getting very frustrated looking for a dog to adopt

[patandchickens]

Posting because you guys are just GREAT at moral support (as witness me now having five sheep <g>) and I am getting really really really really frustrated. Warning: thread contains no asploding-canner stories whatsoever LOL

DH has always lived with dogs, and I would like one too, but he is sort of a procrastinative blob and I wasn't going to push it while the kids were small since *I* will be the one doing virtually all the dog maintenance/cleanup/training. But now I think we are ready to gracefully add a dog to the household.

So I've been scouring Petfinder and local ads for the past, I dunno, 3 weeks or so. We need something medium-sized, preferably lab-mix-lookin', and it HAS to be really nonaggressive and good with kids and cats... which of course is a pretty adoptable type dog so there are not so many out there. Then any candidate I find has to be wrangled about with DH for hours and hours (he likes to take ten minutes or so to respond to a question in a conversation, and doesn't volunteer info or opinions...), and then gets vetoed for reasons like "I would prefer not to get a poodley looking dog".

We HAVE found a couple of real possibilities. Several were already adopted or adoption-pending. Another dog I submitted an application for, got a 'receipt of application' email from, and it has been silence now for a week. And we went to see several others, all at one larger rescue in the area, but the woman running it is a TOTAL RAVING LUNATIC and I just cannot believe anything she says and it is impossible to deal with her. REally really, she is quite the piece of work.

I suppose I should have started this a month or so sooner, and/or be more patient. I *am* ok in principle with DH wanting a medium-large lab-type dog (specifically), since most of the other animals here are by MY choice not his so I guess it is only fair that a dog, which he especially cares about, be squarely to HIS tastes. It's just that he is being so PICKY about it. You can't tell me he wouldn't love a heinz-57 mutt just as much as anything else, after the first few weeks. But no, everything has to match his prejudices about looks and not-a-junky-hillbilly-lookin-dog and all that.

(example: regarding a dog we were seriously considering [but was probably too high energy and untested with cats, and then that woman went totally off the rails and we gave up], a small yellow-lab mix, he was concerned that the dog was paler in color than one would ideally want for a 'proper' yellow lab. nevermind that it WASN'T a show lab, it is just a very lab-type *mix*. We are not pursuing getting a purebred lab, which he seems totally ok with, for a whole suite of practical reasons btw, including money and a smallish house and concern about food and vet bills for that size/type dog. So if we are getting a mixed-breed, who CARES exactly what shade its paint job is. Argh.)

I know, a dog that suits our kid-and-cat-etc needs AND matches his preconceptions will show up EVENTUALLY. Possibly by way of DH eventually realizing that you can't look for imaginary dogs but have to select from what is actually out there (I am totally sure he DOES want a dog, mind you.) It's just that this is sucking back an awful lot of my time and energy and it is just AAAAGRAVATING!!!

</vent>



Thank you for listening, feel free to whop me upside the head and tell me to get a life,

Pat

 

[curly_kate]

This is funny because DH & I are going through the EXACT same thing! He HATES the thought of spending money on a dog, but then has decided at different occasions that we HAVE to get a yellow lab, newfoundland, bouvier de flandres, etc. When I point out that they are going to cost a lot more than a pound dog, he says that we'll go to a rescue. So I looked up "lab rescue" and they want $200-300 for an adult!!

So I sympathize!

 

[mamakate]

Getting a new dog is so exciting! How about letting him do the selection process? Sounds like you would be happy with any loving dog.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

Sounds to me like you are nearing the asploding stage. Good idea to vent a little.

As much as I personally try to respect my husband's opinion on bringing new animals into the household (or similar situations), there are times when I feel I have to take charge and run with "good enough" or risk it never getting done.

Sometimes I find it helpful to research topics, in order to take the edge off of waiting . . . so have you read up on dog training already? My guess is you have. So that is your problem right there . . . . . . nothing to distract yourself with. (I guess this is the part where I should say "get a life" and find something to can).

That is all the rational and practical advice I have, which probably doesn't make you feel much better. So . . . .

I hope the perfect dog comes along soon!

 

[patandchickens]

Getting a new dog is so exciting!

Yup! REally I suppose you may have put your finger on why I am SO frustrated and grumpy about this -- I am really *excited* about the prospect of getting a dog, and I want to just GET it already, you know? LOL

How about letting him do the selection process?

If only. Things don't work that way here. He doesn't "do" things like that. <shrug, sigh>

I'm fine with the adoption fee thing. And of course it sure beats what purebred pups are going for these days, gee whiz! (or even nonpurebred, but we-have-to-pay-for-vetting-and-neutering, pups)

I just want a dog. We've waited all these years and now we can actually GET one. Is that so complicated, is that so much to ask? Sigh.

Thanks ,

Pat

 

[patandchickens]

so have you read up on dog training already? My guess is you have. So that is your problem right there . . . . . . nothing to distract yourself with. (I guess this is the part where I should say "get a life" and find something to can).

LOL. Yes

It's been near 90 F *in the house* all week though, so no canning for me! Today it is actually nice out, but there is nothing TO can, unless I go slog around in fresh mud at a pick-your-own strawberry place and make more jam.

I need to be putting up *fencing*, is what I need to be doing! Tomorrow, when heat and rain are over.

Attempting to get a life but it is an uphill battle ,

Pat

 

[elijahboy]

go to the pound and pick a dog by its personality and not its pedigreei would love a german shepard but not willing to pay the price

 

[Blackbird]

I agree with Kate.

If he really wants a dog I'm sure he'll find a way to get one. Let HIM do the work, at least this part of it... Since it sounds like you'll be stuck taking care of it for a majority of the time anyway.

Meanwhile, as a form of motivation, tell him about an adorable little sheep that you just found online that you're thinking of buying! Besides, you can make more of a profit on a sheeple.

 

[SKR8PN]

Be aware that getting a pound dog or a rescue dog, that they WILL come with baggage. Some of that baggage may not show up right away. Some rescue dogs work out great, as is the case with our Shirley Ann, but I have found from past experiences that isn't always the case. Having said that, tell your hubby to stop being so darn picky about color, and just accept the dog for what it is. He wouldn't throw away one of your kids if their hair was little to white would he?

 

[patandchickens]

I know what you're saying, guys, and believe me I agree with you in most cases, but maybe you would have to know my husband to understand why it doesn't apply here. He *doesn't* do things. I can't think of anything, in 7 yrs of marriage plus a year and a half of dating prior to that, that he has gone after on his own and gotten/done. If someone doesn't do it FOR him, he just clocks along without. (He lived with his parents til we were married). (edited to add: well, actually he spontaneously bought a pair of shoes to replace his extremely-rotted-out ones, once. Once.)

Judge, don't judge, whatever -- believe me I have thoughts on the subject too -- but it's the way it IS, at this point, and not going to change for a dog or for anything else. I don't know what'd happen if he was left with *nobody* to do things for him; I suspect he would not do well. But you know, basically, here I am, this is the way things ARE, and I just pretty much have to live with the situation.

Believe me I have thought about just coming home one day with a dog and saying 'look, we got a dog!' but adoption groups pretty uniformly require ALL family members to meet the animal first

(e.t.a -- the reason I'm looking at adoption/rescue groups, not animal shelters per se, is that we really really need a dog without surprise aggression issues and that is GOOD with kids/cats, and you just can't tell that real well in a shelter environment; whereas a dog that has been fostered a while, you can, to a reasonable degree. I know there will always be issues to deal with, I'm fine with that, just want to do what I can to head off forseeable problems, does that make sense?)

Pat