Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[NH Homesteader]

Oh I'm glad you have them with you, but that's awful their house is in such poor shape. My step-grandfather had everyone waiting on him hand and foot, and when his wife died and wasn't there to do it he had a rough time. He did have a lift chair but due to old injuries (too many years logging with draft horses!) he wasn't able to dress himself. He refused to do PT... Is why he was so immobile. My stepdad or his brother had to go dress him every day. I thought it was so sad, he refused to have a home health aid come in. I'm glad they acknowledge they need help, and I hope you're able to help them find a way to live independently. For now, I'm glad they're comfortable as they can be in their makeshift bedroom!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

HUGE UGH FACTOR - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!​

Rough night - and right now I feel like the worst daughter in the world. I had no idea what my mom has been dealing with. I stayed downstairs last night. Dad got up at 10:30p, 11:30p, 2:30a and 6:30a. Each and every time mom had to pull him out of bed and walked him to the bathroom. The 6:30 trip had a little more "solid" problem, and unfortunately it wasn't solid enough. He didn't make it out of the bed before soiling himself and the sheets. I'm so not impressed with Depends. I will be buying some disposable bed pads today.

Mom didn't even notice the mess...and when he was off the toilet she didn't see that mess either. I gave her a new package of baby wipes to clean him up and she used almost half. He didn't even make it all the way back to the bed without having to sit down in one of the dining room chairs. Thankfully, I was able to get a towel on it before he landed... ugh. Used the other half of the baby wipes cleaning him even more.

Sheets are in the washer - glad I got a really good, thick, waterproof mattress protector. I don't know how my mom has kept this schedule up. She is not a big strong person herself. She's had both hips replaced and a shoulder. Her arms and shoulders are hurting from pulling up on him. No way they can ever live alone again at this point. Just not gonna happen.

I got one of the portable, battery operated doorbells. I gave mom the door bell buzzer button ( the art that would be by your outside door for visitors to push). I kept the other part. If mom needed me, and I was upstairs or in the basement or outside, all she had to do was push the button. Test to see how far you can go, but it helped me with several elderly clients too. I hope it works for you. They're quite cheap (under $10)

What an awesome idea!

I have given assisted living some thought already. Unfortunately AL usually is self-pay....at least the ones I checked into about a year ago when mom was ill. I want to give this some time and see if things improve after they settle in for a couple weeks. Dad is certainly getting more exercise walking to the bathroom. It's not as close as it was in their house. Maybe that and some decent food will help. I just dunno....

 

[milkmansdaughter]

I thought you got a commode? That works great for nighttime, and is much shorter to walk. Then encourage the real bathroom for daytime. Exercise really helps. The lift chairs are nice but they tend to be a disadvantage because the person is no longer using those muscles.ill write more later. Trade day.

 

[NH Homesteader]

Oh no, I'm sorry. They are lucky to have you. I hope you're able to find a place to help them.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I thought you got a commode?

Ordered it....waiting for delivery. No place close to buy one - and all roads/stores were closed anyway. Was hoping it would get here about the time the water went down. I need to check my email to see if it's even been shipped. If not - I think I can pick one up at Academy today and cancel the order.

ON a brighter note! We are getting a cool front later this week and we should have an overnight low of 59 Thursday/Friday! Woohoo! That's about 3 weeks earlier than usual for these parts.

 

[tortoise]

It's amazing [horrifying] how quickly the body deconditions with bedrest - at any age.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I think part of his issue is that he's gained about 10 lbs...harder on him and harder on mom trying to get him up.

I got to town this morning and picked up some clothes for both of them. My dad didn't even have a pair of shoes - he left his house barefoot and came to my house 5 days later still barefoot. I got him a pair of cushy, comfortable slip-ons.

Can't wait for our cool front! It might even make me think about a fall garden. Maybe...

 

[baymule]

I kept my mom for 2 years. I couldn't leave her alone at all. No quick runs to the grocery store, no leaving her in the car while I ran in real quick. I took her with me when I went to feed my horses, I had to walk down our "road" to the portable building that served as feed/hay/tack. She was not able to walk that rock and gumbo clay road, so I had to leave her in the car. Sometimes she would be out of the car before I could get back to her. I was a lousy horse mama..... And I got up with her at night....I was exhausted.

When we bought this place, I couldn't leave her at home and I sure couldn't drag her back and forth with me, so I had to make the decision for assisted living.

I think you have some hard decisions to make coming up. It won't be easy, no matter what you do.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I think you have some hard decisions to make coming up. It won't be easy, no matter what you do.

No doubt... no doubt.

But, I can say that today was better than yesterday. Yesterday they were exhausted. They had been moved three times in 5 days and they didn't really understand why. I'm sure I've mentioned it - but my dad suffers from profound hearing loss. So, I wrote it out for him today.

"Your house has been flooded by a hurricane."

He held that paper for awhile...read it...re-read it...then he GOT it. He was like "we might be here for 6 months." Yep - dad - you might. He asked about his truck. He asked if my brother was taking care of getting the house fixed. He finally understood why he'd been uprooted.

He was physically stronger today. I didn't rush to pull him out of a chair at any point. I let him try first. Several times today he got up from the toilet by himself - and right before bed he got up from the love seat by himself. AND - he stayed awake ALLLL day. That is something he hasn't been doing at home. I think the interaction with other people is a big boost for him. He's always been the more social one. Mom could be a recluse and be happy about it. But, she is opening up more too.

I'm not going to make any decisions until they've had a few weeks to recover from the shell-shock. I just know that mom will need help if they ever get back home - no compromises there.

Had planned to stop milking through all of this. In fact I skipped a day. But, I couldn't stand it. That's part of MY routine so I picked it back up. Only getting a half-gallon a day now. This has been stressful for the goats too - and skipping a day was rough on them too. They've been lactating around 6 months now so there's not much wiggle room.

 

[Mini Horses]

You are going to need more of this

I did 5 yrs of this duty. At first, workable and progressed to a restructuring of my entire life, with less and less ability for mom physically or emotionally (altzhimers & heart & frailities). I get it !! It's your parents. Just know, up front, that the AL will be needed. You cannot do this long term because it is not just a little help.!! It is 24/7. You need to be in contact with your own needs & health. I don't say this to be uncaring -- quite the opposite! So check out the $$$ end now. It will end with all their $$ used, then Medicaid picks up. Mine never got to the Medicaid but was very. very close, as her monthly income & proceeds from house were gone. She passed peacefully & I struggled with funeral bills!!! And they were just the necessity type, no big send off. Check that out and prepay with any insurance or house funds. Hope someone has Power of Attorney for both of them.

Back to "now" ....I'm sure Bay & I could BOTH tell you more than you want to know. TMI for sure but YES...it's only doable short term. You must get that mindset now. You must. If not, one day you will be sucked in beyond doable and say "how did this happen?"

I am so sorry. Yes, on visits and the phone, they seem so, "ok" . But, if you spend 48 hrs with them, you begin to see the real life issues. You are doing that now!! It is not a failing on your part to not have see it sooner -- this has happened gradually for them and they adapt to what becomes non workable before we discover it has become such. Which is what happens TO US as we try to assist. Look for AL because they have crews to do shifts for that 24/7 -- not just YOU. been there listen to me & plan while you can

Hopefully things will improve for a while until you can get a plan in place. This is not what you needed with the storm & all else but, life takes wrong turns.