My friend is having a bad day...really bad...

[Quail_Antwerp]

I just found out that early this morning one of my dear friend's BIL shot himself. My friend and her DH and the BIL and sister were all really close, and she is taking it really hard.

I am not sure how to help them now, but I have promised to be there for them. I am not sure what the proper etiquette is for this, as I am not a close friend to the BIL, but have met him and his wife and two daughters several times over the years at get togethers with my friend.

 

[FarmerChick]

QA
these things are tragic. sorry for her loss. but there isn't much you can do.

offer your support and an ear to listen if needed, and if wanted, she will ask you for help. but this is something the family must just get through. offer support and prayers and be there if she needs you.

I always wonder how someone can do this with children? I just don't know?

 

[roosmom]

I am not real good at this stuff either. That is one thing the "older" generation did know......What to do.
I know that bringing food over to the house is mostly always done.....when I asked why I was told it is because most of the time people who have had a loved one die forget to cook and eat. So maybe that is something you can do if they are near.

 

[punkin]

FC is right. Prayers and an ear can mean alot in a tragedy.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Right now my friend is in shock. She has been texting me from work, which suprised me. She said, "I didn't know what to do, so I just came in to work."

 

[FarmerChick]

oh my gosh Quail that is so sad.
she doesn't know what to do so she went to work.
wow, it hasn't hit her yet.
just keep chatting with her cause she will fall apart in a bit I am sure. ....hard times for her ahead. that is just so sad!

 

[Dace]

Quail, we had a family tragedy last year at this time. It was a murder suicide and was extremely traumatic.
I think that one of the best things you can do is be positive and just be there to listen.

When someone close to you does an unthinkable act such as this a common reaction is to say he must be crazy and how could he do such a thing to his family. I found that to talk about the person as he was before he became so troubled and desperate is the healthiest thing...focus on what was good about him....spending time with his kids, putting his family first, being a good friend...whatever it is, these are the things that his loved ones need to be reminded of.

They are in shock and in a lot of pain as to how he could do this and leave them...they need to be reminded that he had a positive impact on those around him and was a good person who just some how became overwhelmed and made a rash decision leading to an action that he certainly did not think through or intend.

Good luck!

 

[enjoy the ride]

One thing in deaths in my family was that the doorbell didn't stop ringing while we were trying to make arrangements- sometimes it was annoying when it was just curious people so I would not call on them for awhile. But maybe you friend could use a little comfort food herself-and an ear to listen to her or go with her if whe wants company while she helps her family deal with this awful thing.
Do they need financial help? Maybe you could start a collections for them with your shared circle of friends.
I would send a card- it may not mean a lot right now but I can remember that it did provide comfort later when I read the staments of sympathy.
And I would certainly go to the funeral. I also took comfort that people cared enough to come and listen to the stories, especially when my Mom died. If they plan a gathering after, you might ask if you could bring something.
Dace's advice seems very good to me too.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

It gets worse. It's all over the news. :|

Apparantly he and another guy were pulled over by the police. I don't have any details other than the newscaster says they bolted, first in a car, which led to police chase. Then friend's BIL jumped out on the car, ran on foot, had a standoff with police, shot himself.

 

[Dace]

Quail, ours was all over the news as well...it does make it even harder and more complicated.
My heart goes out to the wife and her children.