Frugality vs. Kids

[poppycat]

I'm interested to know where peoples boundaries are when it comes to their kids and buying them stuff.

I was raised in an extremely frugal household, but in an affluent area. For example, my sister and I were the sixth and seventh user of all clothes we had (we were the youngest cousins.) And then we were teased mercilessly about our hand-me-downs by our classmates in their designer jeans.

Now I am trying to balance my own pennypinching ways with my kids wanting all the stuff that their friends have. And I'm having trouble putting it in perspective. My kids are good, normal kids; definitely not spoiled brats. I just wonder what's too much, what's not enough?

So what I want to know is where do YOU draw the line?

 

[the simple life]

I have always made sure that my kids have the clothes that make them feel good about themselves in. I don't want them to be embarrassed by their clothing, and they have never taken advantage of this and gone crazy over clothes.Its important for kids to have self confidence and if they are ashamed of their clothing it affects that. I don't meant they should have $200.00 jeans though.

What I do pay for
I provide for them
pay for all sports
any lessons they are into
camp
driver's ed
educational costs.

What I do not pay for
cell phones
cars
concert tickets
ipods or any kind of electronics or toys unless its for their birthdays or christmas.

I don't buy all the frivolous luxuries but I prefer to spend that kind of money on camping trips and various day trips to spend time and make memories as a family.

I also never gave them an allowance, they got money when they needed it if I deemed fit. But I expect them to contribute to this household by doing chores because they live here.
No one pays me for all the work I do here.
They all got jobs at 15 and have not been jobless since.
Some of my children are now adults and I think they are responsible and understand what is a basic need and what is really just a luxury.
They are not into immediate gratification and really don't seem to care all that much about the toys that other people have.
Many times a child will ask for an expensive item that they just cannot live without if they want you to buy it, but if its their money we are talking about then suddenly they don't think they are really sure they want it anymore.
They really think twice about spending their own money.
Okay, well thats what we around here. Hope it helps.

 

[Beekissed]

I do what I can afford and my kids understand, for the most part. Sometimes they want more, but what kid doesn't? If I could afford more, would I buy it, just to keep my kids popular, or in?

I guess it depends...

I've always drawn the line when their need to conform is bordering on the ridiculous. Its really not necessary to have a cell phone as a teenager, all the people you want to call are in school with you.

Not necessary to wear pants with the crotch to your knees, not only is it dangerous if one has to run in an emergency, it copies a way of dress popularized by "gangsters" and nothing I want my kids to be affiliated with.

Not necessary to have a car unless you can afford to support at least half the expenses with an after school job....for which you would actually NEED a car.

When a child's wants become their prime focus, for whatever the reason, I sit and discuss the origin of their desire. Is it to fit in? Do you really want to have friends who are so shallow that they shun you if you don't own, or fashion, what they fashion?
Are you embarassed because you equate material things with self-worth?

Its hard for me to give in to conformity, because, as a teenager, I was proud of being an individual and didn't feel the need to "fit in" and it served me well. We were even more "disadvantaged" than the OP and some of my siblings were embarassed. I never was. I was bright, witty and presentable, no matter what I wore. I walked my own path and was quite popular in school, so its hard for me to relate. I've always seen it as a weakness to want to be like everyone else. I've always valued my independence, so I probably wasn't the best of parents when it cames to whims of fashion and status.

My kids seem happier than most teens....I get so many compliments on their cheerfulness, politeness and good nature. It has seemed to affect them very little that I could not afford to indulge their whims.....my parents couldn't, and I grew so much stronger than my peers. I am much more content and at peace than most folks my age. Maybe its wrong to fulfill all expectations....what will they have to look forward to?

I think you'll get a lot of different answers on this one!

 

[Better Half]

OK, I have no kids of mine own but I have a stepson that just turned 17 last week. I may feel differently if I made him but this is what I do.

I have a set amount of what I think is reasonable amount to spend on clothes and stuff. It's his to spend as he see fit. If he wants to spend it all at once that's his choice. I pay for his cell phone as part of the family plan so the cost is minimal. If he wanted an Iphone he would pay the difference. I feel this teaches him how to budget and he's happy that he has some control over his life. This is what my parents did for me. In 10th grade I spent my entire back to school allowance on a leather jacket. My parents didn't give me any grief about it and I was very happy. Wearing the same pair of jeans and shoes all the time was worth that jacket.

I take the kid grocery shopping with me to teach him how to shop. He used to hate it but now he doesn't mind. Last time I asked him if he wanted anything in particular for dinner. He said steak. So I took him to the meat counter, asked him how much he would make if he had a job. Showed him that a piece of meat costs more than an hours wage. Then he said he wanted oatmeal.

Bus pass yes, car no.

 

[love blrw]

I let my kids know how much money we have to spend, what store we are going to, and what has to be bought, such as, "today we are going to Burlington Coat factory and you need three pairs of jeans,a few long sleeve shirts, some socks and underware. I have $100. So my daughter will pile her "likes" into the cart, then she will try them on to see if we are both pleased with the fit, then we will count what she has spent. It works well. Sometimes she has to choose to put something back sometimes she can pick up something extra.
If we see something like a swimsuit that is on sale that is a very good deal we may put it on hold or scrounge around for extra money (I have no qualms about handing a cashier a handful of quarters).
We check thrift stores for nice jackets, designer dresses, and suits. I try to buy them if they fit and we have the money, I figure it will save her a good deal of money later. She is probably her adult height so I figure the classics that I buy her now may get her through college. I try to stay away from clothes that are out of fashion soon, stick with basics.
Now that she is working she buys more of her own clothes and I love to hear her tell her friends, oh I got such a deal on this.
lin

 

[CityChook]

I shop for my kids on ebay and in resale and consignment shops. Good quality clothing that is well cared for holds up well and can always be worn by more than one kid. My youngest is often the 4-5th kid to wear an item. It's how I can afford to dress my kids in name brand clothing. And I know that they have never been teased for wearing hand-me-downs.

Back to school is a little different. Everyone wants new clothes at school time. In August, I plan a day alone with each child and she picks out ONE complete outfit of her choosing, shoes included, retail. It's the only time we step foot into a mall. We enjoy shopping together and spending one on one time. However, I am usually aghast at how much most clothing costs NEW and still stunned at the poor quality that I consistently see in retail clothing.

 

[smithx9]

Hello,

With 7 kids in a family, it certainly would not do to buy each kid everything that they wanted...in fact...often they do NOT get what they want. But they do get their needs met. We often wear designer clothes, Hilfiger, Liz Clayborn, Polo, etc....but I do NOT buy them at the stores....I do shop at the Good Will, Salvation Army, and othe such thrift stores. Many times you can even find clothes with the tags still on!

We do not have computer games, we do buy movies...again not at retail, but yard sales, etc.

My kids have learned to SHOP! We make our dollars streach until George Washington's eyes slant....But we have fun doing it.

If they want something that I am unwilling to pay for...that I don't think they need, I tell them to pray about it and If God wants them to have it, he will make a way for them to get it...If they dont get it, then they know it was not God's will....usually they realize that they did not really want that....whatever....anyway.

Smithx9

 

[me&thegals]

Ditto to TSL and Beekissed. I grew up with very little according to most standards but absolutely plenty by world standards. No designer clothing for sure.

My kids have even less because of my lifestyle values. They have very nice clothing, but it is all hand-me-down or secondhand store. Maybe someday they will care and I will have $ saved up for them

They have very few toys compared to a lot of kids, but they use their brains and imaginations to make a game out of ANYthing! It makes me so proud of them I think a lot of today's toys take away the need for kids to think and be creative.

Like TSL, I would rather give my kids great memories of family outings together (biking, hiking, swimming, nothing crazy expensive) than lots of stuff.

We went to our local fair recently and blew $50 in no time flat. I was so disgusted with myself, but it was a good learning chance. It made me proud to see my kids understand how spending money does not necessarily make life more enjoyable. We would have had WAY more fun watching the chickens or taking a walk in the woods

 

[FarmerChick]

I have one daughter, 3 year old, and right now her key words are "I want a toy"
LOL
So I might or might not pick up a $3 toy for her....certainly never the $49 toy she points at.

I grew up with alot. My parents gave us most anything we wanted in some version. It was never the best but if we wanted it we usually got it, some exceptions of course.

So for my daughter she will MOSTLY get what she wants. She will learn her values and such about money not growing on trees, learn to say, hmm..do I want this or that cause I can't have both, etc.

I am frugal so she will pick up on this I am sure. I will teach ways to save money etc.

I don't want her doing without basic things kids find important today, but I never want that to become so important it runs the life.

So I have alot of teaching to do...HA HA

But owning a farm, she has all the animals, room to run, she already works the barn with Daddy etc., so I think all in all she will have a wonderful childhood. Basically just keeping it all in portion to reality.

So I have a long way to go....

 

[Woodland Woman]

I like to have my children (10 and 12) earn money for what they want. My dh gives them $2 a week allowance and I let them earn $2 to $5 a week. They do have chores that are required because they are part of the family. They are also required to put 1/2 of all money they receive into savings and are allowed to buy 1 toy a month. They also must be responsible and make sure they have enough money for small birthday presents for family. Once one of them didn't have enough money for a toy and I let her borrow some. She had to pay it back with a small amount of interest. It hasn't happened again.

For clothing I shop clearance and garage sales. I am able to find nice stylish clothing that my children like. I don't ever remember paying full retail price.

If we go to a fair we might let them go on a couple rides. We never spend a lot of money on outings but they aren't deprived either.

I have a grown dd I raised th same way and she still is very frugal shopping clearance racks. By the time she graduated from college (first 2 years at a jr. college we payed for and second 2 she payed for with money she worked for and saved up) she was financially able to purchase a house. I see a lot of her friends that still can't manage money and have nothing unless their parents buy it for them.

I think it is character building for children to learn to work for what they want.