hillfarm
Lovin' The Homestead
I am married to a man who was single for 36 years prior to us marrying. he lived with a few women. But I'm the first he married.
I have two kids living at home. They are really good kids. Easy to handle.
We bought a home, and we have been extremely happy.
But about a month ago, things shifted. He changed.
He decided I no longer could do his laundry, so he bought his own soap and hamper and everything. OK, hurt my feelings but evidently he has told me I use too much laundry soap but I didnt listen to him. OK.
He also feels no need to do the dishes or housework unless he makes the mess. He typically cleans up after himself reasonably well. But he does leave me dishes.
When we married, he reorganized my kitchen. Boxing anything he felt took up space,(OK, I just accept that my stuff is somewhere in the attic and I do without, the kitchen is small anyway) He even reduced our cups, bowls etc so that there would be less dishes in the sink. Whatever. I took it in stride as I assumed he was doing his part to help things run smoothly.
Now the intimate issue has gone from dynamite to dud. Just dwindled, which it has in the hot Texas heat, so I was surprised, but it has really dwindled.
Last week he made a few cracks about my weight and looks. Something he has NEVEr done before, but we were around his high school buds. One of which made a dig in front of us that my hubby is still into the fat chicks. my hubby did not defend me. Really crushed me. During our vacation, hubby's drinking really escalated. So did his meaness. But he blames his attitude on the booze.
Last nite I slept in my kids room. First time in our relationship. He just ignored me and had the tv on and blaring. He left this morning without kissing my bye. Another first.
I tell him he hurt me, he apologized and blamed the booze. I ask about the intimacy and he blames work and stress and heat. I accept he is being honest, he has never lied to me.
I feel like he is married in name only. He has seperated himself from me and kids. In the last two days he has jumped at my kids and he has NEVER raised his voice. Once he accused my son of about to hit him which put him in tears. My son adores my husband and would never hit him. Then last nite he actually yelled at my teen for drinkingout of the tea jug. She was in tears. She apologised and promised it was just to show off in front of her friends who were sleeping over. He is just not being the man I married. He's pushing us away.
Im aware this is a first step in a relationship when a man is trying to distance himself and leave. I dont think he's INTO us anymore. Or he is done playing house. He reminisces about single life alot. To the point of making me feel bad.
I know all I can do is let him figure out what he wants. But I honestly and building up the walls. I am emotionally protecting myself. He hasnt called or texted, he typically does several times a day. He's mad at me for sleeping in kids room, but he completely rejected and ignored me last nite, more than once. I didnt say a word, no complaints at all, but how much can I put myself out there only to be ignored. ughh.
what a crappy day. This is my third marriage. If this one fails, well maybe I should ask whats wrong with me. Its easy to blame the other, but obviously I am not worthy of a lifetime of love or happiness, otherwise I would not be such a crappy spouse. Im savy enuf to prepare for the possibility of being single again. We have a joint account but he doesnt use it. he has a personal business account that I cant touch. So money is seperate already. we own this house but he hates it, so i assume he will probably be looking for a place when he decides he's totally done. IDK. Just looking for some advice. Or maybe just to vent. Its pathetic to cry alone, you know?
I have two kids living at home. They are really good kids. Easy to handle.
We bought a home, and we have been extremely happy.
But about a month ago, things shifted. He changed.
He decided I no longer could do his laundry, so he bought his own soap and hamper and everything. OK, hurt my feelings but evidently he has told me I use too much laundry soap but I didnt listen to him. OK.
He also feels no need to do the dishes or housework unless he makes the mess. He typically cleans up after himself reasonably well. But he does leave me dishes.
When we married, he reorganized my kitchen. Boxing anything he felt took up space,(OK, I just accept that my stuff is somewhere in the attic and I do without, the kitchen is small anyway) He even reduced our cups, bowls etc so that there would be less dishes in the sink. Whatever. I took it in stride as I assumed he was doing his part to help things run smoothly.
Now the intimate issue has gone from dynamite to dud. Just dwindled, which it has in the hot Texas heat, so I was surprised, but it has really dwindled.
Last week he made a few cracks about my weight and looks. Something he has NEVEr done before, but we were around his high school buds. One of which made a dig in front of us that my hubby is still into the fat chicks. my hubby did not defend me. Really crushed me. During our vacation, hubby's drinking really escalated. So did his meaness. But he blames his attitude on the booze.
Last nite I slept in my kids room. First time in our relationship. He just ignored me and had the tv on and blaring. He left this morning without kissing my bye. Another first.
I tell him he hurt me, he apologized and blamed the booze. I ask about the intimacy and he blames work and stress and heat. I accept he is being honest, he has never lied to me.
I feel like he is married in name only. He has seperated himself from me and kids. In the last two days he has jumped at my kids and he has NEVER raised his voice. Once he accused my son of about to hit him which put him in tears. My son adores my husband and would never hit him. Then last nite he actually yelled at my teen for drinkingout of the tea jug. She was in tears. She apologised and promised it was just to show off in front of her friends who were sleeping over. He is just not being the man I married. He's pushing us away.
Im aware this is a first step in a relationship when a man is trying to distance himself and leave. I dont think he's INTO us anymore. Or he is done playing house. He reminisces about single life alot. To the point of making me feel bad.
I know all I can do is let him figure out what he wants. But I honestly and building up the walls. I am emotionally protecting myself. He hasnt called or texted, he typically does several times a day. He's mad at me for sleeping in kids room, but he completely rejected and ignored me last nite, more than once. I didnt say a word, no complaints at all, but how much can I put myself out there only to be ignored. ughh.
what a crappy day. This is my third marriage. If this one fails, well maybe I should ask whats wrong with me. Its easy to blame the other, but obviously I am not worthy of a lifetime of love or happiness, otherwise I would not be such a crappy spouse. Im savy enuf to prepare for the possibility of being single again. We have a joint account but he doesnt use it. he has a personal business account that I cant touch. So money is seperate already. we own this house but he hates it, so i assume he will probably be looking for a place when he decides he's totally done. IDK. Just looking for some advice. Or maybe just to vent. Its pathetic to cry alone, you know?
