end of life humor aka a fairly normal morning here

flowerbug

Super Self-Sufficient
Joined
Oct 24, 2019
Messages
6,250
Reaction score
11,923
Points
297
Location
mid-Michigan, USoA
really that was the only title that fits this morning's conversations.

well it actually started Wednesday evening, because Mom went to visit some friends of hers and she has always talked to me and has it in her living will that she doesn't want anything done if something happens. basically DNR with very minor care to take care of pain, but nothing else, no breathing tubes, no feeding, etc. when she's done, she says she wants to be done (at times we think we're both well done already but that's a whole 'nother aside :) )...

when she came back i mentioned to her that she should have a bracelet or necklace or something with her which reflects her wishes just in case something happens (she gets in an accident, has a heart attack, who knows, but when she's not here). we already have all the legal paperwork done with the power of attourney and medical wishes stuff and who's the executor, etc.

but how do you keep the people who may come along from hauling you away, taking you to the hospital, running up who knows how many bills and then expecting you to foot them when in fact you don't want any of it?

this topic also comes about from a recent event with a few other distant people we know. one person had a stroke while driving, went off the road and ended up in the ditch. the only reason they are still alive is that their partner was driving behind them and saw it happen and someone else came along and gave them CPR. me, i want to be left alone to die right there. i'm done. so does Mom. instead they were taken to a medical center, not breathing, put on ventilator, eventually able to come off it but paralyzed on left side, probably permanently. um, no, not for me, feed me to the worms, and get on with your lives. that's all to do please for me. and for Mom too, but she wants to be fried (cremated).

this all is the pre-amble this morning where Mom is talking to my sister on the phone and brings up the topic and asks her about what to do and my sister says something about getting some paperwork and filling it out and making sure to always have it with you. so of course Mom translates the paperwork into "Death Wish" and we're talking about it and laughing and my sister is too, i can hear her on the phone with Mom. i have the keyboard on my belly typing and i'm laughing so Mom has to tell my sister my keyboard is jiggling from me laughing. :)

this is not an unusual morning for us. we usually find a way to laugh about something.
 

baymule

Sustainability Master
Joined
Nov 13, 2010
Messages
10,730
Reaction score
18,709
Points
413
Location
East Texas
I rushed to the hospital some years back to find staff starting to hook my Daddy up and demanded they stop. They replied that I needed the paperwork to make them stop. I said “you already have it on file in this hospital, so STOP”. Mom walked in and made them remove the oxygen mask. Daddy took a few more ragged breaths and was gone. I cried tears of relief for him, he was free.
 

HomesteaderWife

Almost Self-Reliant
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
179
Reaction score
255
Points
187
@thistlebloom fit the humor!

In all seriousness, everything and everyone has their time. Accepting it, and finding a way laugh about it now is commendable. There's a time for tears and little time for fears.

I think the bracelet idea is a good idea to convey this wish, or even a dog tag/necklace of sorts that basically says "DNR" and maybe has a family phone number to confirm with a family member. And yes, something in the wallet is a good idea too.
 

HomesteaderWife

Almost Self-Reliant
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
179
Reaction score
255
Points
187
@baymule - So sorry for your loss, but I am joyed that you see it as his freedom. At least you both were there to ensure his wishes were seen through.

It's hard with lack of paperwork...we had family some time back and she was very elderly (early 90s) and always said she wanted to pass in her sleep. No DNR in order and she coded and they did CPR on her but she was so fragile she ended up with pneumonia immediately after and ended up partially septic I believe. Had her in critical unit for so long, poor thing. They finally got everything in order and years later she went exactly as she wanted- she passed in her sleep at a long life of 95.
 

Beekissed

Mountain Sage
Joined
Jul 11, 2008
Messages
12,774
Reaction score
3,934
Points
437
Location
Mountains of WV
I'm with others with the advice on keeping a DNR request right with her ID...in the same pocket of her purse. Might even tape it TO the ID, so when someone looks for that, they have to have their hands on the DNR request and can't say they didn't see it or find it. Place a copy in the glove box as well.

Having it on record at the hospital means nothing....they may or may not have it on record even if you just put it there recently. They seem to have selective record keeping and if they can get that last bit of insurance/money from someone on their way out, they will.

A bracelet may be a good idea also, though not sure if they will recognize that item without paperwork to back it up....anyone could get one of those and wear it, so it doesn't mean much unless it indicates an allergy, which they WILL recognize as that's not anything that requires a legal document.

I applaud anyone getting prepared for their end....so many want to avoid that at all costs and won't let anyone even TALK about it. Folks can be weird about death, I've found.

Mom's got her coffin right in the cabin living room....a very lovely, plain pine box built from recycled pine from out in CO. It was a good deal and it also doubles as a blanket chest while not in use. I reinforced the lid so we can use it for seating as well. It fits into the rustic cabin design and most are used to it by now but it did create a stir when folks learned what that large chest/bench was for. Some folks wouldn't come near it and wouldn't even stay in the room with it! As if it was a recycled coffin that still had the germs of old remains on it or something. :gig

Folks can sure be weird about death.
 

baymule

Sustainability Master
Joined
Nov 13, 2010
Messages
10,730
Reaction score
18,709
Points
413
Location
East Texas
When my kids were small, there was a death in the family and we went to the funeral. They asked just what a funeral was. I told them, a funeral is when a person has died, their spirit is gone to be with God, but their body is still there. Everyone gathers to tell them goodbye, like a big going away party. Some people are sad and they cry because they are going to miss their loved one. Some people see friends or family that they haven't seen in a long time, they visit, talk and have a good time. It is ok to cry and it is ok to visit with friends. Everyone gathers to pay their respects and tell the person goodbye.

And there you have it.
 
Top