When do I get to feel smug?

[On Our own]

I have to admit it. I am getting angry and frustrated. DH and I spent better than ten years living very frugally. We saved and scrimped to have enough to build our house. It wasn't the dream house, it was to be the house we could afford.

We did due diligence we did everything, but in the year between when we signed the contract and the construction started the builder overextended himself. Part way through our build he went bankrupt. We nearly lost everything. We had that cushion of savings and we were able to finish the house. We lost a huge amount of money but there was no recovery and MOST painfully people actually blamed us; saying we weren't careful enough or we were stupid to choose that builder. There was nothing we could have done differently.

So here we are now, all of our liquid savings are gone and we are living paycheck to paycheck worrying. A good chunk of our retirement is gone - wiped out in the crash.

So all of those people who lived large these past ten years, going out, buying new cars and furniture were supposed to face the music sometime. So they are, they are living paycheck to paycheck worrying and don't have enough to retire on. But, they have those new cars and the nice stuff. I have neither.

When exactly do I reap the reward for doing the right thing all those years? When do I stop paying the price for other people's lack of wise money moves? I'm just really depressed about it right now.

 

[me&thegals]

Welcome to SS! I'm so sorry to hear about your tough times. It's one thing to live frugally because you want to, quite another to be forced into through someone else's bad choices. At the risk of being annoying and trite, life really is not "fair." I don't know what to add except that I wish you the best. This is a great place for support and good ideas.

 

[Dace]

Sounds like you are having a really bad day.

I am sorry that things went sideways with your build, sometimes seemingly bad things happen and we struggle to understand why....why us? Keep in mind that there is always a plan and things happen for a reason. Perhaps this happened so that you could be a voice of warning to others? It could be years before you can see the reason why, just try to have faith that there is a good reason. Hang in there, good things will happen for you

 

[keljonma]

OOO, it is not a cliche that "life is not fair". It is true. There are many that are in similar situations... they have always been frugal but are still feeling pinched.

Is your house completely paid for - or do you have a mortgage?

If paid for... there is your silver lining.

If you have a mortgage, your silver lining is that you have jobs to pay that mortgage.

Each of us has to decide how to handle these stressful situations...personally I give my worries to the Lord. I wish you peace...

There are many great ideas here on ss that may help you pinch those pennies a bit tighter. This is a great community of caring people.

 

[Buster]

Wow. That is some really bad stuff to happen.

There are many many people out there who have done what they were supposed to do, but because of actions out of their control made by people with no apparent relationship, they are losing everything or almost everything. Because houses were overvalued, and banks made bad loans, and the government failed to do its job as watchdog as well as failed to step in on time, and the economy has taken a nosedive, they are losing their jobs and savings and homes.

Your story is one of many more to come. At least as you said you have lived frugally, and that frugality should stand you in good stead in the coming hard times ahead.

 

[PamsPride]

I totally feel for you!!
My DH worked 13 years for a company then AT&T come and bought the copany out and they cut half the workers! He was one of them!! The NEXT day I found out I was pregnant with our sixth!! My DH was HANDS DOWN THE BEST WORKER THERE!!!!!!!! They kept the guy with less senoirity than him because the company had sent him to school and had to much $$ invested in him! The guy did not even know where the cell sites were! In fact AT&T changed the name of their cell sites around and this guy called my DH LAST WEEK to find out which cell site they were talking about and DH's last day was Aug 1st of 2008!!! Then they kept all of the managment/supervisor positions and just demoted them. But, cut out all of the guys that actually worked!! Thank God he was able to find another job but he had to take a $800 a MONTH paycut...plus lost a company truck, gas card to go with that company truck, laptop, internet, two cell phones, a 35 vacation days a year!! We figure it was nearly $2000 a month when you add it all up in perks and paycut!! He only made $60K a year there.....so it HURTS!! Oh and let's not forget that we now pay MORE for LESS insurance coverage now too!! No dental or vision anymore either! JUST SUCKS!!
OY! Now let's add in all of the medical bills that are rolling in from having the baby!!
But, I do have a beautiful baby....that is my silver lining!! And a wonderful family!! That is my silver lining!! God has taken care of this far and I have faith that He will continue too!

Things will get better!!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

On Our Own, I've been sitting here for several minutes trying to decide how to reply to your original post. The question you have posed resonated deeply with me as it is one I have asked, too.

Our story is a little different, and had much worse of an outcome.

10 years ago my husband and I were living together in our 4 year old home that he had got at the ripe young age of 24. We both worked hard, made payments on time, etc. DH also had a 1992 Chevy Camaro convertible that he'd purchased brand new off the show room floor. It was paid for in '96 after he worked hard and never missed a payment. He also had credit cards, which only hurt him later when the real problems started.

In '96 DH made the one decision that would ruin everything. He used his completely paid for camaro as collatoral on a loan for his brother. BIL refused to pay the loan, so we were paying it. BIL comes to us spring of '98, begs us to let him buy the camaro. We agreed if he took over the loan payments. He said he would (see where this is going?). Two months passed and BIL never made one payment. We took the car back and started sending in double payments to keep car from being repossessed.

By this time BIL is planning his wedding, and we are planning our wedding. BIL gets married in June and we drove the camaro to the wedding. The new SIL decided right then that she wanted our car. When she found out that the car was collateral on BIL's loan, they set into motion our financial ruin. BIL called the bank within days of his wedding and told them to come get the car, no one is going to pay the payments. (We WERE making the payments!)

This would have been forgiveable, IMO, except thanks to a clause called the Acceleration Clause on the mortgage to the house. As soon as the car was repo'ed, the bank called in the note on our home. One month before our wedding, we were homeless.

Now here we are, 10 almost 11 years later, and while our place isn't fancy, we own it. We've never co-signed for family since (not that our credit has fully recovered yet. We had to file bankruptcy the following year). We are HAPPY. We don't have a lot of money, we scrimp and save and recycle nad reuse but we get everything the honest way.

We don't lie, cheat, or steal our way through life. We don't have an outrageous car payment or mortgage we can't afford. We have FIVE gorgeous children...we have a small farm...just a baby farm yet, just getting it's legs like a new foal learning to stand...but it is OURS and we have worked hard for it.

It has taken me a long time to get to where I can even stomach to look at my inlaws. I hate when they come to visit, and I had been bitter for a loooooooong time. I blamed them for everything. I finally gave it to God. And I told my husband that maybe we should let go of our anger and blame, and not dwell on it.

We've never talked to my BIL and SIL about how they made us feel. We pushed it down and buried it and never dealt with it. Part of me wishes we had point blank told them, but it's been so long ago now, I guess I think now why bother?

 

[enjoy the ride]

You can feel smug right now- what happened to you stinks but you were able to weather that storm due to having savings by living within your means. Think what would have happened had you not had that. So your foresight saved you.

Builders are a risky lot- my sister paid $20,000 as a deposit on a log home to be constructed by a man with a sterling reputation- only he disappeared with the money the next week. They got nothing out of it at all- to sue, you have to be able to collect. They would have won their civil suit but would have not been able to collect anything because by the time the man was located, he had nothing.

Hang in there- my parent's were always living from paycheck to paycheck until they retired. Then they really did well. No matter how late, the future may hold what you really want. And it may not be something that money buys at all...................

 

[shareneh]

It is so awful that this happened to your family. I hate when people aren't honest. I think that you need to forgive that builder. If you don't you will carry the burden and it can make you sick. Just let it go. I know that 20,000 is a lot of money but there isn't anything you can do about it now. At least you have your new house and can move forward with other plans. I realize that you have hard feelings for that man but he is the loser in the end, not you.

You and your family have lived within your means and you aren't suffering credit or debt problems, he is. I really don't think you would feel better driving around in a new car or whatever, if you wanted a new car you would have one. Keep your chin up, winter is almost over and you can plant, paint, mow, care for animals, go swimming, whatever floats your boat.

Welcome to the forum

 

[On Our own]

Thanks for the welcome all! I do appreciate it.

I really appreciate the stories you shared and enjoyed the rides comment. You are right, several other families who were under contract with this builder did lose everything. One family lost the land they had already paid for and their entire life savings. We were able to save the land and the house.

I do OK with moving on and forgiving until times like now when things get scary again and I am struggling with a dying car and no cash.

We live in an area that once was farm land. DH grew up here on a farm. Most of the farms around here now are all McMansion developments, so instead of being surrounded by farm folk, we are surrounded now by Mercedes and landscapers trucks and people who look down on my kids for having chickens!

Once a woman looked at me like I was crazy when she came over and I was doing my own gardening! That is part of why I hang out here!! (I've been lurking for a while!)