SheriM
Lovin' The Homestead
After talking with my surgeon, I was beginning to think I was going to get away with just the mastectomy, but it looks now like that was wishful thinking. I got a call from the cancer clinic. The oncologist who treated me last time wants to see me and the nurse said he'd ordered some tests. I asked which ones because the surgeon already ordered the standard ones (bone scan and CT). The nurse said the oncologist had ordered an echocardiogram, and that's when my gut turned over. They only order that if they're planning chemotherapy. The echo. is a test of the heart and they order one before chemotherapy because some of the chemo drugs can be hard on the heart and they need to be sure its healthy before they begin.
There is no other reason I know of for an oncologist to order an echocardiogram, except in preparation for chemo, so he must be planning to recommend it when I see him on May 8th.
I will have an even better idea if this is what he's planning after seeing my regular doctor tomorrow. The oncology nurse said they have the results back on the pathology done on the lump. That is what would tell them if this is a new cancer or a recurrence of the old one. From the sounds of it, it must be a new one, but I won't know for sure till tomorrow.
You know, not once during the first time around did I ever, not EVER, ask God "why me?" but I can't help but ask that very question now. Darn it anyway, I was just getting back on my feet and had so many plans for this summer. I know I might be jumping the gun here, and maybe I won't have to have treatment, but I know enough about how it all works to see the pattern emerging and it's filling me with dread. It's not even so much the fear of the cancer itself this time. It's an "Oh, man, I don't want to go through all that again." The hair loss, the fatigue, the incredibly sore mouth, the jitters from the anti-nausea meds., the feeling like crap for at least two weeks after each treatment and knowing that just as you start to feel better, it'll be time for another one, the constant vigilance to avoid infection when your white blood cell count lands in the toilet, the weird appetite, the mangled fingernails...Oh, Lord, I could go on all night!!
I'm sorry to whine like this. Reading this over, it sounds like such a "poor me" pity party, but I just needed to unload all of this and get it out of my system before I have to start dealing with the reality that going through all of that will mean.
I'll post again tomorrow once I've seen the doctor and have a better idea if I'm facing it all again or what.
There is no other reason I know of for an oncologist to order an echocardiogram, except in preparation for chemo, so he must be planning to recommend it when I see him on May 8th.
I will have an even better idea if this is what he's planning after seeing my regular doctor tomorrow. The oncology nurse said they have the results back on the pathology done on the lump. That is what would tell them if this is a new cancer or a recurrence of the old one. From the sounds of it, it must be a new one, but I won't know for sure till tomorrow.
You know, not once during the first time around did I ever, not EVER, ask God "why me?" but I can't help but ask that very question now. Darn it anyway, I was just getting back on my feet and had so many plans for this summer. I know I might be jumping the gun here, and maybe I won't have to have treatment, but I know enough about how it all works to see the pattern emerging and it's filling me with dread. It's not even so much the fear of the cancer itself this time. It's an "Oh, man, I don't want to go through all that again." The hair loss, the fatigue, the incredibly sore mouth, the jitters from the anti-nausea meds., the feeling like crap for at least two weeks after each treatment and knowing that just as you start to feel better, it'll be time for another one, the constant vigilance to avoid infection when your white blood cell count lands in the toilet, the weird appetite, the mangled fingernails...Oh, Lord, I could go on all night!!
I'm sorry to whine like this. Reading this over, it sounds like such a "poor me" pity party, but I just needed to unload all of this and get it out of my system before I have to start dealing with the reality that going through all of that will mean.
I'll post again tomorrow once I've seen the doctor and have a better idea if I'm facing it all again or what.
