Homemakers- journal of wild domesticity-Demesne

Homemaker

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Today I remembered Demesne.

"Demesne- (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
In the feudal system the demesne ( /dɨˈmeɪn/ de-main; from Old French demeine ultimately from Latin dominus, "lord, master of a household")[1] was all the land, not necessarily all contiguous to the manor house, which was retained by a lord of the manor for his own use and support, under his own management, as distinguished from land sub-enfeoffed by him to others as sub-tenants. The system of manorial land tenure, broadly termed feudalism, was conceived in Western Europe, initially in France but exported to areas affected by Norman expansion during the Middle Ages, for example the Kingdoms of Sicily, Scotland, Jerusalem, and England."

The first time I heard that word I remember sitting at my computer, in my old place. It was a converted garage. Most likely some guys weekend project. The kind of building they call a "mother in law" house. It stood behind our landlords place and my husband and I rented it for $550 a month. It was cold, and it cost a fortune to heat, even though it was as small as an apartment. There were very few windows and they either looked out onto the alley or we had them covered with blankets to keep the heat in. We called it the crap shack.
I sat there in someone else's room. Looking at my computer screen and dreaming of a house of our own. I liked that word. Demesne. I didn't know how to pronounce it and I still don't. I never said it out loud, it just sat there with me for awhile. And, there it stuck. Looking at the definition now I realize I must have put more into that word then is actually there. But, living in a place I couldn't stand, working a soulless retail job, and going to school full-time. I really wanted to feel like a "lord, master of a household."
That was the fall of '06. I spent most of that winter thinking about Demesne. And for a good reason, we had a plan. We were going to sign a contract for my husbands grandparents house. It was built in '53 by my husbands Grandpa Wally. Everything was done by either himself or with the help of his friends. He built it for his bride Stella and their four children. It was an heirloom. Family members retold story after story about the house and it's past inhabitants: Vast vegetable gardens long since past, an old apple tree that was removed, a dog that slept in the shoe cubby, polka dancing in the basement, sunday school in the living room, proposals in the basement, and in the driveway, wedding day pictures taken on the front steps, grandchildren playing on the kitchen floor, my husband himself said his first memory was having chicken pox and sitting on his grandparents couch. The stories went on and on. The house wasn't just a house it was a home. And when the spring came I was ready to escape the crap shack. I graduated from college with a bachelor of Arts. And on June 31st. We moved into our new home. It was like a lung full of fresh spring air. Now surely I would be "lord, master of a household."

I will finish this later. It is way past my bedtime. By the way
Thanks for all of the warm welcomes.
 

SSDreamin

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I've never heard anyone refer to a home as an heirloom before. I like it! It says so much about it, with just that one word :)
 

rathbone

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I think it is pronounced dih-mayne (rather like domain).

So...have you named your home yet? "The Heirloom" is pretty catchy don't you think?
 

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I never thought of naming it. Its funny we had a name for the old place. I kind of like the heirloom.
Hmmmmm....this may take some thought.
 

rathbone

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You said "We no longer pay someone to live our lives for us. We're learning and growing."
I love that. You are a cooking alright - you are making word candy. I am loving what you write. Rather like my inner voice got loose in your head. Keep going. I will be back to read you after I "work".
 

Homemaker

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Had this thought tonight...and while it is not profound to any of you. I'm still going to post it. Because even familiar truths still call out to us when read.:

Back to basics. That phrase seems to be in vogue right now. What does that mean exactly and why is it becoming so popular? Americans everywhere are waking up and realizing that we can't keep going in the direction we are going without hitting a brick wall. Somethings got to give. Not only at the national level but at the personal level as well.

What are the basics of life? Our needs. For me it is God, people to love, good food, a roof over head, and medicine when I am sick. Everything else is extra. As Americans we seem to focus a lot of our time and energy on that extra stuff.

We are time starved. You never get any more time. When it's gone that is it. Yet,we spend it in persuit of things that will never make us truly happy. And everything suffers because of it. We are too tired on Sunday mornings to get up and go to church. We're too tired to pray. We're to tired to learn. So, our faith suffers. We don't have time to spend with our families, so our marriages suffer. Because our marriages fail our children suffer. We don't have time to cook a good home cooked meal so our health suffers. We don't have time to clean our homes so they suffer. We don't have time to garden or cultivate good relationships with produce stands, butchers, and farmers so our food supply suffers. We don't have time to volunteer so our communities suffer. We're too tired to think and we don't have time to care. Our time is wasted.

Because we are unhappy we try to throw money at the problem. We try to feel happy by seeking entertainment. We give money to different industries that have been created just for this purpose. Cable T.V., the movie industry, the music industry, the porn industry, the video game industry. When were done with that we try to relax with some retail therapy and a quick bite (because we don't have time for much else) from the food industry. We pay for pills for depression and therapy. Then it's back to bed because we have to get up in the morning and earn some money so we can start all over again. Money (and the entertainment it buys) is not evil. But, mistaking it for happiness will cause you grief. This is the "extra stuff."

Since we've already wasted our time and we have all this "extra stuff" all of our resources are tied up in maintaining the lives we have created. Why am I a part of the back to basics movement? Because I realized that I was suffering.

We have to learn to embrace our suffering and let it move us onto a new path. People are afraid of suffering. But, without suffering there would be no reason for us to change. It helps us to better ourselves and to shed bad habits. It helps us to learn new things. It teaches us to empathize with the suffering of others. Because it teaches us it is o.k. to reach out to others when we are in need and in turn we help them when they need us. In short, it helps us to grow up.

Think of the people who lived through the Great Depression or the Second World War. They were strong people. All at once self reliant and they had a strong sense of family and community. They were "the greatest generation". But, they didn't start out that way. They were wounded and their scars healed and made them tough. They grew up and learned. And when they got knocked down they got up and stood taller then ever before.

The back to basic movement is going strong because like our great-grandparents. We've learned from our suffering. We've found a need to reassess things. We need to change the ideas of what it means to be happy and secure.

We're getting back to basics.
 

rathbone

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Interesting that you referred to people who survived the Depression. I look to them on a daily basis to try to think how I can best manage the world I live in.
People say "back to basics" all the time but as you have so aptly expressed, they have little time to realize what that really means. I live my daily life building my family life and my personal relationships with each member of my family. You are absolutely correct - that is what is important at the end of the day.
 

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