lwheelr
Lovin' The Homestead
The Great Goat Roundup
"Meh..."
"Oh, that's right, laugh at me. Mock me." I sighed, kicking the dirt and sending up a puff of dust into the muggy morning air. It was way to hot to be chasing a half-grown goat around the farm, but after more than a half hour of chasing the same one I was determined to win. It's a girl thing.
This one small goat had slipped out of the pasture where the other goats were grazing, and had been pacing the fence, bawling for his mama. It was my job to put him back.
I took another step toward the small goat, and it stared at me with huge dark eyes, almost managing to look threatening. The horns on its head helped the effect. I was beginning to feel tired and defeated; the cattle guard (or goat guard in this case) was behind the creature and I was in front of it. I was sure the goat would jump over the guard, just as it had three times before.
I would say that thing was downright defiant and stubborn, because it went "Meh." again and wheeled around, clearing the guard in one leap. I huffed in frustration, mentally counting the fourth time as I picked my way across the stupid guard. The pursuit took me to the vacated and empty pink house, where the little goat slipped through the gate of the small fence that surrounded it. Ok, now I really wanted to scream at the stupid beast. I determindly clamped down my frustration and went through the gate, but hesitated once inside. It would be smart to shut the gate, and trap the goat in a more restricted area, wouldn't it? Definitely. So I shut the gate and continued to the other side of the house.
The goat saw me and bolted in the opposite direction, and I followed. We went in circles for about five minutes before I got the idea to reverse my course. If the goat kept going around in that direction, I could sneak around the other way. I watched the goat disappear around the corner and then backtracked as fast as I could to intercept. I almost ran into the thing head-on, but it ground to a stop one foot away and stared at me (and if goats had facial expressions, I'd say this one looked stunned). Then he bolted the other way, and again I went the opposite direction to head him off. He came around the wall and again halted when he saw me, and it was right then that I concluded that goats are incredibly simple-minded.
The goat darted back to the front of the house, but this time he took me by surprise. The back door was opened, and the screening on the screen door of the pink house had been torn off, leaving two doggie-door sized holes at the bottom, and the goat slipped through and went inside the house.
"Buggers!" I cursed, dartin inside after it. Just as I stepped inside I saw two doors; one directly behind the goat which lead into the living room (Don't go in there, I pleaded in my head) and another door to the right that lead into another much smaller room. The goat took the smaller room, much to my relief.
It turned out to be the bathroom. I went in and shut the door behind me, grabbing at the goat as it dived into the tub. I almost had it, too, but it kicked it's hind legs and shot between my arms, landing at the far end of the room. I grabbed at it again, but this time it hopped onto the toilet, then onto the sink in almost the same move. It stood up there and fixed me in a black glare, snorting and pawing at the porcelain countertop.
My anger and frustration melted away, and the only thought in my head now was Oh, crap as I suddenly realized how big that thing's horns were and how dangerous its hooves looked. I tried to press down the sudden surge of alarm, taking another step toward it, but it snorted and pawed again, making me back up in fear. Oh, crap I thought gain. I opened the door and slipped out, closing it behind me as I left the house. Maybe mom has an idea how I can get an angry goat out of a bathroom.
Three minutes later I was walking away from the house, carrying a dog leash in my hand and letting Jessie pad along beside me. Mom had suggested the leash, but the idea to take Jessie was mine. She was just a puppy, but maybe she could distract the goat long enough for me to loop the leash around the stupid goat's head.
I still felt silly because of the look on mom's face when I had told her that I had the goat in the pink house bathroom. I could only imagine what she could be thinking. In the pink house BATHROOM? I didn't even know goats were potty-trained. I groaned inwardly, feeling silly.
I reached the pink house in no time, and when I opened the bathroom door I was surprised to see the goat still standing on the sink. It saw me (and maybe was about to threaten me again) but Jessie had slipped in behind me, drawing the goat's attention. The goat looked mildly startled, and it gazed at the puppy without moving a single inch.
But being the friendly and ever-playful puppy she was, Jessie loped straight up to the sink and looked up at the goat, her tongue lolling out in a doggish grin. The goat stared, thinking Jessie the bigger threat, and I slipped the leash around it's neck after making a noose-like collar by clipping the leash on itself.
"Meh! Meh! MEH!" the goat bawled, struggling back as I dragged it from the sink and out of the bathroom. "Meh! Meh! MEH! MEH!"
"Shush up!" I snapped, dragging him toward the screen door.
The goat charged ahead of me, perhaps thinking that he could get away from me by pulling instead of dragging, and he just happened to slip through the hole in the door closest to the hinges. I did not want to let go of the leash, so I bent down and reached my other arm around the door to get my other hand free. Just before the leash traded hands the goat bounded the other direction, making the leash push on the door.
I heard the leash go taut, I felt my left arm hit the door frame, but I could not get my head out of the way as the door was jerked at me.
BANG! Ding-cucoo!
Tiny multi-colored lights exploded in my vision as pain almost jarred my skull in half. I hissed through clenched teeth, closing my eyes as I was finally able to untangle myself from the door, leash still clutched tightly in my hand.
"Rrrrgh, stupid goat!" I spat just those few words, but he angry tirade continued in my mind.
"MEH! MEH! MEH!" The goat was frantically struggling against the leash, jerking its body this way and that, but I tugged on it even more sharply, dragging him forward.
I had to stop many times to loosen the noose around the thing's neck, but I finally reached the cattle guard and stepped across. I was not worried about the goat, it was fine jumping over. It jumped, but it only made it halfway across, its back legs slipping between the gaps between the metal poles. "Curses!" I snapped, pulling him out. Then I remembered Jessie. She sat on the side we had just left, still grinning doggishly, but she was pacing back and forth, uncertain and unwilling to cross the guard herself. I sighed and went halfway back across the guard, the goat safely on one side straining against me, and Jessie so close on the other. I was able to get my right arm around her and carry her across, and she happily plodded beside me the rest of the way to the goat pasture.
I got the goat inside the gate and shoved the locks in place, relieved that it was over. The goat was now free, curiously looking around as it joined the other goats. "Meh? Meh..."
Another day on the farm. I thought tiredly, wiping the sweat from my forehead. It's finally done!
By Betsy Wheeler
"Meh..."
"Oh, that's right, laugh at me. Mock me." I sighed, kicking the dirt and sending up a puff of dust into the muggy morning air. It was way to hot to be chasing a half-grown goat around the farm, but after more than a half hour of chasing the same one I was determined to win. It's a girl thing.
This one small goat had slipped out of the pasture where the other goats were grazing, and had been pacing the fence, bawling for his mama. It was my job to put him back.
I took another step toward the small goat, and it stared at me with huge dark eyes, almost managing to look threatening. The horns on its head helped the effect. I was beginning to feel tired and defeated; the cattle guard (or goat guard in this case) was behind the creature and I was in front of it. I was sure the goat would jump over the guard, just as it had three times before.
I would say that thing was downright defiant and stubborn, because it went "Meh." again and wheeled around, clearing the guard in one leap. I huffed in frustration, mentally counting the fourth time as I picked my way across the stupid guard. The pursuit took me to the vacated and empty pink house, where the little goat slipped through the gate of the small fence that surrounded it. Ok, now I really wanted to scream at the stupid beast. I determindly clamped down my frustration and went through the gate, but hesitated once inside. It would be smart to shut the gate, and trap the goat in a more restricted area, wouldn't it? Definitely. So I shut the gate and continued to the other side of the house.
The goat saw me and bolted in the opposite direction, and I followed. We went in circles for about five minutes before I got the idea to reverse my course. If the goat kept going around in that direction, I could sneak around the other way. I watched the goat disappear around the corner and then backtracked as fast as I could to intercept. I almost ran into the thing head-on, but it ground to a stop one foot away and stared at me (and if goats had facial expressions, I'd say this one looked stunned). Then he bolted the other way, and again I went the opposite direction to head him off. He came around the wall and again halted when he saw me, and it was right then that I concluded that goats are incredibly simple-minded.
The goat darted back to the front of the house, but this time he took me by surprise. The back door was opened, and the screening on the screen door of the pink house had been torn off, leaving two doggie-door sized holes at the bottom, and the goat slipped through and went inside the house.
"Buggers!" I cursed, dartin inside after it. Just as I stepped inside I saw two doors; one directly behind the goat which lead into the living room (Don't go in there, I pleaded in my head) and another door to the right that lead into another much smaller room. The goat took the smaller room, much to my relief.
It turned out to be the bathroom. I went in and shut the door behind me, grabbing at the goat as it dived into the tub. I almost had it, too, but it kicked it's hind legs and shot between my arms, landing at the far end of the room. I grabbed at it again, but this time it hopped onto the toilet, then onto the sink in almost the same move. It stood up there and fixed me in a black glare, snorting and pawing at the porcelain countertop.
My anger and frustration melted away, and the only thought in my head now was Oh, crap as I suddenly realized how big that thing's horns were and how dangerous its hooves looked. I tried to press down the sudden surge of alarm, taking another step toward it, but it snorted and pawed again, making me back up in fear. Oh, crap I thought gain. I opened the door and slipped out, closing it behind me as I left the house. Maybe mom has an idea how I can get an angry goat out of a bathroom.
Three minutes later I was walking away from the house, carrying a dog leash in my hand and letting Jessie pad along beside me. Mom had suggested the leash, but the idea to take Jessie was mine. She was just a puppy, but maybe she could distract the goat long enough for me to loop the leash around the stupid goat's head.
I still felt silly because of the look on mom's face when I had told her that I had the goat in the pink house bathroom. I could only imagine what she could be thinking. In the pink house BATHROOM? I didn't even know goats were potty-trained. I groaned inwardly, feeling silly.
I reached the pink house in no time, and when I opened the bathroom door I was surprised to see the goat still standing on the sink. It saw me (and maybe was about to threaten me again) but Jessie had slipped in behind me, drawing the goat's attention. The goat looked mildly startled, and it gazed at the puppy without moving a single inch.
But being the friendly and ever-playful puppy she was, Jessie loped straight up to the sink and looked up at the goat, her tongue lolling out in a doggish grin. The goat stared, thinking Jessie the bigger threat, and I slipped the leash around it's neck after making a noose-like collar by clipping the leash on itself.
"Meh! Meh! MEH!" the goat bawled, struggling back as I dragged it from the sink and out of the bathroom. "Meh! Meh! MEH! MEH!"
"Shush up!" I snapped, dragging him toward the screen door.
The goat charged ahead of me, perhaps thinking that he could get away from me by pulling instead of dragging, and he just happened to slip through the hole in the door closest to the hinges. I did not want to let go of the leash, so I bent down and reached my other arm around the door to get my other hand free. Just before the leash traded hands the goat bounded the other direction, making the leash push on the door.
I heard the leash go taut, I felt my left arm hit the door frame, but I could not get my head out of the way as the door was jerked at me.
BANG! Ding-cucoo!
Tiny multi-colored lights exploded in my vision as pain almost jarred my skull in half. I hissed through clenched teeth, closing my eyes as I was finally able to untangle myself from the door, leash still clutched tightly in my hand.
"Rrrrgh, stupid goat!" I spat just those few words, but he angry tirade continued in my mind.
"MEH! MEH! MEH!" The goat was frantically struggling against the leash, jerking its body this way and that, but I tugged on it even more sharply, dragging him forward.
I had to stop many times to loosen the noose around the thing's neck, but I finally reached the cattle guard and stepped across. I was not worried about the goat, it was fine jumping over. It jumped, but it only made it halfway across, its back legs slipping between the gaps between the metal poles. "Curses!" I snapped, pulling him out. Then I remembered Jessie. She sat on the side we had just left, still grinning doggishly, but she was pacing back and forth, uncertain and unwilling to cross the guard herself. I sighed and went halfway back across the guard, the goat safely on one side straining against me, and Jessie so close on the other. I was able to get my right arm around her and carry her across, and she happily plodded beside me the rest of the way to the goat pasture.
I got the goat inside the gate and shoved the locks in place, relieved that it was over. The goat was now free, curiously looking around as it joined the other goats. "Meh? Meh..."
Another day on the farm. I thought tiredly, wiping the sweat from my forehead. It's finally done!
By Betsy Wheeler
I can picture it all too well.
