1/3 Life "Crisis"

[treerooted]

So I know on such a small forum it sucks when people just disappear (even if you have no idea who they are...activity is good), but I've been feeling pretty terrible, mostly stemming from an inability to come to terms with what I want to do with my life. And I'm not any closer now then I was 2 months ago, but I feel mildly better, so there's that.

Um, so ya, I'm actually just saying "hi" again
I hope everyone is well

 

[Mini Horses]

Glad you decided to reappear.

Since my farm plans with my sister fell apart in March I've been feeling pretty lost; I have the absolute luxury of choice and can't seem to get to a place where I can start making decisions

You may want to try to see why you have this situation by making a couple of lists. ONE, the pros and cons of a farm with sister...why you wanted it & planned to do with it.

Then make a list of why it is no longer what you want, to decide if you DO still want the farm/activity you sought, or not, or a modified version. If you still want the farm life, list how you can have it, what to overcome, etc. This should also help you decide if the "farm" is the problem or a disappointment in your sister. Address your true feelings, forgive & move forward. Sometimes writing things down helps us clarify our feelings and work with them.

I wish you the best. Remember, we are always here for you to vent, inquire, & share your progress & challenges. Most of us have been where you are at least once.

 

[baymule]

There is a Winona Judd song that says;
When you hit rock bottom you got 2 ways to go,
Straight up or sideways

Sounds like you've been muddling around sideways. Grab holt of your belt loops, hitch up your britches and get to climbing back up!

Plans fall apart. Things go wrong. Life can get you down. But every day is a brand new day and a brand new start. Life is good.

 

[Mini Horses]

You are on the right path!! You have started. You will do fine. Make & change the lists...analyze the heck out of them. Boils down to moving forward on a slightly different path to your destination.

It is OK the be angry, disappointed, lost, hurt, frustrated and everything else. You can deal with it, define it, acknowledge it. Then accept why YOU feel that YOU were unhappy with "the" decision. Forgive and restructure your plans.

Remember that she has her own feelings & reasons toward the situation. It is NOT about WHO but just deal with forgiving each other over unexpected changes in plans. HUG -- clear the air -- do not place blame. Keep your sister in your life because I know you miss her. Fix it.

By the way, your tomato sauce looked great.

 

[treerooted]

Lol thanks Mini...not sure how well it tuned out, but I figure not too much can go wrong with tomato sauce!

And no worries, things between my sister and I are good; to be honest I'm not sure she realizes how disappointed I was/am. She comes over every week for dinner; I don't treat her any differently then before. But how I think of her has changed...and that's just part of growing up. I'm not totally thrilled at the 20-something she's become, but she suffers from depression too (it, er, runs pretty deep in the family) and hasn't learnt how to manage it yet, and doesn't seem to know herself yet either. And of course, there's some personality traits that I'm not very fond of, which I'm hoping will diminish as she ages. There's certain areas where she needs to mature.
I do want to "clear the air" with her actually, but not now. Right now it would only be to make myself feel better, and I'm not going to vent if it's going to do her more harm then good. At the right time we'll go over everything. And it's certainly not that we can't try again with a farming business, but I won't be counting on that moving forward.

I did have a good talk with her back in March when we broke up our plans; I opened up a lot, and I wanted to make sure we could move forward positively as well as set some ground rules about her living here while she looked for a place. But my impression of her attitude and actions afterward was only made worse...as can happen when you live with someone.


Thanks for the hugs

omg sorry that was so long

 

[sumi]

Sometimes plans going wrong, or things not working out turn into a blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason. Hang in there and stay positive. The others gave you great advice above. As Mini Horses said, we're here if you'd like to talk about anything

And I love the pic!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I agree with everything that's been said. When you get an idea of what you want to do - just take that first step. You don't have to do everything at once. Start small and build on every little victory.

Glad you're back and hope to hear more from you - the good, the bad, and the ugly, lol! Before long I hope the good outweighs the others!

 

[treerooted]

Thanks @Mini Horses , it's true that I still have a few hard feelings towards my sister which is tough because we've always gotten along so well, and there is now this "tarnish" on our relationship. When I go over the situation in my head sometimes I feel pretty frustrated/angry/disappointed. But I know time will ease those feelings, and I know it's up to me to feel better about the situation.

And I did identify the "lost" feeling stemming from the change in plans, but of course the wider issue is my response to such circumstances, which has everything to do with depression and I never know what the catalyst will be. I'm a deep analyzer so I've done exactly what you've suggested....just haven't come up with any conclusions yet! lol

 

[Chic Rustler]

welcome back. I'm not one for sound advice. But I wish you the best!!

 

[Mini Horses]

Girl, you are both YOUNG -- things will be great. LOL Most of us are 2 or 3 times your age. Keep on gettin' up! Life is good.