When is it time for the Rainbow Bridge?

[murphysranch]

Bandito is 13.5. He's been a challenge all his life with us. Biting people. Peeing in the house at night. But he's devoted to me and we've had a good relationship. Now tho......

He's been diagnosed with Cushings Disease recently. He also has liver failure. The first round of pills for $191 for a month worked wonders on the Cushings. They gave me my cattle dog back. They made me go back in after the first two weeks to check the progression. That cost $320. The 30 mg pills are not managing it well. So here's another pill at 10 mg, to give him also. $91 I think. They said I'd need to come back every two weeks to check. That would be $320 every two weeks. I declined to do that. Not to mention the monthly cost of the pills.

Now.....I'm so sick of him. I'm angry all the time. Clearly the 30 mg is not cutting it anymore. He's voracious in his appetite. Tearing up boxes looking for food. At an entire loaf of bread that was packed to go to San Jose. Ate all his rx Galiprant while in San Jose. (I said if he dies then so be it. Not spending thousands at the emerg vet to save him. He didn't die). Ate cat food at son's house, until he had diah for days.

He now cries in the a.m. (6:15 a.m today) waking us up for food. He peed in the hallway, even after I let him out to do his business. I mean, it was 13 hours of pee on the carpet this a.m. at 6:30. His back legs won't let him stand up very long. His right paw sorta curls up and he falls over. Yet he can gallop down the hallway for bfast, lunch snack and dinner. He can trot around the property but has a hard time getting up the stairs to get back to the house.

I'm tired of him.
I'm sick of him.
I'm a selfish mom who wants to have some peace from this dog.
I'm not willing to spend the money for making the last of his life easier for me? What kind of monster am I?

I feel if I put him down, that its only for me. I would feel guilty that I was getting rid of a pest or a thorn in my side.

I don't know what to do.

 

[baymule]

If you have to ask the question, then it’s time. Being pragmatic, the farmer in me says you’ve spent enough to already have bought a new puppy. Your dog is incurable. He will not survive this disease. To treat it is just downright mean. He is not your grandma, he is not human and you cannot explain to him the torture you are putting him through

Take a few steps back in time when he was healthy. Remember him when y’all had fun together. Put yourself in a good frame of mind.

It is not selfish to release him from his pain and suffering. It is not selfish to not spend major portions of your monthly income on propping up a dying dog. It’s reality.

Your anger is misdirected. It is not the dogs fault, nor is it your fault. It just is. Let go of the anger, it is eating your soul. Take a deep breath, pray for peace and do what needs to be done. Bury him in the backyard in a flower bed and plant daffodils over him.

Put him to sleep, lay him to rest and celebrate his life in the spring.

 

[murphysranch]

You all know that we can count on Bay for being the compassionate, truthful, excellent pragmatist that she is.

You've brought tears to my eyes, because I needed these words of wisdom and experience. Thank you for allowing me to release him. Hugs to all my friends here.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I have to agree with FJ. It sounds like his quality of life isn't any better than your quality of life. It may be time. Don't feel bad for wanting to have some peace in your life.

Years ago I worked with a mobile vet. We got called out to euthanize a dog. The owner felt much as you do....but she also felt bad about feeling that way. I'll never forget what the vet told her. He said that there are too many good dogs in the world to be held captive by a bad one.

So sorry you're in this position. Find peace for yourself.

 

[flowerbug]

you might say, "But he's just a dog." but he had a heck of a good life with someone who cared for him when many may have given up on him years ago.

just a dog but there was love and you'll miss him at times and soon forget the worst of it just like many forget childbirth or having their tonsils out or ... we're not really built to dwell on the worst pains for long as we'll just overload. so let him go and love him and his memories but the truth is when it is time to go i wish i could do it as easily for myself as we can for our loved pets. i'm glad you found some peace with the great responses from others. take care of yourself too.

 

[murphysranch]

They moved the appt to 4:45 this afternoon, cus the owner/vet wasn't going to be in today.

So I balanced my emotions with going to get my Grand Dog, Cairo, a Dutch Shepard mix, so he can play all day with Maverick, the 14 month old. They bring joy to us watching them run over the 2 plus acres.

In the meantime, Bandito got a half a pork chop, half a patty of homemade potato pancake and a store bought cookie for lunch. Why the heck not??

 

[baymule]

I’ve never had that happen, ever. How traumatizing for you and him too. Maybe when you have had time to grieve you can get a chuckle out of it. You said it-he went out like he lived. Difficult to the end-on his terms.

Did you really expect anything else?

I’m smiling as I write this, horrifying for sure, but from what you have described, it doesn’t surprise me. He had to throw that one last fit. It could have been the pain and fear he was already suffering and for that, you can smile with love in your heart because he is no longer suffering.

Go outside, put your hands on your head. Pull those last moments, that last bad memory, out of your thoughts. Cup your hands, and bury them under a rock. Sounds silly, but it’s a good mind trick. Decide to remember them no more and only remember the love you shared and love all his quirky ways.

 

[murphysranch]

Thank you all. Thanks especially to Bay. I've used that mind game before.

I was giving a speech to our Franchisees. This was years ago. I mentioned something scientific, and one of the most difficult of the franchisees took disagreement with my comment. He stood up and berated me.

That haunted me the rest of the day, and into sleeping that night. I finally had to grab that berating by the little nub that it was, scrunch it up in my hand, open the hotel door, and throw it really hard down the hall. Worked!

I should do that with Bandito's end of life trauma....

 

[FarmerJamie]

It's a hard decision, sorry. For me, it sounds like it is time. It sounds like he is starting to suffer a bunch.

 

[baymule]

You all know that we can count on Bay for being the compassionate, truthful, excellent pragmatist that she is.

You've brought tears to my eyes, because I needed these words of wisdom and experience. Thank you for allowing me to release him. Hugs to all my friends here.

I am both happy and sad for you. Big hugs.