opinions?

[tortoise]

I didn't read all of the replies.

A father is NOT the only male role model in a child's life. Don't know if you are religious, but how about getting involved in a church? Being ACTIVE in a community with men that you want your boys to model.

 

[patandchickens]

To make things worse, the closer one gets to retirement, the more "issues" that begin to show and aggressive folks generally try to take advantage of a worker nearer to retirement in an effort to "save the company money". Hopefully (for both of you) he is "vested" and his retirement is assured or his anxiety level could go "to the roof" if he feels that the retirement for which he has worked so long could be jeopardized.

Sorry but as I said, this is a gov't job, not private sector. In gov't jobs (this kind, anyhow, and it is the same in both US and Canada), the longer you've been there and the closer to retirement, the LESS you have to do. He is un-fireable short of gross malfeasance, and retirement benefits are generous and guaranteed (and he will max them out ~6 yrs from now, although will presumably keep working beyond that since mortgage still has 11+ yrs to go).

I apologize for the long, wordy posts, but things like this are not solved with "one-liners" or diatribes about those who attempt to be helpful.

Yeah, but neither are they solved by trying to psychoanalize the deeper motives of individuals whom you've never encountered in any way shape or form... nor are they solved by leaping to conclusions in the absence of the necessary information.

I appreciate your helpful intentions, but it just doesn't help much to be "submitting" digressive and generally-far-off-the-mark conclusions on things about you can't possibly know aobut one way or the other.

Whereas many of the "one-liners" you disparage HAVE actually been quite valuable

And anyhow, I was asking about how to RAISE THE KIDS (a topic you have generally avoided other than to second another post's suggestions), not what-all you're going on about.

Thank you for your concern for my husband,

Pat

 

[patandchickens]

Many thanks to miss_thenorth, dragonlaurel, and Kim_NC for the concrete examples/suggestions. That is what I find really really helpful at times like this -- sort of templates for doing things in real-life situations. I need to (and will!) re-read these posts enough times to be able to have those things come to mind as the need arises

Also I am enough a weenie, at least at times like this, to really really appreciate the 'you can do it' kind of messages. It makes a difference

Feeling a bit better about things again (although last night I discovered that my husband had still not returned the phone call of the woman he ran into to tell her she should go ahead and get the work done by the place that did the estimate -- sheez!),

Pat

 

[pioneergirl]

Pat, irregardless of everything else, I think you've got all of this under control. You are a strong woman, and you'll be fine no matter what goes on. I know we all, as women, feel a bit overwhelmed or at a loss for what to do.....you've got good friends on here and we're all looking out for each other.

 

[kcsunshine]

I knew when I first read the header or your post - opinions? you were in for a lot of different ones. Oops, I said to myself, that's the one thing we all have plenty of, right or wrong.

I wish you luck with your children - I have no doubt you will do the right thing in raising them your way. I can only second everyone else who told you to be sure they are self sufficient. They'll thank you and their spouses will love you for it.

My grandmother taught each of her boys to cook for themselves, iron their clothes, sew on buttons, darn socks and all three of them are the best husbands I've ever seen.

and I'm sorry we tried to steer you in all the ways we thought you should go instead of give you a guiding/helping hand in the way you needed to go.

 

[patandchickens]

I knew when I first read the header or your post - opinions? you were in for a lot of different ones. Oops, I said to myself, that's the one thing we all have plenty of, right or wrong.

Yup, very true, and I *did* know what I was 'asking for' when I posted this

and I'm sorry we tried to steer you in all the ways we thought you should go instead of give you a guiding/helping hand in the way you needed to go.

Your 'dealing with difficult people' comments were something I really needed to hear [again, and again, and again LOL]; you are 100% right, it is just hard to remember to DO that every time

And it is quite possible that everyone who has suggested taking a different direction vis-a-vis the whole marriage thing might be right too, it's just not something that seems like the right thing to do at this point in time. Hard to know how much I say that for the kids' sake vs how much I say that out of selfish practicality, but, either way, here I am.

It is nice to be able to say things and (mostly <g>) feel UNDERSTOOD

Thanks y'all,

Pat

 

[Blackbird]

:/
I guess I might have come off wrong too.

Sorry Pat! It all seemed relevant to me..!

 

[patandchickens]

No no no, Blackbird, I was *not* meaning to complain *in the least* about any other posts, ALL of them really WERE helpful and much appreciated!

Pat

 

[xpc]

I thought the header on the post said onions and sure wouldn't have came in here otherwise, them Canadian women will wrestle the blubber off a bull walrus just for some cracklings chaw. So I sure ain't gonna say anything to offend them unless they tells me to first.

 

[miss_thenorth]

I thought the header on the post said onions and sure wouldn't have came in here otherwise, them Canadian women will wrestle the blubber off a bull walrus just for some cracklings chaw. So I sure ain't gonna say anything to offend them unless they tells me to first.

LOL!!!!!!!!!