FarmerJamie
Mr. Sensitive
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I did too.abifae said:
After all, we are family!
Wannabefree...guess what I got in the mail today!?!?!?!?
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After all, we are family!
hillfarm
Lovin' The Homestead
Teenage girls are designed to aggrevate the crap out of their mothers. Its their sole function.
My oldest is 21 nearly and still drives me bat crap crazy. So Im waiting for the frontal lobe thing. Maybe.....
Just know that in a few years you can set that onery strong willed woman on the world and they can deal with it. LOL.
Here's to kids, grey hair and motherhood.
Oh and I take great pleasure in knowing that that hateful lil brat, that I love down to my toes, will some day be a mom too, heheee. Hope she enjoys the ride....
Does that make me evil. Bwaaahhha.
My oldest is 21 nearly and still drives me bat crap crazy. So Im waiting for the frontal lobe thing. Maybe.....
Just know that in a few years you can set that onery strong willed woman on the world and they can deal with it. LOL.
Here's to kids, grey hair and motherhood.
Oh and I take great pleasure in knowing that that hateful lil brat, that I love down to my toes, will some day be a mom too, heheee. Hope she enjoys the ride....
Does that make me evil. Bwaaahhha.
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Wannabefree
Little Miss Sunshine
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That aint evil...I hope DD has one JUST like herhillfarm said:
I love this little twit too, but can't wait till I don't have to put up with the hormones. She has been at it for about 3 years already
Icu4dzs
Super Self-Sufficient
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I remember when my DD28 was about 16. She was such a even tempered child even then. I used to go to Happy Hour at the Officer's Club on base so I could have some social time with the pilots I took care of and would often sit and have their wives tell me about how awful their teenagers were. I listened intently and quietly thought to myself "Why don't I have this problem? Everyone else seems to have the same complaint". Uh Oh, you must be saying...Here it comes...
The truth is that I have always believed (and I know I will be severely flamed by all y'all for this one) that children simply "play back the movies they see at home". It is that simple for a lot of things. How do they learn to do these things? 
They watch them!! They see what others (i.e. parents) do and imitate that because most of them are too young to be "that creative or theatrical!"
I know, all y'all are going to hate me for a while after this one but it really is true. Children don't make things up. They learn them. They learn what they see and because the folks they are learning it from are their most important role models and the ones they spend their entire lives trying to please, they think that is "OK" to do.
Children spend their lives seeking the blessing of their parents. If they never get it, they become frustrated and angry and will sometimes just give up trying. 
Now to add insult to injury, it is usually the "first-born" who does it the most because the others aren't around to see it yet and the first-born gets all the parental attention, good or bad. Everyone takes out all their "learning" on the first child. As the others come into their lives, the frustration and fear of not knowing what to do diminishes. You know, by the time the 4th kid gets a fever and cough, the doctor gets almost NO phone calls in the middle of the night. It may be a little different in folks who grew up in very large families because they usually get some responsibility taking care of younger siblings during that time thus getting a taste of parenting (apprenticeship if you will) and when they get their own children have a little experience under their belt.
It starts very early in life. I am NOT saying y'all are a bunch of flaming, cursing screamers, but think about it. Did your child ever see you get really upset
with your DH/SO? Do you ever remember really letting off some MAJOR 
steam in front of them? If you did, then that is the movie that the child saw and learned from the most important role model in their lives.It is also true that the frustration we all feel at one time or another comes into play as well. While we are teenagers, we still have no true authority over our own lives. 
Mom and Dad are still "the boss" and we (feeling "almost grown up) think we should have much more autonomy in our lives and decision making. How many times have you used the expression " 
...Not while you are living under my roof" to one of them? Any chance they developed a little hostility and frustration about that? Grounding them till October certainly will add to the Frustration they feel. It is like throwing gasoline on the fire. Yup, it gets all that much more destructive.
One of my favorite scenes in a TV show I only saw once was a show called "The Nanny". A gal named Fran Drescher plays a JAP (with a very heavy New York City accent) who is working as a governess for a very wealthy guy (who she is trying to get him to marry her) but the episode I saw had her standing there AFTER issuing some directive with "reasoning that sounded rather wise" saying "MOM, STOP TALKING WITH MY MOUTH" because she realized that she was telling the children the same things her mother told her. It really does work that way. We see and hear those movies and they STICK!!!!
Now I am not suggesting that the behaviors that all teen agers display are completely and solely the product of watching their parents because they may see other adults where they go to see their friends, but they also see this stuff on TV and adults demonstrate these behaviors there and often the behaviors are violent and destructive. It doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to have heard Jackie Gleason tell Audrey Meadows "One of these days Alice, RIGHT TO THE MOON!" with what appeared to be clear intent of violence against his wife for some frustration she caused him and know that some child heard that adult say that to his wife and figure it is OK to say it to others. In fact the other day I saw the funniest cartoon with two astronauts in pressure suits on the moon looking at the body of a woman dressed in a gingham dress lying there on the surface of the moon and the one astronaut says to the other, "It's Alice Kramden!"
OK, now that y'all have finished throwing rotten eggs and spoiled tomatoes at me, just think about what I said in a sort of "reflective manner" and remember back to when these teenagers were young, watching the things that YOU and you DH/SO did/said to each other. If you ever played one of "THOSE" movies for the child, you must remember how impressive they were for the child whose only role models were the people in that movie. It may help you understand what you are going through now...
And always remember the most famous parent's curse to a child, "Someday, I hope you have kids JUST LIKE YOU!!"
ETA: and don't think this is only about girl children either. Boy children have a completely different set of "behaviors" to frustrate you to no end. Remember if you have a boy child, you only have to worry about ONE, if you have a girl child, you have to worry about thousands...
OK, I'll quit and go back to my cave and hide now.... or go watch "Dr. Phil" and see if I can learn something useful...
Trim sends cautiously
//BT//
The truth is that I have always believed (and I know I will be severely flamed by all y'all for this one)
that children simply "play back the movies they see at home". It is that simple for a lot of things. How do they learn to do these things? They watch them!! They see what others (i.e. parents) do and imitate that because most of them are too young to be "that creative or theatrical!" I know, all y'all are going to hate me for a while after this one but it really is true. Children don't make things up. They learn them. They learn what they see and because the folks they are learning it from are their most important role models and the ones they spend their entire lives trying to please, they think that is "OK" to do.
Children spend their lives seeking the blessing of their parents. If they never get it, they become frustrated and angry and will sometimes just give up trying. Now to add insult to injury, it is usually the "first-born" who does it the most because the others aren't around to see it yet and the first-born gets all the parental attention, good or bad. Everyone takes out all their "learning" on the first child. As the others come into their lives, the frustration and fear of not knowing what to do diminishes. You know, by the time the 4th kid gets a fever and cough, the doctor gets almost NO phone calls in the middle of the night. It may be a little different in folks who grew up in very large families because they usually get some responsibility taking care of younger siblings during that time thus getting a taste of parenting (apprenticeship if you will) and when they get their own children have a little experience under their belt.It starts very early in life. I am NOT saying y'all are a bunch of flaming, cursing screamers, but think about it. Did your child ever see you get really upset
with your DH/SO? Do you ever remember really letting off some MAJOR steam in front of them? If you did, then that is the movie that the child saw and learned from the most important role model in their lives.It is also true that the frustration we all feel at one time or another comes into play as well. While we are teenagers, we still have no true authority over our own lives. Mom and Dad are still "the boss" and we (feeling "almost grown up) think we should have much more autonomy in our lives and decision making. How many times have you used the expression " ...Not while you are living under my roof" to one of them? Any chance they developed a little hostility and frustration about that? Grounding them till October certainly will add to the Frustration they feel. It is like throwing gasoline on the fire. Yup, it gets all that much more destructive. One of my favorite scenes in a TV show I only saw once was a show called "The Nanny". A gal named Fran Drescher plays a JAP (with a very heavy New York City accent) who is working as a governess for a very wealthy guy (who she is trying to get him to marry her) but the episode I saw had her standing there AFTER issuing some directive with "reasoning that sounded rather wise" saying "MOM, STOP TALKING WITH MY MOUTH" because she realized that she was telling the children the same things her mother told her. It really does work that way. We see and hear those movies and they STICK!!!!
Now I am not suggesting that the behaviors that all teen agers display are completely and solely the product of watching their parents because they may see other adults where they go to see their friends, but they also see this stuff on TV and adults demonstrate these behaviors there and often the behaviors are violent and destructive. It doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to have heard Jackie Gleason tell Audrey Meadows "One of these days Alice, RIGHT TO THE MOON!" with what appeared to be clear intent of violence against his wife for some frustration she caused him and know that some child heard that adult say that to his wife and figure it is OK to say it to others. In fact the other day I saw the funniest cartoon with two astronauts in pressure suits on the moon looking at the body of a woman dressed in a gingham dress lying there on the surface of the moon and the one astronaut says to the other, "It's Alice Kramden!"
OK, now that y'all have finished throwing rotten eggs and spoiled tomatoes at me, just think about what I said in a sort of "reflective manner" and remember back to when these teenagers were young, watching the things that YOU and you DH/SO did/said to each other. If you ever played one of "THOSE" movies for the child, you must remember how impressive they were for the child whose only role models were the people in that movie. It may help you understand what you are going through now...
And always remember the most famous parent's curse to a child, "Someday, I hope you have kids JUST LIKE YOU!!"
ETA: and don't think this is only about girl children either. Boy children have a completely different set of "behaviors" to frustrate you to no end. Remember if you have a boy child, you only have to worry about ONE, if you have a girl child, you have to worry about thousands...
OK, I'll quit and go back to my cave and hide now.... or go watch "Dr. Phil" and see if I can learn something useful...
Trim sends cautiously
//BT//
I hate to say, some kids are wired to be argumentative and opinionated- it is their personality. My ex left when my daughter was 2, and it was sort of a shock because we didn't fight or disagree about too much. We were just too different to live together. And my daughter had her opinions about EVERYTHING before then. I did see an escalation of the trying to please daddy syndrome after I was a single parent. Pink everything and dressing up for visits -which disappeared around 11 or 12 when she really realized that our son was the "favored one". After that she was anti-whatever both of us did!
She is still totally opinionated, but she has learned to not yell so much about them.
She is still totally opinionated, but she has learned to not yell so much about them.
hillfarm
Lovin' The Homestead
I dont think your off at all with your logic.
I do think there is a natural need for teen girls to pull away from mom. And its not always the mom's temper. My mother was a very calm woman and she never yelled ( except for the one time she threw cheese, but thats another story) LOL.
She endured so much greif from both me and my sister. I still apologize for our behavior.
But I do know that I went threw a nasty divorce when she was a preteen. She saw a lot of bad behavior on my part. She also went from a very comfy large brick home to govt. housing. She went threw hell. But, I always fed and clothed and housed her. I did all I could to give her as much as I could, but she has never forgiven me for changing her lifestyle. But she didnt realize that leaving the mean hubby meant losing our lifestyle. She blamed me for not being able to keep her rich.
I used to come home from job #3 and walk into a house that a bomb went off in and listen to her tell me she wasnt cleaning up this crap hole, that was my job. She was an accomplished button pusher. I taught her well
I do think kids are a reflection of their enviornment. But I also think they are pre programmed with certain personallities. My oldest has always been hard to deal with. She would tell me to stop hugging her when she was a toddler. She is a very independant and strong willed soul. Some people are just easier to deal with.
My current teen is wonderful. She's occasionally hormonal and she just says "Mom, Im grumpy and I'm sorry but I need an hour to chill, then I promise I will do- whatever chore I gave her." and she does just that. She hugs me alot, and lets me hug on her. She's kind and thoughtful. She's got a personality I have always enjoyed. So i do think its a combo.
I do think there is a natural need for teen girls to pull away from mom. And its not always the mom's temper. My mother was a very calm woman and she never yelled ( except for the one time she threw cheese, but thats another story) LOL.
She endured so much greif from both me and my sister. I still apologize for our behavior.
But I do know that I went threw a nasty divorce when she was a preteen. She saw a lot of bad behavior on my part. She also went from a very comfy large brick home to govt. housing. She went threw hell. But, I always fed and clothed and housed her. I did all I could to give her as much as I could, but she has never forgiven me for changing her lifestyle. But she didnt realize that leaving the mean hubby meant losing our lifestyle. She blamed me for not being able to keep her rich.
I used to come home from job #3 and walk into a house that a bomb went off in and listen to her tell me she wasnt cleaning up this crap hole, that was my job. She was an accomplished button pusher. I taught her well
I do think kids are a reflection of their enviornment. But I also think they are pre programmed with certain personallities. My oldest has always been hard to deal with. She would tell me to stop hugging her when she was a toddler. She is a very independant and strong willed soul. Some people are just easier to deal with.
My current teen is wonderful. She's occasionally hormonal and she just says "Mom, Im grumpy and I'm sorry but I need an hour to chill, then I promise I will do- whatever chore I gave her." and she does just that. She hugs me alot, and lets me hug on her. She's kind and thoughtful. She's got a personality I have always enjoyed. So i do think its a combo.
Quail_Antwerp
Cold is on the Right, Hot is on The Left
My oldest will be 13 in a few months, so I am guessing I have this to look forward to myself - so no real advice, but lots of hugs.
But I understand being stressed and under pressure - which is why I am so thankful that we got to have a splurged day out yesterday!
framing fowl
On a mission
Her reaction is uncalled for but kids making fun of kids is not necessarily whoopity doooo in my book. It can leave a huge mark. Are they making fun of her because her clothes aren't brand name? Is her hair and makeup or lack of not "in". Does she bring it on herself by being insecure and thus an easy target? Does she dish it out and can't take it when they dish back? Does she go to a small high scool -which only makes the problems worse because there is no getting away from each other?Wannabefree said:Found out what has been bugging her. Kids have been making fun of her at school. Whoopity Dooooo! Kids make fun of ya=make parents lives a living hell for the weekend and destroy something. Makes. perfect. sense.
If you can figure out why they're making fun of her, it might help. Not that she needs name brand clothes to impress people but maybe a little boost of self -esteem might be in order. Maybe some makeup lessons or maybe she is just bringing it upon herself. I don't know. Some people are able to just shake teasing off and it doesn't bother them but it does wound some people quite deeply. It sounds like she was quite upset over how lightly you were taking something that was a big deal to her.
I'm not a mom, but I was a teenage girl once.
AnnaRaven
Lovin' The Homestead
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A lot of it has to do with the individual kid, rather than the family "example". My DD has never been a speck of trouble. Down to earth, thoughtful, considerate. DS, otoh, has always been difficult. More sensitive, prone to meltdowns, etc. Part of it is that he's on the autistic spectrum, but part of it is just *him*. He's always been exceedingly, extremely, whatever-age-he's-going-through. When he was 2 he was *VERY* 2. Now that he's a teen, he's VERY teen. Same upbringing, but they've had almost polar opposite temperaments since they came out, literally.Icu4dzs said:I remember when my DD28 was about 16. She was such a even tempered child even then. I used to go to Happy Hour at the Officer's Club on base so I could have some social time with the pilots I took care of and would often sit and have their wives tell me about how awful their teenagers were. I listened intently and quietly thought to myself "Why don't I have this problem? Everyone else seems to have the same complaint". Uh Oh, you must be saying...Here it comes...
The truth is that I have always believed (and I know I will be severely flamed by all y'all for this one)
<snip>
Trim sends cautiously
//BT//
AnnaRaven
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Great points.framing fowl said:Her reaction is uncalled for but kids making fun of kids is not necessarily whoopity doooo in my book. It can leave a huge mark. Are they making fun of her because her clothes aren't brand name? Is her hair and makeup or lack of not "in". Does she bring it on herself by being insecure and thus an easy target? Does she dish it out and can't take it when they dish back? Does she go to a small high scool -which only makes the problems worse because there is no getting away from each other?Wannabefree said:Found out what has been bugging her. Kids have been making fun of her at school. Whoopity Dooooo! Kids make fun of ya=make parents lives a living hell for the weekend and destroy something. Makes. perfect. sense.
If you can figure out why they're making fun of her, it might help. Not that she needs name brand clothes to impress people but maybe a little boost of self -esteem might be in order. Maybe some makeup lessons or maybe she is just bringing it upon herself. I don't know. Some people are able to just shake teasing off and it doesn't bother them but it does wound some people quite deeply. It sounds like she was quite upset over how lightly you were taking something that was a big deal to her.
Ladies - remember those times of the month when you're the most hormonal, or when you were pregnant, and you would suddenly start bawling over the littlest things or be so extremely irritable that you go into a rage over the littlest things? That's teen age years. Hormones doing that randomly over a period of years, rather than the expected monthly hit. So yeah - I cut a lot of slack to the teens over the hormones. Doesn't mean I let them get away with it, but help them understand in advance that they'll get hit with it and sometimes need to take a chill-pill until they've recovered and can think again.
