Anyone else 'going at it alone'?

[canesisters]

It seems that just about everyone references spouses, significant others, kids, parents or other family as sharing chores or helping with the work. I was just wondering how many others out there are doing it alone?
OK... not REALLY alone because of the wealth of info online and neighbors that can be called in occasionally - but getting through the day to day, in & outs alone.

 

[Mini Horses]

@Mini Horses is a super hero doing it alone

Awwwh… thanks! But, really I just plug along like many.

No spouse for many years but, DD & DS will help in emergency (which I try NOT have) and for an occasional "special" task that I may want/need more hands to work. DS is a builder, so when I ask him to help and get nothing going soon enough, I start it and he will come "finish". I had him do the main frame on a small run-in and I sided/roofed it. He owes me big time and I DO PLAY the quilt card if all else fails ! Mostly I do the work and most building/repairs...yeah, you may drive up & find me on the roof! I actually like to do these things. Plus, the animals are mine and not their responsibility. NEITHER wants to milk my goats -- and neither wants any of the milk. Eggs they both take eagerly. Pork, yes, that too...when I send any to butcher. Goat meat, not yet. Haven't let them sneak taste it either.

There are many of us out here "going it alone" at farming & gardening. At some point I suspect I will cut back but, for now I hope to quit one of two jobs within the year. Most likely it will be Spring of 2020 as both are so slow in winter that I only work about 3 days a week. Right now, one job is gearing up for heavy hours and I won't do that next year....I want to be home for earlier goat kidding. Plus I want to retire and stay home to do more with my farm! This year I hope to accomplish more with raising some of the animal feeds needed for winter. Once that works, I'm home!! Plus, tractor gets paid off end of this year. That's a big plus emotionally & financially.

You may need to learn to adapt your way of doing things when you are the sole "doer". And with age, you do learn equipment can be helpful (my tractor!) Personally I feel the farm keeps me young, mentally alert and physically strong...to a degree. Some things get put off, more than you may want...but, done eventually.


The only things about "alone" is that it is more fun in the garden to share with someone "look, the tomatoes are setting fruit", or simple conversation over dinner. I use this forum for much of that "sharing". At least THEY understand how gigantic a thrill it is to pick that first ripe tomato of the season, or understand the heartbreak of losing a newborn kitten, your nights sitting with a sick goat -- or horse, pig, etc. -- and WHY you do it. I've wanted a farm since I was about 5 and since 1970 I have always had one. It's my dream life. No plans to stop. I loaded & unloaded about 800 lbs of hay this morning...alone. At 73 I think I'm doing ok and my animals agree.

 

[Beekissed]

so many times I wish I could "go it alone" just so I could get something done "my way" instead of compromising what I want with what DH thinks need to be done. Many things would be very different and easier without his input - but I do appreciate the fact that he is willing to help. He is stronger than I am, so that is a plus.

I agree with this. Every time I start to feel cheated because I have to do everything alone...and poorly, I might add, as I'm no good at construction...I always remind myself of how many women have to ask permission to do this or that on the land, have to wait upon the time or will of a man in order to proceed on such things, etc.

Freedom to do what one wants, when one wants to do it, however one wants to do it is a great trade off. No one criticizing technique or design, no one expressing doubts if something will work or not, etc. To me, that's priceless.

Many is the time over the years I've lamented not having a husband, a working partner to help me in my life....but now I just thank God my prayers were not answered in the way I had wanted. I've learned a lot, I've learned that if I want something done I don't wait around for someone else to do it or help me do it, and I've learned the sweet value of being alone, working alone and enjoying the fruits of my labor alone.

 

[Mini Horses]

He is stronger than I am, so that is a plus.

My tractor is named "Arnie" … after Arnold S...the terminator.

Many is the time over the years I've lamented not having a husband, a working partner to help me in my life....but now I just thank God my prayers were not answered in the way I had wanted

"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. "

And I agree with the rest of it, too. Other than an occasional urge to express my immediate feelings to another, I'm really OK alone for many of the reasons you mention. My late DH was perfect for me and always supportive. Won't be another, they'd never measure up.

 

[baymule]

Y'all that are alone, look at it this way...…. Would you REALLY want to house break and train another spouse?

 

[canesisters]

I was searching the forum for a recipe for peach ice cream and for some reason it put me on this thread...???
Anyway I thought that I would update. I had company this weekend. Non-farming company. Out of state family that I love dearly but who find all things 'farmy' to be dirty and gross... which means that I've been working my daily farm goings on in between eating out 3 meals a day. Straining milk and putting into the fridge (WITH the FOOD ), skimming cream into jars for the freezer (also WITH FOOD ), cleaning milking supplies (IN the SINK ) and sitting eggs (some with suspicious dark smears on them ) on the COUNTER - IN THE KITCHEN got a bit of side-eye going on between them.
Soooo - long story slightly shortened - it is CLEAR that having just anyone on the farm that is ABLE to help is not in any way actually HELP unless they happen to share my 'farmy' views on life and dirt and early mornings and such.....

 

[Lazy Gardener]

What could you possibly be thinking? To actually bring REAL food into your kitchen and store it with intent to actually eat it???? Why don't you just go to the store and buy your food? Of course it all magically appears in the neat cello packages without ever actually having come in contact with dirt!

 

[baymule]

I was searching the forum for a recipe for peach ice cream and for some reason it put me on this thread...???
Anyway I thought that I would update. I had company this weekend. Non-farming company. Out of state family that I love dearly but who find all things 'farmy' to be dirty and gross... which means that I've been working my daily farm goings on in between eating out 3 meals a day. Straining milk and putting into the fridge (WITH the FOOD ), skimming cream into jars for the freezer (also WITH FOOD ), cleaning milking supplies (IN the SINK ) and sitting eggs (some with suspicious dark smears on them ) on the COUNTER - IN THE KITCHEN got a bit of side-eye going on between them.
Soooo - long story slightly shortened - it is CLEAR that having just anyone on the farm that is ABLE to help is not in any way actually HELP unless they happen to share my 'farmy' views on life and dirt and early mornings and such.....

I laughed all the way through this. My sister actually said I was CRUEL for eating the chickens and pigs that I raise for meat. What? She eats chicken and pork, but it comes from a store where it isn't an animal, just meat. She won't eat at my house because I might feed her a poor little animal.

 

[Beekissed]

It seems that just about everyone references spouses, significant others, kids, parents or other family as sharing chores or helping with the work. I was just wondering how many others out there are doing it alone?
OK... not REALLY alone because of the wealth of info online and neighbors that can be called in occasionally - but getting through the day to day, in & outs alone.

I am and have been for years now. Oh, my mother mows the lawn(she loves that chore, so I let her have it) and weedeats to her heart's content, but most everything else I do around here, I do alone. This past year my son moved back here on the land and occasionally he'll cut down or cut up a tree or build something like the new outhouse for us, but that's about the extent of that, as he works long hours and has ZERO interest in doing anything homesteading.

I've been single since '87, so raised three kids on my own and have done all the man stuff alone as well. When the boys got into the teens I could make them help me with some of it, but as soon as they flew the nest, I was going it alone once again.

 

[Beekissed]

Y'all that are alone, look at it this way...…. Would you REALLY want to house break and train another spouse?

Not for all the money in the world. When I was young I would tolerate fools and love covered many sins, but now that I'm old my tolerance level is zero and even love wouldn't blind me any longer.