Stress...how do you deal with it?

[smackiesmommy]

I'm sure that I'm not the only one here who feels like they do EVERYTHING. The clothes and the dishes and taking care of the child. Then there is cooking and taking care of the animals and garden and balance the budget for the house. Buying everything needed in the house and the odd jobs that have to be done. I feel like am about to pull my hair out...how do you guys deal with the stress?

 

[Bettacreek]

Well, I gave the ex-husband the boot when it came to that... As for stress, find something you like to do. Even if it's just half an hour in the tub with some oatmeal (put it in a clean sock or something) and candles.

 

[Denim Deb]

Canoe, motorcycle, horse. Plain and simple. If I'm riding or canoeing, I feel the stress melt away.

 

[justusnak]

I too know what you are going through...altho our children are grown and on their own now. I do the finances, all animal chores, garden, house, cleaning, cooking, and deal with all family matters, parties,birthdays,holidays etc. Hubby...well...he works..and does about half the yard work. For me...I go to the barn, and sit with my animals. My sheep are great destressers. They know when I am at whits end..and I will sit on the tree stump in the pasture, they will come over and just lay their heads in my lap, and let me love on them.

 

[Wannabefree]

I just try to remember this life is temporary and I will NOT be picking up after folks on the other side....I hope

Seriously though, I write, get it all out on a piece of paper, then burn it. When you have a visual of all your problems going up in smoke, it does make ya feel better

 

[moolie]

I'm probably lucky in this department, as hubs and I share the household tasks (even if he needs to be nagged, er, reminded from time to time). We set clear guidelines when we got married and have kept to the same "jobs" around the house ever since. And our teens now take up a lot of the slack because they do their own laundry, do the dishes, mow the lawn, and a few other chores as needed. They've always had responsibilities, starting with making beds, cleaning rooms, putting dirty and clean laundry in its place, wiping counters, helping with dishes, making their own school lunches (grade 2), helping with cooking, baking on their own (grade 4), etc. over the years.

We don't sweat the small things in our family--if the dishes don't get done one evening, or there are other more important things to do before housework, we put our time into the important things. We make sure that we LIVE life, not just let it slide by while we're "busy". No one has ever starved, not had clean clothes (even if a teen had to wear something again and do a load of laundry after school), or suffered any other real hardship.

Early on when my kids were little someone told me that life has one rule, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" and that sometimes Moms need to take care of themselves in order to take care of everyone else. Are you taking care of yourself? Getting enough sleep, not trying to cram too many hours into a day, taking a moment here and there to just breathe and smell the roses?

I totally don't know your situation so I hope I'm not way off the mark here...

Is the stress you feel because someone else has high standards for you to meet, or because you've put pressure on yourself to get a certain amount done every day? You know, the Martha Stewart syndrome--needing everything to be perfect.

Can your hubs take on a few more tasks? Can you let some things slide a bit in favour of a sanity break here and there? Even if it's just coffee with friends while your child/ren is/are at school/a friend's house.

 

[so lucky]

good advice, moolie

 

[Joel_BC]

And our teens now take up a lot of the slack because they do their own laundry, do the dishes, mow the lawn, and a few other chores as needed. They've always had responsibilities, starting with making beds, cleaning rooms, putting dirty and clean laundry in its place, wiping counters, helping with dishes, making their own school lunches (grade 2), helping with cooking, baking on their own (grade 4), etc. over the years.

Very familiar... essentially, this is how I was raised. Make the bed, pick up your toys and sports equipment, put your dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, set the table before dinner, feed the pets, sometimes run the vacuum cleaner, etc. Later, it included watering and mowing the lawn, washing the family car. At about 12 (I believe) I started getting an allowance of $1.25/week - and that hinged on decent performance with the chores. (The allowance increased in time... but then came my first wage jobs.)

These things help Mom & Dad out and allow the kid to feel useful and part of the home in an important way... and convey the reality that it takes effort to live.

I'm probably lucky in this department, as hubs and I share the household tasks (even if he needs to be nagged, er, reminded from time to time). We set clear guidelines when we got married and have kept to the same "jobs" around the house ever since.

It's tricky to advise anyone about how marriage should work. I won't go there. But I'll mention how it has worked in our household. My wife and I both do cooking and house tidying, as well as yard and garden (food & decorative) work. She shops more and writes more cheques for bills that come in, and I do heavy outdoor work (lifting and carrying larger things, running the homestead machinery, doing carpentry, plumbing, and electrical work, maintaining the homestead equipment, etc).

Arrangements like this help to manage the physical and mental aspects of daily living, in my experience.

But, things that help to dispel stress?... watching nature, looking at the sky, taking a hike or bike ride, going fishing, occasionally going to a local cafe and visiting with people you don't see too often, maybe finding time for a hobby.

 

[FarmerChick]

find that hobby you LOVE. do it. make the time and don't look back or feel guilty for giving that time.

IF YOU feel you can't find time, then YOU ARE doing too much. LET something go and stand back and friggin' enjoy life. cause if you don't it will be over before you know it all the while you saying, 'where did it go and why didn't I have some fun'

 

[moolie]

It's tricky to advise anyone about how marriage should work. I won't go there. But I'll mention how it has worked in our household. My wife and I both do cooking and house tidying, as well as yard and garden (food & decorative) work. She shops more and writes more cheques for bills that come in, and I do heavy outdoor work (lifting and carrying larger things, running the homestead machinery, doing carpentry, plumbing, and electrical work, maintaining the homestead equipment, etc).

Arrangements like this help to manage the physical and mental aspects of daily living, in my experience.

But, things that help to dispel stress?... watching nature, looking at the sky, taking a hike or bike ride, going fishing, occasionally going to a local cafe and visiting with people you don't see too often, maybe finding time for a hobby.

I certainly don't mean to tell anyone that our way is the only way, merely that good communication and some sort of division of labour have been very important in our life together

smackiesmommy, you asked about "the stress" in relation to all of the things you need to get done in a day--I truly hope I didn't overstep with my comments, as I thought I was answering the original question--but probably got carried away.

As to regular stress relief, I really enjoy a good hard run on the bike through the local park system to get my body working out and my energy levels back up, and I also love to disappear into a good book or movie when I need some time away from the rest of life. A long soak in the bathtub with a book before bed always makes me sleep like a baby, and no one (other than the cat) ever disturbs me while I'm in the tub. A sappy historical fiction movie (I love Jane Austen stories and similar) is also a great relaxer for me--we have Netflix and I think we get far more than our money's worth out of it each month