what to do when your spouse doesn't "get it"...ss that is!

[lorihadams]

What do you do when you try to be thrifty, or frugal and your spouse just doesn't see the point? I have slowly tried to convert my husband and I have gotten him to recycle most of the time (I still pick stuff out of the trash if I see it in time), he has started to be a little more conscious of what he spends but that is hard cause I do the books, and he usually will donate his used clothes (have to dig some of those out of the trash too).

He will wear something one time and then decide he doesn't like it and get rid of it. I try to get him to try stuff on in the store but he hates trying on clothes. He won't save his receipts so that he can take it back, he just chucks it. He is a paper towel/napkin junkie! I never use them unless i have to clean up runny chicken poo off the porch. I compost and have a worm farm. He will dump everything into the trash. Sometimes I can catch him and he'll save stuff for the chickens or the worms.

I just feel like he doesn't "get it". He constantly buys our kids useless crap and says that "I should be able to spoil my kids if I want to, I might not be here tomorrow." My response to that has always been, "Well, what if you are and they turn into ungrateful, spoiled, wasteful, self-centered brats that are uncontrollable by the time they are teenagers?" He just rolls his eyes.

How do you make them see???

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Thwack him upside the head with a cast iron skillet??

Honestly, I don't know because my husband tends to be more frugal than me, so I haven't experienced this issue.

 

[MorelCabin]

It takes a LONG LONG time...I've been working on mine for about 15 years now...now that the economy is down he is starting to see the sense of some of the things I do, but he isn't worried about his job so he still spends where he wants to and pretty much tells me to as well...

 

[PamsPride]

My DH is sloooooowly coming around!! He scoffs at my ideas until I wear him down and he see things my way!!

 

[FarmerChick]

I know Lori.

Tony does real well on SS like, one week---the all the good he did is cancelled by the NON-SS things the following week...LOL

He doesn't have the killer instinct of more SS than me.

I would love to cancel his cell phone...yea right like that is happening. I would love to cancel directtv--yea right......

He doesn't buy then all of the sudden, BOOM, he spends on useless junk also. I don't know.


I don't know Lori.....I just don't.

Maybe tell him quality time with the kids and not spending, like just playing ball in the yard means more than buying toys. If he does leave this earth tomorrow, the kids will remember him playing more than him buying junk toys. I mentioned something like that to Tony and all I got was a look...HA HA HA

 

[Homesteadmom]

I agree with Karen. My dh has been suffering from severe depression for over 3 yrs now, his best friend died & his mom then crashed & went down hill right after that. Well he pulled away & really was not spending much tme with the kids & I or his mom either(& her days were very numbered & he knew that). Well it has been a battle & ds#2 has been really angry at him & just would not listen to anything he had to say, would question me about his dad in front of his dad instead of asking his dad himself. Well a few weeks ago we had a major blow up & I told him enough was enough, he either started doing something about his depression himself other than just pills(that never wrk 100% anyway) or the kids & I were gone, he could si around in an empty house all alone & have his pity party. It was time he pull himself up by his bootstraps & move forward. Well he no longer after an almost hour drive home from work rushes out to the shop with his cup of coffee to "unwind". He stops & talks to his children, plays with them & pays attention to what they are saying. Guess what ds is responding well, we went to IHOP sat for supper & they were sitting on the same side of the booth & ds slid over & reached out & hugged his dad for no real reason other than he loves him. Ds smiles more now too. DH could buy him everything under the sun he wanted, but ds will remember dad playing ball & video games with him or even pool.
I have always told my children "you know what Mick says", YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT!" If we give them everything how do they learn how to work for & earn something? Plus how do they learn to appreciate anything? Do they really take care of things if they know they will get something new soon anyway for no reason? I know mine won't. My final joke in my funeral directives is for the song by the stones to be played as a dedication to my children(I get the last word on it, ha ha, ha). Hope this helps.

 

[Wifezilla]

Put him on a reasonable allowance. If he blows it on stupid crap, his problem.

 

[sufficientforme]

I have the same issue, however a brief description of my husband life helps me remember why he is the way he is. He grew up fairly poor, always well taken care of just nothing extra. And his job is very dangerous. His philosophy is live life to fullest, like there is no tomorrow which includes spending. He buys what he wants when he wants. As long as he puts 15% of his income in our retirement the rest is fair game. I am the opposite and always have been, I save and LOVE to shop for great deals. I see him over the years improving, but it is a slow process. Just do what you are doing and hopefully he will come around. I think my grandparents were right saying to us kids "marry like minded or it will be a long row to hoe" That darn attraction got in the way!

 

[TanksHill]

I think the whole SS thing is more in a woman's nature. We cook, clean and do the wash. We see the waste and the cost of the things being wasted. If I lived somewhere and my husband was a farmer / hunter he would probably have more SS on the mind. But for now he goes to an office 5 days a week. My husband knows our budget and knows how I handle it, but he wants nothing to do with it. In the past couple of years I have learned to take everything at an easier pace. We had some serious health problem's last year and I guess I am just thankful that his stubborn a@# is still here. I don't harp as much and just do what I can. He appreciates my efforts. We kinda balance each other. A happy medium I guess.

Funny thought, last night at dinner he sat for a couple of minutes staring at the table cloth and fabric napkins with this weird look on his face. About 10 min later hes said "that my sheet". It was rather funny.

 

[Beekissed]

Lori says: ....cause I do the books

My sis had the same problem for a long time, her husband was the worst because his mommy had given him everything he wanted and he just grew up thinking this was the way of the world. One day my sis got the bright idea to turn the budget and the books over to HIM!

He finally saw the light a little and started to do better before he died. A little late, but better than never.

I did the same thing with my kids....just sat down and said, "Here's what I make, here's what we spend....YOU work it out and see if you can do any better!" They suddenly got the big picture and it was comical to see each boy, when it was his turn, worrying and fretting over how to make the ends meet!

I never again heard the whiney phrase, "Why can't we........?"