Wannabefree...guess what I got in the mail today!?!?!?!?

[abifae]

My dad had 5 kids. My older brother and 2 daughters and 2 step daughters.

So we all had the same parents. He says *I* was the EASY one. Just let you all think about that and picture the horrors that my siblings must be.

 

[Wannabefree]

Found out what has been bugging her. Kids have been making fun of her at school. Whoopity Dooooo! Kids make fun of ya=make parents lives a living hell for the weekend and destroy something. Makes. perfect. sense.

Her reaction is uncalled for but kids making fun of kids is not necessarily whoopity doooo in my book. It can leave a huge mark. Are they making fun of her because her clothes aren't brand name? Is her hair and makeup or lack of not "in". Does she bring it on herself by being insecure and thus an easy target? Does she dish it out and can't take it when they dish back? Does she go to a small high scool -which only makes the problems worse because there is no getting away from each other?

If you can figure out why they're making fun of her, it might help. Not that she needs name brand clothes to impress people but maybe a little boost of self -esteem might be in order. Maybe some makeup lessons or maybe she is just bringing it upon herself. I don't know. Some people are able to just shake teasing off and it doesn't bother them but it does wound some people quite deeply. It sounds like she was quite upset over how lightly you were taking something that was a big deal to her.

I'm not a mom, but I was a teenage girl once.

I say whoopity doo (HERE, not to her) because she has always gotten made fun of a little and now suddenly she is SOOOOO sensitive. She is constantly angry. No, her clothes aren't name brand, and will not be as long as she lives here, she wears no makeup because we don't allow that yet, she's only 14. My baby is a know it all and speaks her mind. I have a very strong feeling the kids are picking on her appearance because she is getting on their nerves. She's too smart for her own good and doesn't know how to temper it. She doesn't understand when to shut it. She has never been one that cared much what others thought of her, and her outwardness about her opinions shows that. She will argue her point with a CROWD of folks who believe exactly the opposite, and never bat an eyelash. I don't think she has a self esteem/confidence issue, I think she doesn't realize where the negativity is stemming from.

Icu4dzs, I agree. This is a step child, and acts just like her bio mother, who when she used to get mad, would throw things into the wall, slam things around, scream, and display all kinds of physical aggression. Unfortunately this child has always been like this, and lacks self control in a lot of circumstances. She learned it early on. I think too she holds onto a lot of that as being okay because it is all she remembers of her mother. She was 4 when she left, and hasn't seen her since, and I often wonder what that has done to this child. She used to call DD and DD would get irate and aggressive for a week or longer after the phone calls, thus older DD's black eye when she was 10. The inlaws were very permissive about her behavior, but I reinforced that it was not okay, but it still happens. :/ Mixed messages

Older DD rarely had meltdowns, rarely cried, NEVER broke things as retaliation for getting into trouble. Both had the same bio mother/step mom, one just acts more like the bio mother. It's not always nurture. I don't act like that. It took me 45 minutes to hand down punishment last night because I had to cool off first. I sat here and vented with words...to strangers

I don't get it, the child has been outwardly angry for two days over something that never bothered her before *sigh*

 

[framing fowl]

My baby is a know it all and speaks her mind. I have a very strong feeling the kids are picking on her appearance because she is getting on their nerves. She's too smart for her own good and doesn't know how to temper it. She doesn't understand when to shut it. She has never been one that cared much what others thought of her, and her outwardness about her opinions shows that. She will argue her point with a CROWD of folks who believe exactly the opposite, and never bat an eyelash. I don't think she has a self esteem/confidence issue, I think she doesn't realize where the negativity is stemming from.

That was me about to a T. And yes, it was a self-esteem, confidence issue. Maybe hers isn't but I was sort of like the dog that was scared so I lashed out. If I bit first, I wouldn't get bitten...

 

[Wannabefree]

My baby is a know it all and speaks her mind. I have a very strong feeling the kids are picking on her appearance because she is getting on their nerves. She's too smart for her own good and doesn't know how to temper it. She doesn't understand when to shut it. She has never been one that cared much what others thought of her, and her outwardness about her opinions shows that. She will argue her point with a CROWD of folks who believe exactly the opposite, and never bat an eyelash. I don't think she has a self esteem/confidence issue, I think she doesn't realize where the negativity is stemming from.

That was me about to a T. And yes, it was a self-esteem, confidence issue. Maybe hers isn't but I was sort of like the dog that was scared so I lashed out. If I bit first, I wouldn't get bitten...

I dunno. She doesn't seem to have self esteem issues, as much as conceitedness issues. It gets on my nerves sometimes, and I am sure others see it too. I have tried to teach her to keep it down, but she doesn't think there is anything wrong with the way she carries herself. She makes herself a target in that way.

Her mother is pretty narcissistic too. But...her mother is bipolar and paranoid schizophrenic. As is her bio grandmother, uncle, aunt... I just don't know for sure what I am dealing with, and if I can't figure it out, I can't help her. I feel like an awful parent some days :/

 

[abifae]

She probably is full of brain cooties too then Just keep on like you are. This is not acceptable. In her calmer moments keep working on appropriate expressions. Pointless to do that during a meltdown! LOL

 

[Wannabefree]

She probably is full of brain cooties too then Just keep on like you are. This is not acceptable. In her calmer moments keep working on appropriate expressions. Pointless to do that during a meltdown! LOL

Yeah that's what I am afraid of I have no experience dealing with that kind of brain cooties, and am not sure I am cut out for it I figure grounding her made her mad too, but breaking the cabinet being a brat made me angry. I can't afford her stupidity. I just sometimes do not know how to get through her thickness that there are always consequences, and the bigger the infraction, the bigger the consequence. She frustrates me. :/

She has been better today, but she always is when she gets into trouble. As long as she is grounded for something, she is fine. The second she gets off grounding....she pulls something stupid like this. She has been off grounding for a little over a week this time and now she is back to it. I think she likes being in trouble, likes the attention, even negative attention.

I am counting down the years, as bad as that may sound, until this one is out. 3 and half more to go...

 

[abifae]

Maybe you can tell her to simply request that you ground her, instead of making such a fuss?

Well, you put up with ME just fine. I'm all full o' brain cooties. Can't walk an inch through my brain without stepping on thousands of them!!!

Structure. Maybe she is calmer when grounded because it feels like YOU are in control. And as soon as she is in control again, she has a melt down?

Is she able to sit and talk about her mom and brain cooties and what she needs to feel okay? It's a lot to ask an adult, let alone a teenager. I think only young kids can manage it easily.

 

[Wannabefree]

Maybe

Abi, you don't slam my cabinets, give me go to hell looks for saying hello, or yell at me over nothing. It's a little different

That is a possibility She does not do well on her own. Never has. On her own=in trouble, often BIG ttrouble, every. time.

She can't alk about her mother without letting choice words "slip" so we avoid the subject for the most part. Her mother had another child and displayed him like a banner that reads "HA I have your replacement." That was 7 years ago, she is not forgiven yet, and may never be. She is a royal turd. DD despises her. So yeah...I can see WHY my kid has issues, just can't see how to help her

 

[abifae]

Not sure. Let her know you'd be pissed as hell if your mom pulled that s!!t too, but it's YOUR win. Hah. You got this daughter and mom is stuck with the banner ad.

I think she should talk and let out all the choice words. Scream and rant. Holding it in can't be good.

I went through most of my freaking out about my childhood via hallucinations, delusions, and pretty extreme dissociation. Her way actually sounds a bit easier >.>

 

[framing fowl]