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Laugh(s) for the day
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Smart Red
Lovin' The Homestead
Heard of an "activist" movement on Mother's Day suggesting no one should send flowers to people. "You tear the reproductive part of the plant off and give it to your mother with thanks for. . . what?"
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Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
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There used to be a cemetery across the street from an old folks home around here. The sign on the old folks home said, FOR THE AGED TO REST AWHILE.
Britesea
Sustainability Master
SPAMALOT
* * * * * * *
Limerick
There once was a man of St. Jude,
Who tried to cook SPAM in the nude.
He cooked it too long,
And unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.
* * * * * * *
Haiku
Patio slime trails
Are not from snails but anxious
SPAMs seeking escape.
* * * * * * *
Sonnet
Shall I compare thee to a can of SPAM?
Thou art more pink and more gelatinous.
Much ill is said about this fine "SPiced hAM"
Yet never is it called keratinous.
Sometime too hard the arteries are made
And often is the heart's beating too dim,
And every glob of fat in time is laid
Upon the waist, for Jenny Craig to trim.
But thy eternal pinkness shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fat thou earn'd
Nor shall Death brag thy heart attack SPAM made.
When in eternal sloth thy life was burn'd
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see
So long will SPAM's blue cans bring joy to thee.
* * * * * * *
Gilbert & Sullivan (to the tune of I am the very model of a modern major general)
I now confess proclivity,
For alimentativity,
Involving parts ambiguous,
Of that which once a piggy was.
A cumulus gelatinous,
Ingesting which will fatten us,
And raise us to such ecstacy,
That folks will crane their necks to see.
This mottled pink comestible,
Which most find indigestible,
I find quite indispensible,
And gorge 'til I'm insensible.
So grab the can, examine it
And if it says there's SPAM in it,
Decant it to a plastic plate,
Then fill your face and masticate.
* * * * * * *
Spammerwocky
'Twas tiffin, and the gelid SPAM
Sat glist'ning moistly on the Spode:
All greasy was the noisesome reek
On midday air bestowed.
"Beware the acid reflux son!
The fiery belch, the throat that stings!
Beware the withering stares of those,
Who find that pigs have wings"
He took the proper fork in hand:
Long time each gristly bite he chewed--
A thought! To spit it back on plate--
He could not, it would be too rude.
And as he pondered this faux pas,
Regarding porcine jelly,
A mighty belch, that seared like flame,
Came rumbling from his belly.
One chew, one chew and then you're through
And top it with a Snickers snack.
You think it down, but as you frown,
It comes eructing back.
"And hast thou dined on SPAM, my son?
Come--have some Digel foolish boy,
Enjoy the charms of Hammer's Arms,
The Pepto-Bismol ploy.
'Twas tiffin, and the gelid SPAM
Sat glist'ning moistly on the Spode:
All greasy was the noisesome reek
On midday air bestowed.
* * * * * * *
spam is a nutritious
delicious treat
serve it up fried
on toasted whole wheat
or chop it up
and boil it too
we are having
yummy spam stew
it's pink processed meat
in the blue can
wonderful stuff
to have on hand
it never goes bad
it never was good
the incredible
edible
processed non food
* * * * * * *
Limerick
There once was a man of St. Jude,
Who tried to cook SPAM in the nude.
He cooked it too long,
And unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.
* * * * * * *
Haiku
Patio slime trails
Are not from snails but anxious
SPAMs seeking escape.
* * * * * * *
Sonnet
Shall I compare thee to a can of SPAM?
Thou art more pink and more gelatinous.
Much ill is said about this fine "SPiced hAM"
Yet never is it called keratinous.
Sometime too hard the arteries are made
And often is the heart's beating too dim,
And every glob of fat in time is laid
Upon the waist, for Jenny Craig to trim.
But thy eternal pinkness shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fat thou earn'd
Nor shall Death brag thy heart attack SPAM made.
When in eternal sloth thy life was burn'd
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see
So long will SPAM's blue cans bring joy to thee.
* * * * * * *
Gilbert & Sullivan (to the tune of I am the very model of a modern major general)
I now confess proclivity,
For alimentativity,
Involving parts ambiguous,
Of that which once a piggy was.
A cumulus gelatinous,
Ingesting which will fatten us,
And raise us to such ecstacy,
That folks will crane their necks to see.
This mottled pink comestible,
Which most find indigestible,
I find quite indispensible,
And gorge 'til I'm insensible.
So grab the can, examine it
And if it says there's SPAM in it,
Decant it to a plastic plate,
Then fill your face and masticate.
* * * * * * *
Spammerwocky
'Twas tiffin, and the gelid SPAM
Sat glist'ning moistly on the Spode:
All greasy was the noisesome reek
On midday air bestowed.
"Beware the acid reflux son!
The fiery belch, the throat that stings!
Beware the withering stares of those,
Who find that pigs have wings"
He took the proper fork in hand:
Long time each gristly bite he chewed--
A thought! To spit it back on plate--
He could not, it would be too rude.
And as he pondered this faux pas,
Regarding porcine jelly,
A mighty belch, that seared like flame,
Came rumbling from his belly.
One chew, one chew and then you're through
And top it with a Snickers snack.
You think it down, but as you frown,
It comes eructing back.
"And hast thou dined on SPAM, my son?
Come--have some Digel foolish boy,
Enjoy the charms of Hammer's Arms,
The Pepto-Bismol ploy.
'Twas tiffin, and the gelid SPAM
Sat glist'ning moistly on the Spode:
All greasy was the noisesome reek
On midday air bestowed.
* * * * * * *
spam is a nutritious
delicious treat
serve it up fried
on toasted whole wheat
or chop it up
and boil it too
we are having
yummy spam stew
it's pink processed meat
in the blue can
wonderful stuff
to have on hand
it never goes bad
it never was good
the incredible
edible
processed non food
wyoDreamer
Super Self-Sufficient
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2014
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- 1,798
- Reaction score
- 2,449
- Points
- 277
I have SPAM in my cupboard. I only eat it about once a year. Shredded, mixed with shredded cheese, diced pickles and mayo then spread on English Muffins and toasted under the broiler until it gets bubbly and browned. My mom made it as a special treat for us when we were kids.
Britesea
Sustainability Master
DH and I are actually rather fond of Spam... especially the Jalapeno flavored stuff. DS won't touch it though.
