My second husband is very intelligent, has multiple degrees, lots of letters after his name, and makes a nice salary. But, he's a city boy, lol. He tries hard and will attempt just about anything I ask him to...but, dang I can't afford the hospital bills anymore when he tries a project!

But, I know how it feels to have a drinker for a spouse. Some folks can handle booze and some can't. And the ones who can't definitely can make life miserable for everyone they're around. My DH now is almost 4 years sober! Our marriage fell apart December 21, 2008. That's also the day he quit drinking. We went through at least a year of hell, but we came through stronger than ever. His sobriety is the only way this marriage survived. If his sobriety ends - the marriage ends too....

I feel for ya, Deb. Maybe, just maybe - retirement will be a good thing...

 

[Denim Deb]

That's one of the things that's so frustrating w/my hubby. He's good w/his hands and can do just about anything w/his hands. That was one of the things that attracted me to him. Plus, we had common interests. We both liked to fish, camp, canoe, etc. Now I couldn't tell you when the last time was that he did any of that. I basically do everything alone.

 

[BarredBuff]

Praying for you DD

 

[Denim Deb]

Thanks, Buffy, and everyone else. It helps.

 

[Icu4dzs]

OK, I get it, I wasn't privy to the issues with your DH. He appears to lack some motivation for the situation. That is clear. You on the other hand need to take action. He'll take it with you if you are serious.
I spent 2 + hours listening to this video. It was made by Alex Jones as an interview with a guy named Joel Skousen who wrote a book called, "Strategic Relocation" and this book is "RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY". For you right now, given the situation you describe and the current situation in the world, you would be very pleased to have this book. The video is at this link:

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=LcIJCOQWhiM&desktop_uri=/watch?v=LcIJCOQWhiM

This guy Skousen is a former marine fighter pilot, with a good number of carrier landings. He looks to be about my age on the video. I would highly recommend listening to what he has to say (Jones is a bit too self-serving on the interview) and get his book. His basic premise is that if you don't GET OUT before it is about to happen, you won't get out. Further, he is absolutely convinced that "IT" will be happening although he gives a different time-table than in DEC 2012 like the hype on the Mayan Calendar.

Skousen also has a blog and some sort of current event newsletter. He is apparently a nationally known expert on "secure architecture" and I am guessing that he is an architect. His work is very well researched and from what I could see during the video, very accurate.

You may end up having to do some things you would NOT ordinarily do because of this. Is DH on board with you on this? Find out. If he isn't you may have to do your own thing. That might end up being very hard on both of you and I don't encourage that but you have to make your own decision. If he won't get things done, and he isn't working, AND he is doing a lot of drinking, you are enabling him and that is bad for both of you (but I'm sure you already know that).

Take a look at that video and if you see the whole thing, you'll understand what I am saying. I am NOT going anywhere. I am WHERE I "went to" when I made the decision to "go". I left a LOT behind and have made a new life for myself where I feel safe and reasonably secure. Of course, DW told me she is NOT moving to SDAK because I live too far from Walmart! I have given up on that score. Walmart and her mother are more important than I am to her. I am where I am "going to be" when it happens, regardless of what happens or when.

You on the other hand aren't and are very upset about that.

As I said, it isn't an easy decision but sometimes you have to do what is right for you and if that isn't "right" for someone else, then you have to deal with that decision.

Now that I understand the situation, I see what you are dealing with. While I don't have an easy solution, I do understand your argument.

Saepe Expertus, Semper Fidelis, Fratres Aeterni
Trim sends
//BT//

 

[Bettacreek]

The one thing I did with Andy, the asshat I dated who wouldn't do anything that I needed him to do, is that I just forgot all about him. Forget he "exists" for a little bit, and do it yourself. Usually, that ruffled his feathers because he was the "man of the house" and it was his "job" and darned if he was going to let a woman show him up. THEN he'd get down to it and do the job. I of course, couldn't stand being around him when he did it though. I remember my soap molds. Very simple job, one 19" piece, two 18" pieces, two 5" pieces and four hinges. Pretty easy to measure, cut and assemble, right? NOT! He threw a fit because I didn't mark the sizes on the pieces, because I didn't want indentations or graphite because I didn't want that crap in the soap, plus I felt like it made it uglier, lol. Somewhat silly on my part, but the fact that he was such an idiot... It's a pretty simple construction, the long piece goes on the bottom, the two next longer pieces go on the long sides with the hinges and the two short pieces go on the short ends. Pretty much common sense, but he couldn't figure it out without having marked the lengths on the pieces of wood. Like, you can't look at it and figure out that the longest piece is the one that you cut at 19" and the two that are slightly shorter are 18"? It's not like you had a thousand pieces to try to remember, you only had three different sizes to work with and five pieces altogether. The reason I didn't just do it myself was because I had never used a circular saw. All of those saws make me nervous, because I've only ever used mechanical saws and was never taught how to use a chain saw, table saw or circular saw. He couldn't just sit back and help me learn either, it was "his job" that he refused to do until I said the heck with it and started gathering my stuff to do it myself. He was the same way with gutting a deer. I had never done one by myself before and his brother was teaching me (I still sorely miss his brother) and of course, Andy threw a fit, saying that I was moving too slow. His brother confided in me that I was doing a better job than he had ever seen his brother do, and he had no idea why he couldn't just let me do something, instead of trying to take over everything. I still feel like his brother and I would have made a much better pair. When I lived up there, the only time I really got to go out and do stuff was when his brother "forced" it. He'd take me trapping with him and would teach me different things and was so much more easy-going with me. We'd sit up half the night and just talk and got along great, until his brother (the guy I was dating) started putting a wedge between us. Our "relationship" (between the brother and I) was completely platonic, but I think that Andy was jealous that I got along with him so well and we didn't get along at all.

Ah, I ramble a lot, lol. Anyways, the best I can suggest is that you try to do it for yourself. I know even with me, that George sometimes has to start doing something to guilt me into finishing something. Like, laundry... I'll get behind on laundry, and won't feel like doing it, but once in awhile he'll come home, start doing laundry, and I feel guilty because I really should have done it, and then I get on it. When someone complains to me about doing something though, I tend to not do it. Not intentionally, it's not anything out of spite, but complaining to me about it just doesn't always work to get me motivated. Guilt is a much better motivator for me, lol.

 

[Denim Deb]

Right now, I'm hoping that the guilt will work on him on Saturday. If not, I'm doing these stalls myself. We could get a really bad winter. And if we do, I want to be able to shut the horses in if I have to. Plus, I need to get my hydrant in. I've found that the horses prefer drinking from the tank instead of the automatic waterer. But, it's a pain in the neck to fill it. And, if I have the hydrant in my field, if I need to, I can run a hose and fill water buckets in the stalls. (I just need to remember to drain the house so it doesn't freeze solid!)

We had another cloudy day today. It was supposed to get sunny, but other than for a couple of hours this afternoon, it never did. I had planned on taking the bike, but it was just too cold out. I got to the farm, and the horses were really feeling good. All of them-including the old man-were running around, jumping bucking and kicking. I was shocked when Stormy went up in the air, then while he was in the air was twisting his back end and kicking! I haven't seen him do that in years!

I've learned that even w/the new battery, the mower is hard to start in cold weather. If I can get it started and let it run a bit, I can start it back w/no problem. But if it's too cold, I have to jump it still. Right now, since my RB feeder is only half painted and will need another coat on it, I'm just putting the hay out in a pile. And of course, the horses will poop and pee in it. So, I'm working on raking up all the stuff that haven't eaten. First I'm picking up all the piles, then raking up what I can. Once I get the cart full, I go and dump it. But, I'm not adding it to Mt. Manure, it's being dumped in RU's biggest field. I just don't have room in my field for it.

I got some of my garden prepped for winter. I'm hoping to work some more on it tomorrow. And since we're eating home for Thanksgiving, I'll be doing a ton then. I'll also do as much firewood as I can.

I'm beat and am hoping to get to bed early tonight. I think I got enough done for the day. I also cleaned some of the house, did some dishes, washed a load of shirts and ironed them, so that should be enough.

 

[Denim Deb]

I didn't get much done today. I had my allergist's and chiropractor's appointments today, so that pretty much takes away my afternoon. But, I did get more of the bedroom cleaned. I got my field picked up again, and got some of the old hay picked up. I don't know if it's because it's been colder or what, but the horses are eating more of the hay. So, I've been putting more out. I did get the rest of the RB feeder painted. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll be able to give it its second coat. If I'm able to do that, then on Thursday, I can put it out and put it together!

Tomorrow I'm hoping to get more of the garden and wood done. I really need to get this done. I figure I have about a month if I'm lucky B4 the ground freezes, so I need the garden done. I'm sure I can get it done if I really work at it.