nice on the quinoa, thatll be cool in the greenhouse
plus i know once you remove the seeheads the stalks can be dried like hay/straw and used for bedding/snackage for the piggies!
today...i just dunno...im having a rough mental health day aparently...i just WANT it to rain, im not talking the little drizzle my little town has been getting (seems like every town around me is getting storms and im stuck in some little vortex) but a serious drenhing COOLING rain, i feel so...well...dry...this past few days. mabe as a brit is NEED rain like most people need Sun...an evolutionary flaw to keep brits from drowning ourselves thanks to the weather mabe?!
every little thing happy or sad or heck even halfway normal makes me tear up...i find any kind of energy and nothing seems worth it...
yesterdays fiasco with my card getting turned down probably didnt help...as an agoraphobe ANY kind of "social" outing is incredibly difficult, and as someone with severe social anxiety the idea of people noticing me in any way makes me tremble in fear...and to have my card declined in a store full of people, to have them all staring and whispering and making little comments (or sme even grinning like they take pleasure in it) it was, to be honest, as sily as it may sound...a nightmare...i wanted to cry, i dont even know how i managed to put a fake smile on my face and say "oh its no problem i know theres enough in there must be a blnk screw up ill go talk tothem now" to the guy on the register as he tried 3 times to get it to accept...cant tell you how much i just wanted to swipe that card and run out crying...
and i think if it wasnt for the fact that the other woman who works register knows me well enough to say "no, that cant be right, shes here every month and never has issues" i probably would have just found a little spot to curlup and die...
I made it back to the car in one peice and held it together long enough to get to the bank, get the statment and get the kitten on his way home...get my groceries form wallmart all the whilein the midst of a mild anxiety attack....and got back into my car and just broke...
had nightmares about it last night, just couldnt sleep and when i did i kept reliving the eyes boaring into my skull, and of course, at that point it bame even worse in my brain as MORE people were there, and like all anxiety based dreams before the end of the night i was in the store being stared at turned down AND naked...(and noone wants to see that, belive me...)
left me in a real funk today as the thought of having to go back up there in the next few days to actually buy the food is making my skin crawl...
either way, dozer is proving hes got potential as my psych dog if we can get him through the public acess problems..
usually hes happy to go sprawl out anywhere, he'll chase the cats, lay by the bedroom gate (ac breeze lol)
today hes my footstool, hes under my legs, every so often he'll get up, give me a lick and then back under my legs...
definatly "clingy" which is realy not like him.
i think when i finally get the courage to go back up there (probably this afternoon as i realy need shavings and i dont think ive got enough food to last to monday) ill take him with me...if nothign else, hes a distraction for everyone else...
but enough of that, oh woe is me, bull...
just proves i need to get my butt back to the psych and go from there...
not much going on here, there saying storms will be popping up all afternoon...hoping some of those will clear the air a bit...
got to get dog food and shavings, oh and food for jack jack...but otherwise shouldnt have too many owies on the regular budget...got lots fo yummy fresh stuff yesterday, and blew almost 1/2 my monthly food budget...yup so much for "eating healthy" no wonder obesitiy is such a problem...barely covered the bottom of my car and it cost $50...all i got was ome grapes, banannas, strawberries lettuce ect...and all were on sale too! woman infront of me had her cart loaded with break, pasta, snack cakes ect, i mean she couldnt haveput anythign else in her cart, no coupons either and it came to just a little over $100...WTF?! you TRY to eat healthier and it costs a small fortune, and they wonder why people on food stamps tend to buy junk food and heavy carb items...rice, beans, pasta, snack cakes...thats what food stamp amounts are based on....you want a diet heavy in fresh produce, ow in carbs and grains...yeah...not so much with the budget frinedly.
anywho...thankfully ive got some "back stock" in the pantry fridge and freezer so food budget shouldnt be too bad, and at least i can enjoy fresh yummy good stuff at the beginning of the month even if i have to resort to rice and beans by the last 2 weeks lol.
crazy crazy food based world we live in...you know if humans didnt have to eat to survive...we'd probably be rich
Oh...and some oat seed, I wanna try grains SO BAD this year! So, I am.
I currently have exactly 99 cents in the bank :/ makes me wanna cry, but I don;t get paid to cry, so I'm not wasting any effort on it 
