East vs. West ... and a little bit of bragging on my kid

[tortoise]

I have started leaning away from the American sugar-coating parenting and towards the Eastern style.

I have been working with my son (3 years old) on handwriting. At first it was "good try" you know the typical babying and not saying no type thing that goes over in schools now.

It's been a month and now I will sit there with him and circle his mistakes. He'll tell me if one is "bad" right away, and having the distinct difference between right and wrong gives him a huge sense of accomplishment. We count how many good letters he gets on a line, and he is so proud when the numbers go up as he practices! He gets to choose and circle the best one out of the line. He really likes that.

On the other hand, I will tell him distinctly and clearly when he is doing something wrong. I will correct him when he loses focus and his writing gets worse instead of better. I'll show him "This is the good one you did when you were paying attention. This is the bad one you just did because you are letting yourself get distracted. Look at the good one. Make your next one like the good one."

I want him to do HIS best. I'm truly shocked at how much his writing has improved. I did not think he was capable of doing this well! And bonus that he really likes it. My rule is he has to do two pages (front and back) before he can watch TV. But he asks if he can do writing almost everyday - regardless if TV is an option that day or not.



Check this out!! The day I found out that he could trace letters:

J's writing 12-15-2010 by tortoise11, on Flickr

Yesterday:

J's writing 1-16-2011 by tortoise11, on Flickr

J's writing 1-16-2011 by tortoise11, on Flickr

Is that not the coolest thing ever?!

This is the article that started me thinking about east vs. west more. http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/parenting-guru-are-western-mothers-inferior-2438270

What do you think?

 

[noobiechickenlady]

First off, I like your approach and I think you (And he!) are doing great

Amy verbally insulted her daughter, calling her lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.

That made me say "What?!?!" but then I did a little more reading and while it offends my mothering side to think of someone belittling a child like that, when I kept reading I found this:

I dont 100 percent agree with the way she does things, particularly the name calling said my sister, one of the gentlest mothers Ive ever known, But its a good reminder that in some ways we can be too soft with our children that in itself sends a message that your child is fragile, entitled. [If you push your children a bit, you send the message,] I think highly of you, of your potential.

I agree in that treating children as fragile little flowers leads to having fragile little princes & princesses when they grow up. Kids are tougher than they look.
We have had to discipline our kids to make them TRY. Sort of "Its your first time, I know you aren't going to get it 100% right, but each time you will get better. And there is NO WAY to get better if you don't try it."
But it's haaaaard is what we hear sometimes. Yeah? So? Everything is hard. Tying your shoes was hard until you learned how. Riding a bike was hard until you learned how. And how did you learn? By Trying! Do it! We hear the haaaarrd word a lot less these days.

 

[Wannabefree]

I have mothered my step daughters this way and according to the inlaws I'm an evil heffer for making them try things and telling them when they mess up it's not right. I have been saying coddling them all along is wrong.....FINALLY someone agrees!!!! .........and even has PROOF it works! Imagine that....just sayin I have stressed for years over whether I AM actually too hard on them, but they are smart, and I know their potential! I just want to see them shine!

I love this concept, and yes it really does work, and it really IS helpful when they know the correct way instead of any which way is correct. Coddling=confusion and lack of desire to be the best you that you can be.

Good job mom!!!!

 

[abifae]

Coddling is TERRIBLE parenting.

Not spanking kids enough is why my job sucks. I take inbound calls from cry babies who didn't pay and are mad we disconnected them. Coddled snots.

LOL!

 

[tortoise]

My mom was a piano teacher and would DRILL me for f.o.r.e.v.e.r. on piano. TEN times in a row perfectly. Do you have ANY idea how hard that is?! I would cry and have tantrums. I thought I was dying, lol.

Thanks Mom. I have mad piano skills, I learned a way to problem solve, learned how to memorize (!).

The verbal abuse is out-of-line, IMO! Being serious and consistent in other consequences works. Notice how that mom threatened consequences she couldn't/wouldn't enforce?

I read an article that was interviews with high school kids and their complaint was low expectations! Then I thought about my high school experience and yes, agreed.

I want my kid to grow up with problem solving skills, work ethic, and confidence that he can learn to do anything if he tries. The being-ahead-of-his-age and (future) good grades are just stops on the way to growing up into a good man.

Confidence is found in overcoming challenges, not in coddling!

 

[tortoise]

Coddling=confusion and lack of desire to be the best you that you can be.

What a good way to say that!

to you too!

 

[abifae]

Confidence is found in overcoming challenges, not in coddling!

THAT!!!

My pet peeve is the "there are no losers!" b.s. lately. Yes. There are. Losing should encourage you to do better next time. With nothing to gain, why try?

It's a give up mentality.

I LOVE to be challenged. I told my dance teacher to pick mightily. I wouldn't feel I got my moneys worth if he coddled me LOL.

 

[tortoise]

My pet peeve is the "there are no losers!" b.s. lately. Yes. There are. Losing should encourage you to do better next time. With nothing to gain, why try?

It's a give up mentality.

Yes! There are lots and lots of losers. Think about applying for a job - there often are HUNDREDS of losers. Kids have to learn to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and figure out how to win next time.

If at first you don't succeed, try try again... When is the last time you heard THAT?!

 

[Denim Deb]

While I agree that many western parents are too soft on their kids, I think it can also go the other way. I don't know now if I read this, or heard this, but I recall there is a higher rate of suicide in the countries where the kids are pushed that hard because not all of the children are able to meet their parents expectations. And, since they don't want to bring shame to their parents, they take their own lives.

Tortoise, good for your son w/his handwriting. My handwriting is terrible and I blame my 2nd grade teacher for that. My handwriting was no better and no worse than anyone elses in the class, but no matter how hard I tried, she always found fault w/it, never praised me for any improvement I made. It got to the point where I stopped trying. This was a teacher that I always had problems with. I don't know if any of the other kids in the class did, or if it was just me. But, she was there for only 1 year, so maybe they did.

 

[tortoise]

Deb - my exhusband has TERRIBLE handwriting on the level of a first or second grader. No one bothered to teach him HOW to write and what directions to make the lines to form letters. I had/as a significant effect on looking for jobs, working, and whether or not people respect him. He had a lot of problems at home and had some serious behavior problems in school which probably had a lot to do with the teachers' and his parents' neglect to teach him.

I went to a private school where handwriting was it's own class from 2nd to 8th grade. I can write several styles neatly and quickly.

Handwriting isn't taught in public schools now. Not even cursive writing. And now in college they can't write fast enough to take good notes. Hello The purpose of cursive writing is being able to write quickly! My point - it's something I will have to teach at home. Easier now rather than later!

I've read about suicide rates in children being high in Japan. I think the cause is when parents are trying to force kids to THEIR expectations, versus challenging kids to do their best. Acting in love versus acting in pride?

Does that make sense and do you agree?