Husband doesn't want to homeschool?

[Wifezilla]

My only problem with homeschooling is that there are bullies out there in the workplace, and people who are bad influences are everywhere. If you shelter your kids from these things all of their young lives, when are they supposed to learn the skills to deal with these things as an adult?

You don't teach kids how to deal with these situations by putting them directly in to the situation. All that does it teach them how to be victims and permanently scars them.

Unfortunately, a school environment can be more like Lord of the Flies.

We put our oldest in Tae Kwondo classes. Having self confidence and being taught how to avoid violence while being perfectly capable of taking care of yourself in a fight if necessary is valuable experience.

As a kid, I was more than able to take care of myself. I am a big person. Anyone who tried to bully me got their ass kicked. But because I was quiet and nice, the bullies did target me until they realized I wasn't an easy mark. Other kids weren't so lucky. The sad part is the adults who were supposed to be in charge had the "they need to know how to deal with it" attitude, so kids with learning disabilities, kids who were really poor, kids with emotional problems, etc... all got TORMENTED. If I saw it, I stuck up for those kids. If I reported the bullying to the teachers, I was called a tattle tale. If things got physical, I got suspended for protecting the victims...NOT the bullies for hurting them in the first place.

Bullies do not operate alone. It was almost always a bully and 4 or 5 "friends" against one helpless kid.

The victim doesn't "learn" anything other than PEOPLE SUCK in these situations.

Sorry to be so long winded but this it a VERY sore spot with me. I have seen kids who's family had no money get their glasses broken and then have to struggle to see in class with broken glasses. This of course made the bullies laugh and target the kid even more.

In another instance, a bully broke some microscope slides being used by a geeky kid. The teacher walked by and saw the broken slides and went off on the kid and said he would have to pay for it and that he was suspended. The kid told him he didn't break the slides, and in fact he had been at the teachers desk when the slides got broke. I pointed that out and got yelled at. I DID NOT back down, said in front of the class who did break the slides and told the teacher he was mean and unfair. Of course I got sent to the office. I was told to apologise to the teacher and I refuse. Pointed out what happened and the teacher then got in trouble. The teacher was still prepared to screw over the innocent victim rather than confront the bully.

One thing I have noticed is a lot of people who say "let the kids work it out" are people who never got bullied as children. It may not be true in all cases, but hubby and I have argued about this topic in the past, but he was a jock and popular in high school.

 

[chickenone]

Actually I was bullied as a child and still, I have no regrets. I am of the belief that whatever does not kill you makes you stronger. I don't think I would be the strong, self confident person that I am today if I had not had to deal with adversity as a youngster.

My child, on the other hand, is like you, WZ. She would always defend the underdog on the bus, in the classroom, at sports practice, and wherever else she went. She would not have had that opportunity if I had kept her at home.

There is good and bad in every situation, and no one thing that is right for everyone. I guess that every family has to work out what is best for them.

 

[MsPony]

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

And if the child kills himself...??

Phoebe Prince killed herself because of bullying and NO ONE did anything about it when she said something. She's one child out of MANY who has killed or attempted suicide after bullying.

You are already going through horrible hormone flucations (sp?) And then on top of it, you are being bullied and no one is there to help you.

 

[Mattemma]

My dh is pro-public school. I am pro-choice and think the kids should try out many schooling options,and then stay where they are happy(and learning).Each year you need to look at things again.

Our public school experience was a disaster,and while I wish my ds had never experienced the bullying he did I am glad we tried it. I just wished I had pulled him out sooner. My dd was just miserable in public.Lol,she is somewhat miserable in all school settings.

My kids are currently in a private Montessori.It is not without fault.Neither was the online charter or homeschooling.

Each year I talk with the kids about their school,and what they want to do the next year. I am OPEN to what they want to try. Dh would be happy if the kids just went to public school,but I refuse to ever allow my kids to attend our local district. I put MY foot down.,but will consider another district if that is what they want.

Even if you homeschool your children will deal with bully behavior in various settings.

Me, I just want my kids to be safe and happy as they learn.Sometimes one educational setting is better for a child than another.

If I were in your situation I might be willing to try out the local school,but be adamant that if things are not working out you will remove the children from that school and try something else.

There are soooooo many schooling options these days. I wish they had been around when I was a kid. I had to do public school,but managed to graduate a semester early. I have no fond memories of public school.

 

[Mattemma]

If you shelter your kids from these things all of their young lives, when are they supposed to learn the skills to deal with these things as an adult? The world is not going to go away, unfortunately.
.

I just wanted to chime in on the bullying since it is such a sore spot with me.

I think adults have far more resources,protection,and options on dealing with a bully compared to say a 5 year old. A child who has never been hit or verbally abused will *change*,and no amount of skills and support from the parents will help make up for what they go through. My ds has never forgotten what others did to him,and it has been over 3 years now.

Children who are bullied in school are facing the issue 6 hours a day for 187 days a year,and sometimes from multiple abusers.Telling teachers/staff daily when you are hit/called names does not erase what was done to you. And sadly quite often the more you complain about being bullied the less helpful staff are.And if you stand up to the bullies YOU get in trouble.

If your children have to deal with bullies,and schools(or parents) are not responsive get your kids out of that situation.Don't force them to live it daily. It really just isn't a fight worth fighting.

Best wishes whatever you decide to try.

If my kids had liked public school I would have been happy to let them remain there.

 

[lorihadams]

I got picked on in public school and never felt like I fit in. I was a lower middle class or lower class (depending on how much work my construction company owner father got each year) kid in honors classes with the "rich kids" that lived on the other side of town. I was not popular with the kids from my side of town cause I wasn't in class with them and I wasn't popular with the kids in my classes cause I didn't live on the right side of town or dress like them blah blah blah.

The thing that I like about homeschooling is that you have the opportunity to involve your children in activities that include people from all backgrounds and all ages. My children will talk to a 2 yr old or a 16 yr old, they don't care. Lots of kids only want to hang out with kids in their age group. That's not realistic. When you go to work you don't work with a whole group of 22yr olds and then move up next year. Does that mean they won't get bullied in activities from homeschoolers...no. But at least then you (the parent) can see it before it becomes such an issue.

I also don't like the way certain curricula is set up. Specifically history. I don't think it is benificial at all to jump around to different points in history each year, I think it is better to teach history chronologically so that it makes better sense as to why the things that happened happened.

I plan to take my children's wishes into consideration and if they want to try public school they can with the understanding that if they don't like it after a certain time we can pull them out. Some public schools are wonderful places to be but some are miserable and that is just because of the environmental aspects. Some poorer counties have horrible school systems with overcrowded classrooms and low funding/not enough supplies. Some of the richer counties have a ridiculous population of children that believe they are entitled to whatever they wish whenever they wish and their parents feel the same way.

As a former teacher I have dealt with enough horrible parents/teachers/administrators that I will never go back.

If your child needs flexibility and alternative methods of learning then homeschool is the way to go. If your child is able to function well in a social setting and get help when needed from your school system then try it.

 

[FarmerChick]

geez ya'll
some need to grow a spine even as a kid

don't take this totally wrong cause I know you will...but billions of people have these problems and the few examples of suicide etc is over the top.

society. get into it, deal with it, get away from it.

do what is best for the family...but the belly aching is sad on this thread

like these problems were happening in caveman time, Roman time, Egyptian times. Myan times and ALL THRU TIME, etc.

truly, the 'micro' dissection gets "oh heck I don't know how to say it''
???--too personal to the point of making the thread just lose its original purpose???


yea blast me but geez, someone some day has to just live life.
life is what it is...deal with it best ya can and if ya got bullied, forgive, move forward or get therapy.


but do what is best for your kid, also not using every excuse in your personal life to control their best future.




yea have at me now

 

[Wifezilla]

I think adults have far more resources,protection,and options on dealing with a bully compared to say a 5 year old

Exactly! Bullies do not pick on their peers. They pick on smaller, weaker and more helpless children. A child is supposed to be learning about how to deal with themselves, not how to defend themselves from torment.

Question: If you think learning how to deal with bullies is an important life lesson, would you intentionally place your child in a situation with a known bully and turn your back? Or would you give them the tools to deal with bad situations through a self-defense or martial arts class?

Which do you think will have a more positive outcome in the long run?
Which situation do you think will cause your child to appreciate the parent more?
Which situation do you think will cause emotional problems later down the road?

Just because a child can overcome a bad situation doesn't mean you intentionally place them in one. That is just irresponsible IMO.

 

[patandchickens]

Why would anyone think that homeschooled kids never get to deal with bullying and things like that????

It is not like that doesn't happen when playing with neighbors, at soccer practice, in clubs, etc etc etc. Good gracious!

However it is true that bullying is less overwhelming and inescapable than when it happens badly at school (because at school you are stuck with the same kids most of the day every day for most of a year, with quite frankly very little adult supervision)

Thus in many ways good homeschooling provides *more* opportunity to learn to deal constructively with itwithout being steamrollered -- not LESS.

geez ya'll some need to grow a spine even as a kid

FC, with all due respect to your opinions, you clearly have never experienced the SORT of bullying some are talking about. "Grow a spine" does not always do it, nor is it even an *option* for everyone (as some are dealing with other issues as well).

In fact I find this sentence so personally upsetting I am not going to comment further except to say, honey, you have NO CLUE what you are talking about (though I am *glad* you were lucky enough to escape certain things, of course)

do what is best for your kid, also not using every excuse in your personal life to control their best future.

Well, let's think about that. What IS "their best future"? What is the evidence that homeschooling, where appropriate, IS against a kid's best future?

Pretty much none.

On the whole, homeschooled kids do quite well on standardized testing and future careers, and have been shown to be on average at least as well socialized as public school kids.

So what is your big problem with people wanting to do it, if they feel it suits their situation? Nobody's making YOU homeschool, they're talking about what THEY want to do

Pat

 

[MsPony]

Pat, that was my point, in a school setting its very hard to get away from bullies! I was always the pretty, popular girl that had guys as friends so was "popular" with boys (don't confuse that with being promiscus, although as a teenage girl you do) and girls were MEAN and nasty to me. I couldn't escape it because we were in classes together, and at some point your in a group project together. However, outside of school its incredibly easy to escape. Even in college its easy, if it happens in a class.