Beekissed
Mountain Sage
How old is this person, if you don't mind my asking?
Have any of you ever been asked to take control of someone's finances?
- Thread starter rhoda_bruce
- Start date
hqueen13
<Insert Snazzy Title Here
Best of luck, I hate to say that I think you're going to need it...
- Thread starter
- #13
rhoda_bruce
Almost Self-Reliant
67 years old. Age is hardly the problem, but I will take advantage of her age to fix what little I can. My own mother is that age, but she does for herself. My grandfather is 93 and tends to himself. The problem is really lack of self-control, lack of business knowledge, multiplle addictions.......none of which are illegal, self-pity. Basically everything. I'll have the majority of the problems fixed probably within 2 months, but I'll still have her; just have to be the strong one, is all. I'm good....its just always having to be on my guard with her, rather than just enjoy a good relationship.......hmmm. God can fix anything.
It seems like I have been given trouble, which really I have, but I think in the long run, it will be less trouble for everyone, if I tend to the bull now.
It seems like I have been given trouble, which really I have, but I think in the long run, it will be less trouble for everyone, if I tend to the bull now.
Beekissed said:
It is tough to take control of someone else's finances...and it's REALLY tough to surrender that control. I understand that you have her long term best interests at heart, but please don't forget that she's had a lifetime of living with instant gratification. A lot of compassion and a little indulgence on occasion will really help her, not only get through this, but possibly learn from it.
From personal experience, it's sometimes too easy to dish out the medicine, but forget that a spoonful of sugar helps it go down better!
And congrats on doing the hard(right) stuff for her!
From personal experience, it's sometimes too easy to dish out the medicine, but forget that a spoonful of sugar helps it go down better!
And congrats on doing the hard(right) stuff for her!
- Thread starter
- #15
rhoda_bruce
Almost Self-Reliant
Thanks. We had a good conversation today about some of the problems I'm fixing. I told her not to worry because things are going to happen fast. She told me she wants cable tv....we can fix that. She will have a better life real fast. She wants dental work and glasses ......she has been needing these things and now she gives me a deadline.....she didn't give herself deadlines, but I was Okay today. Just told her not to worry and watch and see what will happen.
She got paid today and I got mine and her taxes done today. She is getting 1,500 back total federal/state, but she don't know. I didn't see any reason to tell her because it will only burn a hole in her pockets and with me not giving it to her, it would only be torture. I'm going to clean house real quick when that and her pension comes in.
She needs a new hobby. Honestly the things she had been spending money on, will only lead to trouble.
She got paid today and I got mine and her taxes done today. She is getting 1,500 back total federal/state, but she don't know. I didn't see any reason to tell her because it will only burn a hole in her pockets and with me not giving it to her, it would only be torture. I'm going to clean house real quick when that and her pension comes in.
She needs a new hobby. Honestly the things she had been spending money on, will only lead to trouble.
- Thread starter
- #16
rhoda_bruce
Almost Self-Reliant
Venting time......Mission was accomplished with great success and not a minute too late. My little person is debt free and has a small nest egg in the bank. It took me about 4 months total to get her free and clear and then she began with health issues, which prohibited her from working ever again, so she will be getting disability until November and then will only have SS checks..........sooooo Let me tell ya'll a little about this past week:
I was working out in my garden, after using our chipper/shreaded for the first time on our hurricane debris and I heard a man's voice in my yard. It was a police officer. Well my person wants her truck back, but its her oldest son who has the truck, not me. Officer wanted to speak also to DH, although he had just had a heart attack last month, so I advised him to be very calm speaking to him....oldest son came over and we learned she had locked him in the trailer with her and he thought she was disturbed......so police called an ambulance over to bring her to the hospital for eval........she was put in a behavior unit and doesn't want to see me, or most of her kids. Now I learn that her youngest is planning on getting her check.....which one of the older brothers asked if "Thats why you want Momma??? For a check..."
So now I am just waiting to see what will happen. If her check is deposited on the 10th and I find out she is out of the hospital and at her youngest's house, I will send him a check in his name for 600 for her share of the household expenses and keep the rest for her meds, insurances, bills and emergencies. I think that is more than fair. He has said he will be taking away my power of attorney. I can't see how. Seems like first he needs to find fault with me and prove he can do it better. One way or the other, I did a good job for her, got her outta debt, saved her money, made sure she had everything she needed......whatever.
Not sure I will fight this, if it costs me, but I won't just hand it over because all the other relatives don't want me to. They know I have done good and that 'things' are being tended to. This is an ugly thing to happen in a family.
I was working out in my garden, after using our chipper/shreaded for the first time on our hurricane debris and I heard a man's voice in my yard. It was a police officer. Well my person wants her truck back, but its her oldest son who has the truck, not me. Officer wanted to speak also to DH, although he had just had a heart attack last month, so I advised him to be very calm speaking to him....oldest son came over and we learned she had locked him in the trailer with her and he thought she was disturbed......so police called an ambulance over to bring her to the hospital for eval........she was put in a behavior unit and doesn't want to see me, or most of her kids. Now I learn that her youngest is planning on getting her check.....which one of the older brothers asked if "Thats why you want Momma??? For a check..."
So now I am just waiting to see what will happen. If her check is deposited on the 10th and I find out she is out of the hospital and at her youngest's house, I will send him a check in his name for 600 for her share of the household expenses and keep the rest for her meds, insurances, bills and emergencies. I think that is more than fair. He has said he will be taking away my power of attorney. I can't see how. Seems like first he needs to find fault with me and prove he can do it better. One way or the other, I did a good job for her, got her outta debt, saved her money, made sure she had everything she needed......whatever.
Not sure I will fight this, if it costs me, but I won't just hand it over because all the other relatives don't want me to. They know I have done good and that 'things' are being tended to. This is an ugly thing to happen in a family.
mississippifarmboy
Power Conserver
Not much I can say but... 
You have done a great job. I've been there and with much the same results in the end. In my case even though the person is now gone, the problems are still there due to his estate, taxes, probate, and so on. Sometimes I wish he'd never gave me POA or left his affairs in my hands.
I hope that it all works out for you. It sounds like you've done a wonderful job in a very short time.
You have done a great job. I've been there and with much the same results in the end. In my case even though the person is now gone, the problems are still there due to his estate, taxes, probate, and so on. Sometimes I wish he'd never gave me POA or left his affairs in my hands.
I hope that it all works out for you. It sounds like you've done a wonderful job in a very short time.
baymule
Sustainability Master
This sounds like a train wreck about to happen. Family greed is so sad, especially when one is trying so hard to do the right thing. God bless you.
- Thread starter
- #19
rhoda_bruce
Almost Self-Reliant
My POA was financial only and didn't take away her rights....its just that neither of us knew about that. I have recently found out she can do whatever she wants. I'm just hoping no one tells her that. If she goes on believing I am all powerful, she won't destroy what I have accomplished.
Well today, she reported her oldest son for stealing her truck, but the police knew better. But her youngest took the truck for her. I believe she is with him now and out of the hospital. Family fued here in the bayou lands....Cajun style.
Well today, she reported her oldest son for stealing her truck, but the police knew better. But her youngest took the truck for her. I believe she is with him now and out of the hospital. Family fued here in the bayou lands....Cajun style.
- Thread starter
- #20
rhoda_bruce
Almost Self-Reliant
I think you responded to the wrong thread.
Anyway, its all over. I'm finished. I did a good job and she left me in a better way than she came to me....much better. I'm not going to do anything financial for her again. If she gets in trouble, she will have to pay the price. Other relatives were in with me with decision to put enough aside for her final expenses, so thats picked up, but whatever she does with her life, is her concern. I won't even get her out of jail if she gets arrested for writting rubber checks. If you can't be a good example for others, you might be useful as a dire warning.
Anyway, its all over. I'm finished. I did a good job and she left me in a better way than she came to me....much better. I'm not going to do anything financial for her again. If she gets in trouble, she will have to pay the price. Other relatives were in with me with decision to put enough aside for her final expenses, so thats picked up, but whatever she does with her life, is her concern. I won't even get her out of jail if she gets arrested for writting rubber checks. If you can't be a good example for others, you might be useful as a dire warning.
